Saturday, December 18, 2010

Christmas Card List

This is as close as I get to the Naughty and Nice List:  who makes it on my card list this year?
I go through the address book and dutifully identify who gets and does not get a card this year.  However, it is a bit more detailed than just that. 

If you are off, then it is pretty clear that you suck... or at least at the moment you suck.

If you are in, then it really depends what kind of card and greeting that you get.
Are you close to me?  Do you get a detailed note from me?  Do you get the Merry Christmas greeting with blessings?  Do you get the more generic, Happy Holidays? 

Are you more traditional and need a more nostalgic picture on your card?  Perhaps you are more jovial and the wiener dog wearing the Jingle sweater is sufficient?  These are hard choices and hard times!  My stamps are at the ready, ready to pounce on the correct combination.

Which one would you want?  What would you want the greeting to be?

At the moment, if I were to write a Holiday greeting to myself, it would be:

Dear Missa,

You have had an incredible year.  While I know you have had your ups and downs, take note that you have made significant changes in your life.  I support you all the way.  May next year bring more of the same.

Missa xoxo
(I would choose the Wiener dog in the Jingle sweater)

Monday, December 13, 2010

My 6 am Training

Lately, I have had to play "juggle my personal and professional life" around so I can get the workout in game.
It has been a hassle at best.  So, lately, my only open hour of the day has been 6 am.  At first I thought this was going to be a real detriment to my mental health.  After all, most people should be hitting snooze at this hour.  Instead, I have found these moment enlightening and a real jump start to my day of crazy stresses and infinite jests (that is a book title, I think). 

There is something about swinging a 16kg kettle bell over my head at 6 in the morning.  It brings some clarity.  I mean, I could kill something with that thing:  especially myself.  I guess it is nice that at 6 I don't have enough time yet in my day to think of anything else but the training itself.  I am not misguided by the other thoughts that distract me like:  what is for dinner, what am I going to say to such-in-such at work today, did I leave my car lights on? 

There is just me and my fitness.  I like that.  I have been a bit lazy in my running over the past several weeks.  I think I need to re-engage and I think the mornings is the time to do it.  I am going to give it a go.  I will let you know how I turn out.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Ignorance of certain subjects is a great part of wisdom

This was the quote on my tea bag today.  I have been having a good chuckle about it ever since.  I have always thought that ignorance is bliss, but I never really thought of ignorance as a sign of wisdom.  I think of all the things that I know a lot about, a little about, and absolutely nothing about.  I wonder how they stack up to who I am?

Stuff I really know:
1.  I know about music.
2.  I know how to solve logical problems.
3.  I know how to teach people so they learn.

Stuff I know a little about:
1.  I know how to give a massage. I am certified, but could know much more.
2.  I know how to exercise and eat well.
3.  I know how to travel.

Stuff I know nothing about:
1.  I don't know if my prayers mean anything.
2.  I don't know if I can sustain my weight loss.
3.  I don't know what I should know.

So, for now, I am going to think it over.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Trying on Wedding Dresses

Tomorrow, I have a 3 pm fitting for wedding dresses.  I am really thinking about cancelling.  At the same time, I have been totally remiss in planning anything for the big day.  So, I feel like I should get on it.  It is hard to think about wedding attire when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.  I need more structure and I have done anything but be structured.  The very idea of discipline has gone out the window and has been replaced with two weeks of jet lag and disordered eating while on a business trip, only to be home for 5 days so I can have turkey day (another day of disordered eating), followed by another stint on the road again.  I need to get in control.

As well, it appears that I am going to be out of work soon, unless I do something really creative.  I need to move departments and quick, because it appears that we are being outsourced.  I can't talk to anyone about it at work, which makes it even more frustrating.  I know I am not the last person to be in this situation, but it sure feels like it at the moment.

My fitness has been progressing OK.  I keep up with my training, thank god.  I did go to the gym while on travel as well.  The past two days have not been so great.  I have been sleeping and vegging.  So, tomorrow needs to be better. The rest of the week needs to be better.

I also am trying to figure out why I am not blogging consistently.  I think I am depressed.  I think I have to do something about it. sigh...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I am not so ok-Pity Party

*i need to vent, so if you are tired of reading whiny posts, come back another time..  Cheers.*

I have been in a funk.  So, planning my wedding isn't so much fun.  My mother isn't happy for me and I can't get over it.  It is heartbreaking for me.  While I have surrounded myself with positive people, it isn't the same as having your mom on your side.

As for my eating, it has been horrible.  The stress has triggered all kinds of disordered eating.  It is odd this time though, because I know as I am stuffing my face, that I am doing something incredibly wrong...  and yet I do it anyway.  I find I start the day OK:  I eat a good breakfast, I have a cup of tea...  then at about noon, I find some sort of snack, and then dinner is meh.  I have no excuse.  I even prepare healthy choices so they are right in front of me, but I keep making a right turn into path of destruction.  Grr.  I have even let good food spoil, in favor of total shit. 

So, with this, so has gone my half-Marathon.  My lovely job has decided to send me to Singapore, despite time off of work booked, so I am going to miss my OBX Marathon..  I am really bummed.  I trained hard.  I feel defeated.  I am too bummed out to look for an alternative race.

So, I just weighed myself, and I am 223.8.  This just sucks.  No progress in weeks...  I need to snap out of this, but I am just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Meh.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Post 3- Driving Miss Doofus

I had to run out this evening and go buy some slacks that fit for work.  This is an exciting thing!  I got to try on some stuff in yet a smaller size.  I am officially a petite 16.  Score.

Today was a trying day.  My soccer team lost: dear Arsenal. 

I walked around NYC, and went to Eataly, so I could check it out.  Very cool.  And my favorite chef, Lidia Bastianich, was walking around the store with her mom, Ermina and granddaughter!!  Love that woman.  Her food rocks, her restaurants rock, and her cookbooks are easy to follow.

So, despite all things related to eating, I did not snack.  Not once.

We made our drive back to NJ in no time, but by the time I was home, I was hungry.  I noticed that driving while hungry was a problem.  I found myself taking the 'long' roads home, so I could pass by my favorite pizzeria, my favorite sandwich shop.  Each time, I had to chant, 'going home'  to stop me from charging in and getting something decadent.  I finally made it home and ate something, but I feel so out of control.  What a waste of gas.

Why does food have such a hold over my brain?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Association Football = Soccer = Win

Sweetheart and I are die hard football fans...  Sorry, let me clarify:  we are soccer fans.  Association football is the world's most popular sport, except in the United States, and I am never going to understand that.  It is so much more fast paced and full of strategy, compared with other sports.  The players are incredible athletes:  fast, agile, aggressive..  just awesome. (yes, I like American football as well, just not as much)

So why do I talk about this here:  fitness.  Soccer is fun and easy to play.
"According to a survey conducted by FIFA published in 2001, over 240 million people from more than 200 countries regularly play football.  While football has the highest global television audience in sport, its simple rules and minimal equipment requirements at amateur level, have no doubt aided its growth in terms of participation." (link)

So do Americans play?  Yup.
This is one of the few sports where a pick up game is more readily available and organized than any other sport.  So, I did a little digging.  Within 10 miles of my house, there are 9 separate soccer clubs that offer amateur league play for all ages.  So, Sweetheart's birthday is coming up, I am signing him up for Soccer lessons.  It will be a fun way for him to play and get ready to start into a league. It is also a way to get in that exercise without being the same ol' stuff. (Shh, don't tell him)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Post 1- October Accountability

This month is game on.  I set a date for my wedding, finally.  You guys are privileged to be the first to know, as we have only told our mothers.  My mom was non plussed and his mom was thrilled.  It was what we expected.  We are getting hitched on September 10, 2011.  That is 9-10-11, for those of you who can't count.  I have learned a few things so far:  Weddings are insanely expensive for stuff that I just can't comprehend.  I am paying for the whole thing, as Sweetheart isn't working, and I am not getting any volunteers from my family.  I am trying to set a budget that I can live with without killing myself.  I live in NJ, which isn't cheap.  So, we shall see what happens!

This just gives me another carrot to dangle in front of myself to keep going and keep eating well and keep accountable.  It also gives me some stress. 

So, I will be counting my blessings/ counting my posts this month.  I should have 31 in the end.

As for this week, I have not invested enough time in writing down what I eat.  I will correct that today.  It is important to see what you put in, or at least it is for me.  If you ask me what I ate yesterday, it is somewhat foggy.

I haven't been running according to plan.  I need to get that long run in this week, or the half-marathon is out.  I won't be able to catch up.  I have been training hard lately though.  I have been swinging 20 k kettle bells like they are going out of style.  As a result, I now have serious guns, generously protected by wings of flesh.  I sure do hope that some of that skin shrinks in the next year.  It ain't pretty.

I have found lately that I am far more critical about my appearance now that my body is changing.  I find myself picking at myself more than I ever did when I was at my heaviest.  It's funny:  I think then, I just gave up and accepted that my body was big and that was ok.  I even felt pretty, despite my size.  My version of fat acceptance. 

So, now that I have rejected this fat, I am really not pleased.  I find more things on me I want to fix all day.  It is amazing how you never get to a level of satisfaction.  I have complained about something on my body, or found myself picking at myself in front of the mirror every day.  What is the opposite of vanity? Is it Reticence?  Is it self-deprication?  Stumped.  Either way, it isn't positive thinking.  That was the whole point of getting healthier:  to be positive.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Back To School: Health School

Thanks to all of you guys out there for listening to me fall off the wagon, crack my head open, and spill my giggly bits all over the floor.  I did go running yesterday and got in 3.5 miles.  It wasn't a good run, but it sure was satisfying to get back on the horse.  I cleaned up my eating act yesterday, and I have been good today as well.

So, to keep me on this kick, I am going to promise that October is a blog everyday month.  I need to have a daily reminder to do something for myself.  This blog is a time for me to really brain dump all the stuff that lurks in there..  I swear that I have more than cobwebs between my ears, and I am a blond!

As well, I am going to join my weekly check in calls with my nutrition plan, HMR.  I took a break over the summer because I felt a little stuck with the meetings.  However, I am over my stucked-ness and need to embrace the reinforcement.  So kids, I am back to school... even if it is a month late!!

It is pissing down rain, so I will have to go to the gym tonight for my run.  I think 4-5 miles are in my future...

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Eating Everything That Moves = Missa

I am in a slump.  I am not keeping in control of what goes into my trap.  It all starts so nicely, and then takes a dump on my sensibilities.    Example of my intake yesterday:

Breakfast:  Oatmeal with cocoa powder and fresh, warmed strawberries.  Yummy and healthy.

Lunch:  Beef and peas and carrots with cranberry relish.  Meal was courtesy of HMR, but I added the horseradish yummy-ness.

Not bad, but just wait:

Dinner:  Greek Salad, way too much dressing.  Gyro with all the fixin's.  Could I have had chicken or veggies, yes.  Did I?  Nope.

Second Dinner:  Half a Grandma pizza and a bag of Australian licorice.  Why the heck was I even eating?  GRRRR.

So, now it is the morning after, and I am doing the walk of shame.  I have immediate punishment:  I have the worst indigestion ever, and I smell like a walking gyro- garlic factory.  I am supposed to do a long run this morning, but I don't think I will make it with all this ridiculousness in my gullet.  So, I am going to wait, and hope this stuff works its way out of my body sooner rather than later.

I hope all of you are having a better day!  Don't do this to yourselves!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Long-term Weight Loss May Actually Be Bad For You

I read the news everyday via RSS feed at work.  I skim the titles, get a feel for the good, the bad and the daily ugly.  Well, today I just jumped out of my chair.

Headline:  Long-term Weight Loss May Actually Be Bad For You

How can this be?!?  Does this mean I should grab the nearest cheeseburger?  Five Guy's, here I come!

HALT!  Before I chomp down, here are the highlights: Scientists in Hong Kong found
-- Fat stores all kinds of toxins and residues from the things we ingest (eat, breathe, lather on our skin)
--When we lose fat, the fat releases the toxins into our bodies
--Our bodies freak out, leading to short term and long term illnesses.

I find this study interesting (gross).  However, I think it is one sided. 
--Fat does store little nastiness in our bodies, (yuck). 
I want that OUT of me!!  Why would I let my unhealthy, unfit body deal with toxins leaching in-between my organs?!?  Ick.
--It doesn't really say if the rate of fat loss is a factor.  I think anytime you rapidly increase or decrease your weight, you are in for some unexpected health issues.  Your body wants some equilibrium.  Any rapid anything makes my body really pissed.
--I will take my chances.  The path of declining health is certain at a higher weight.  Healthy people lead better lives. 

What do you guys think?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Big Ticket Item Anxiety

I have been a busy bee lately, doing my homework and such for a few big tickets.

1.  I need a new car.  I have waited to buy one until I was officially in the need category and not in the want category.  I am genetically cheap.  I would like to say thrifty, but that isn't it.  I like a deal and I hate parting with cash.

2.  I have been scoping out wedding facilities.  Yeah, I am finally hitchin' my wagon to Sweetheart.  It has only taken us forever.  I am waiting on a meeting/confirmation on the church and then I can book, but I want to be prepared.  I have learned a few things: a. weddings are ridiculously expensive for the wedding that I want  b.  I think I might be a bridezilla because I really don't know what I want, but I am sure snippy about it.

I notice a few things about doing these tasks.  For one, I have bitten my nails down to stumps.  I am not sleeping like I should.  I have slept through my alarm or did the 'sat dazed' on the couch to the last minute.  I am just flustered by these life-changing issues.  It has also once again made me put the breaks on another big ticket item:  school.  It is important and I need to do it.  I just instill avoiding behavior.

So, for my fitness this week: 2x at the trainer, but no running thus far.  This half is not going to run itself.  There is a 5k in my town this weekend.  I think I might punish myself with it.

As for eating:  I am doing OK.  I did have a 3 slice pizza lunch and a digression with Chinese food this week.  As well, I went to the movies and smuggled in some Australian strawberry licorice.  I am absolutely addicted.  OK, so now that I write this, maybe I am not OK.  Maybe I am pushing it.  I didn't feel guilt at the time, but this confession sure is getting to me!

You might have noticed I haven't posted my weight in a few weeks.  No real reason for not doing this, but being distracted.  I feel like I haven't given it my all, and I guess I haven't felt like showing the non-movement of my numbers as a result.  Monday's weigh in will be posted, I promise.

I haven't completely melted down yet, but the pressure sure is mounting.  I worry I am headed for a disaster.  Surely, if I was where I was last December and tried to to these things, I think I would be in a coma.  Thanks for listening and being my outlet today.  Off to test-drive some cars.  At least this part should be fun!


Saturday, August 28, 2010

Why So Hard, Yet So Simple

I've been thinking about losing weight:  the whole process.  I have now lost a good chunk, and am well on my way to keep going and getting to a place I haven't been in at least 10 years.  It is so exciting.

Yet, the reality is the process of getting here is really simple:  eat less, exercise more.  So why is it really so very difficult?  Why is it that this has been a battle, worse than any other war?  Why do I have to remind myself everyday to keep doing this, to keep going?

This is my 100th post.  It is a milestone of 100 reminders to keep moving, keep trying.  I pledge to leave the baggage at the door, and to allow myself to enjoy this process.  I am so much stronger, I look so much healthier, I have so much more respect for myself.  I pledge to stop fighting the invisible battles and just get on with it.

To quote the great Stewart Smalley:  I am good enough.  I am smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Don't Let 'em Get You Down

I am on a kick-some-ass push.  I am learning Turkish Get-Ups.  Don't they even sound bad ass? To motivate your own kick-ass push, even if you are getting down, no worries.  I have the cure.  Just think of this little guy:

Needless to say, I have had a true desire for cheddar.  Happy Saturday!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Avoiding the Camera

Jack's post made me think a bit.

I have been with my Sweetheart for over 17 years.  I think I can think of 10 pictures of us that I would actually show someone, and maybe 20 pictures that actually exist.  How is that possible?  I think there are whole portions of my life where I ducked a camera at any cost.  I undoubtedly did this because I was unhappy in my appearance.

Well, now I am less fat.  I am pleasantly happy about it.  However, I don't see myself changing my picture habits...  How do I start operation photogenification?  When I was small, I think my mother had me at JCPenney and Sears every week for a professional shoot.  I had what I can only coin a 'Cherry Coke' smile:  If you have trouble idenfying this, just close your eyes.  Imagine it is over 100 degrees and 100% humidity outside, and you just mowed the lawn.  You come into the garage, and pull an ice-cold Cherry Coke out of the fridge.  It opens with a sizzle.  You take a gulp.  You sigh.  Now, what smile is on your face? = Cherry Coke Smile.  I had the same overly exuberant pose in all my pictures.

I need to change my thinking.  I need a reason to smile so much and so hard that dimples magically appear.

Got any jokes to get me started?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

What the Hell Is a Water Belt?

 I am becoming a bit of a gadget girl.  I needed some sort of way to hydrate myself while still running, since apparently stopping for a drink is for total wussies and amateurs.  Hey, I can run 5 miles.  I am a pro. (insert cough here).

Anyway, I went to my local fancy schmancy running store and asked for a water bottle carrier.  I was told to go to the 'hydration system' section of the store.  Holy crap.  Now, when I am thirsty, I need a system.  A whole friggin' system.  There, I was greeted by the guru of hydration, who must love running more than anything, I suppose.  I mean, who else wants to stand on their feet for hours, talk about 'hydration systems' and get paid minimum wage to talk to a 'pro' like me?!?....  Runners.

Anyway, I was shown bottles that clip to my hand:  too lop-sided,  bladders that zip on to me like a vest: I am not a camel, and the Water Belt.  I chose this one because it fits a 20 oz bottle, and has a little compartment to put my junk.  Simple and sorted. You can check it out here.  <--This is a better deal than I paid.

I tried the belt today during my run.  It was half win, half fail.  It swishes a bit when I run, which I must drown out with the tunes.  I can't figure out how to keep moving and get the bottle back in the holster.  So, I find myself holding the bottle for a while.  However, I am happily hydrated.  Happy Fitness Friends!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Save Me From Myself

Today I feel pretty good.  I have upped my fitness again:  I increased the length & frequency of my runs and I have really been putting the effort into my personal training.  As well, I have tried very hard to make sure I get in all my servings of fruit and veggies and drink some water!  I think it has paid off.. I have been losing the past few weeks and feel like I deserve a reward... 

The reward that I want is Pat's Pizzeria take out.  WHY????

Why is that the first thing I think of when it comes to rewards?  Why don't I think of jewelry, or new furniture, or a trip, or hell.. a car.  Nope, I think of a cheese steak, wings, pizza and some sort of dessert.

How do I break this initial thought?  How do I retrain my mind to have a better mapping in my head?  Here is how it goes:

Any ideas to switcheroo it around?

Oh, and I know I owe you guys some progress pics, so this crap ass one from my cell will have to do for the moment till I get home from my business trip. (decor a la Marriott)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Buying Clothes OUTSIDE a Plus Size Store

Holy Crap!!
I bought a size 18 and a size 16 in a REGULAR store.  Say WHAAAAAT?!?

I bought a pencil skirt (me showing leg...  I must have a fever)

I bought a button-down shirt and I am not worried the girls are going to fall out!!

I bought a pair of khakis and they don't get all bunchy like a I have a package.

Score!!  Yay Land's End.  Missa loves you today.

Happy Monday!!  Pictures to follow...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Chinese Take-Out Wisdom

My Fortune Cookie tonight says:
"Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body".

How true.  So, how am I feeding my mind?  Well, not as well as I should.  Lately, I have kept myself full of work-related nothingness.  So, how can I fix this?  I know full well how to do it.

1.  Read a book.  I am always more level headed when I am in the middle of a good read.  It could be fiction or a true story about a person, place, thing, or even some horrible murder mystery thing.  What they all have in common is that they are an escape for my mind.

2.  Breathe.  Take time to clear my mind entirely, except for the noise of my breath.  Some call it meditation.  I call it just breathing.  During this time, my mind sometimes stays empty.  Other times, it fills like an empty cup with other thoughts.  Either way, it is a good thing.

3.  Learn about something new.  I like to have a project on the side.  That could be learning a new language, taking a class, or maybe even learning a new fitness routine.  Lately, this has been taken up by learning how to keep up with a running program, but also learning a bit about Kettle bell training.

4.  Plan an adventure.  Adventures do not need to be across the planet in unusual places.  Adventures can be right in your backyard.  Just knowing there is something coming up is a fantastic motivator.  So, my next adventure that I am planning to take:  Philadelphia, Labor Day weekend to see the Red Bull Flugtag competition!!  You just have to see the link to believe it. 

So, besides not eating Chinese take out and keeping better with my food records, I really need to work on balance.

I hope you all have a great weekend!  Oh, and I almost forgot:
Lucky Numbers 10, 26, 15, 16, 38, 36
Learn Chinese - Fish 鱼 (Yú)

Friday, July 23, 2010

These Hips Don't Lie

My Hips are on Fire..  and no, I am not talking about some dance move, or me shakin' my groove thang...

No, my hips hurt.  They are beyond sore.  They just nag.  Ibuprofen is not working.
I need stretches.  Good ones.  I know I am just not hitting it right.  I know I am not injured, just AGGRIVATED!!!

Please provide your besties.

Happy Fried-day....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

We Ain't Restin' Today

Today was a day of cross-training and strength training with Trainer Debbie.  She dutifully kicked my tail with strength intervals and high-intensity movements for 45 minutes.  I am sore in places ladies should not be sore without better reasons, and well.... Thanks Deb.  My sweetheart thanks you too...

Sometimes, I think that it hurts all the more after having a day of resting.  My body natually wants to go to hibernation mode.  It thinks, hey, she ain't movin'.  Time to chill... Forever.  Sorry, not today.  Not EVER again.

This brings me to the next thing I have been pondering lately.  NOT EVER AGAIN.  I don't want to be where I was EVER AGAIN.  There is no going back.  I am mentally, physically, spiritually a different person.  I want more.  I feel more.  I care more.  It is fan-flippin-tastic.  It is a high from the Missa drug.  There is no prescription.  It is just me and my thoughts and my needs for things to be better.

I hope your day is filled with better.... and more.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Days of Rest

Yesterday was a day of rest in my Marathon Training Program.  Rest.  Does this mean I sleep all day?  Does this mean I watch TV and eat ice cream?  Up to this point, I have had a general goal to do some sort of movement everyday, even if it was just 5 minutes.  So, now, I have Saturdays and Mondays to chill. 

I have been invited to do some stretching on these days, which is nice.  I think I have turned part feline, as every morning, I wake up an arch and twist and scurry like a cat for at least 15 minutes before I can really leave the bed. 

So, now it is Tuesday morning, the day after rest, and I am really pooped...  and for what?  I almost feel like I am hibernating.  My face is puffy.  It wants me to go back into slumber.  I hit snooze, which is incredibly unlike me. I am usually a get-up-and-go kinda gal.  Oh well.  Time for work.   I hope you all have a great Tuesday!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Holy Half Marathon Batman!

OK..  So I am doing it...  no, not IT, I am going to train for a half-marathon.  Where are your dirty brains?  (Exactly where yours is, Missa)

I think I can do it.  I am aiming for the OBX half, which is in 18 weeks.  I am going to follow and do his NOVICE program.  Except, I am going to do my long runs on Sundays and I am going to use my 2 personal training session per week as my strength and cross train.  I think it is doable.  Anyone want to join me?

I did a four mile long run this morning.  Despite being hot out and covered in sweaty grossness... I feel pretty good!  I think the huge hoagie roll I picked away at last night got me nice and carbed up, making me feel happily fueled.  So, the plan is to feed and water myself, shower and then take my carcass to the beach to soak up the sunscreen and beach umbrella (note: Missa is the white-est woman in America.  I give Albino's a run for their money).

This was a great B-day weekend.  I rested, I ate, I played with children, I beached.  All in all, big wins.
AND.......  cross your fingers folks, but I think I may have good news on the career front.. more on that later.

OK.. Enjoy your Sunday!  Do something physical out there.  Maybe some IT.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Birthday Week!

Hiya..  This is a big week for me. It's my BIRTHDAY WEEK!!  On Friday, I get the privilege of being one more year older, wiser, and HEALTHIER (or so I hope!).  To reflect, I decided to post a graph of my overall progress, since Jan.  For the most part, it is slow and steady, with a positive downward slope.  I will take it!  However, if you just look at this month (which you can do at the bottom of my blog anytime you want), it is big hockey stick.  Missa has not been dedicating enough to herself lately, and letting stuff get in the way.  So, instead of down in the dumpiness, I am plowing ahead.

I found a challenge that I want to try.  It is the 5 x 5 Ford Challenge.  Basically, I try to run or walk a 5K 5x's a week.  I can break it up anyway I want, so if I want to walk a bit in the am, then run later, or maybe run 6 k one day and 2 the next..  But I am up for it.  This will be my goal for the next 20 days.  Feel free to join me!

Here is to a strong week.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Down and Out in NJ

It is super hot here in New Jersey.  Depressingly, Scorching, Simmering.  The kind of hot that prevents progress, that prevents anyone who does not have a death wish, from doing anything overly physical.  I am relegated to my couch.  I am finding that even working out in the house feels oppressive, as my air conditioning just doesn't get enough of the humidity out of the air.

I am making excuses of course.  I am in a funk.  I gained for the whole time I was away on business and it is totally my fault.  The end of my 12 week push was non-existent.  I am also off guard, because I didn't plan my next 12 week push.  I should have already started it last week!!  So, this is me, unplanned and unprepared, like the kid in the back of the class, who emphatically says the 'dog ate my homework'. 

I need a 12 week, SMART goal.  I am coming up on empty.  Any help, anyone? I need some sort of goal to get me jump started. 

Missa will ________ for the next 12 weeks.  Please fill in the blank for me.

Monday, July 5, 2010

I ran 4 miles

Hey Y'all!  I'm home now after 2 weeks in Singapore.  I am getting way too old for the whole jet lag thing.  It really does a number on my self-control.  When I am overly tired, I just don't give my 100%.  I ate whatever while I was away, and the scale is a direct result of that.  I did not keep up with my fitness.  I only worked out 2 days each week, which is pretty darn lame.  I am kinda pissed off at myself about it, because I really want to protect this weight loss.  So, to punish myself, I ran a Firecracker 4 miler on July 4th. 

I just landed the afternoon before (22 hours in flight), which makes you dehydrated and sleep deprived.  However, since I woke up at 4 am, a 9:30 run didn't seem so bad...  or at least not at the moment.  Here are the wins:

1.  I ran consistently.  I did not stop or walk.  I ran slowly, but I ran 14 minute miles for each mile. 
2.  I ran within a good target heart rate.  I ran between 160-168 bpm.  This is a good place for me.
3.  I kept cool.  It was hot.  I watched people overdo it, not finish, and I wasn't one of them.

Here are the bads:

1.  I was almost the last to finish.  Just completing was my goal, but I certainly didn't want to be last.  I think I finished ahead of about 10 people out of about 1000.  I felt really self-conscious.  I am really tired of being the fat chick that people stare at. (or at least feeling like the one being stared at). 
2.  Afterward, I felt OK.  I didn't eat much before the race.  So, I ate a banana and drank some water.  Seemed harmless right?
3.  I drove home.  I felt a strange pain in my tummy.  So, I drove really fast.  Move immediately to the commode.  Super barf, followed by 5 hour nap.  So much for the 4th.

I know I am not the first person to puke after a run, but I wonder what ultimately did me in.  Was it the banana?  Did I drink not enough/too much water?  Did I push myself too far?  I may never know.
So, this week's goal is to get back on schedule and back on my routine.  Yay being home! Yay running 4 miles.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


OK, so I am currently on the sauce.  This means I had a few.  I threw a few back.  I am schnackered.  But come on...  it is World Cup people!!  I just spent a bit over 90 minutes with hundreds of Ex-pat US and England fans, watching on double screens, drinking what is called a tower... Yes, a tower of Tiger beer with my pal Dave.  It was fantastic.  In case you don't follow the news, England and the US won 1-nil!!!  That puts the US in first place in division C.  I enjoyed telling that repeatedly to Dave, as he bleeds red and white....

Here in Singapore, the next games play at 2:30 in the morning, so I am not going to make it to find out whether Ghana or Germany take it.  However, I will be really curious when I wake, as it will determine who plays who in the next round.  My bets are that Germany takes it and the next game is
US v. Germany... but we shall see!!

So this is my life-balance post for today...  I drank beer.  I even had some wings (no sauce), and a cheeseburger from McD's.  I never go there, but in Singapore, believe it or not... the burgers are
fan-flippin'-tastic.  As well, I also ran a 5k this morning on the treadmill, because I CAN!!! 
For those of you who are struggling through a rough patch....  I am here for you..  You can make it through.  I weigh over 200 pounds and I run and I HAVE FUN!  Put that in your pipe and smoke it!! 

OK, off to bed before I make a mess of it.  Cheers!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Anxiety, You Bastard

Greetings from Singapore..  Yup, on a two-week jaunt for work.  I spent all of last week getting all anxious about the trip, eating my feelings and being pissy about it.  So, here I am, a week on from my last post and 1.5 lbs heavier for the week.  Thank God I pay a personal trainer, because if I didn't, I most certainly would not have worked out last week at all.

Now that I am here, I feel fine.  It is funny how that works out.  All the build up for a big nothing.  I even woke at a reasonable time this morning, had a healthy breakfast, and worked out at the hotel gym (which is very, very nice).  So, I am back on the wagon people.  Sorry for being MIA.

Have a strong week people!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Spinning Win and Food Fail

I did and completed, (focus on completed), my first SPIN class.  I have been secretly plotting to do it for a while.  I tried to do one a couple years ago, but I never had the stamina.  I always whinged through the ass pain as I could never get the seat right.  I always had a reason to quit.  I considered my previous attempt to be a real failure, source of embarrassment, and I just needed to overcome it.  Even if I got through the class just once, hated it, and never did it again, I needed to know that I could do it.  I needed to validate what I kind of already knew:  That I am stronger than I was before.

Well, I did it!  And....  I really enjoyed it.  The instructor was a bit intimidating:  she was like a walking muscle with lungs.  However, I liked the music (who wouldn't like climbing a hill to Led Zeppelin?), and I felt like I could set a pace for myself and not overdo it too soon.  It helped that I have been using a heart rate monitor for a while, and know what my levels are. 

This all being said, the true test is tomorrow morning, when I wake up and hopefully can move :-) 

Now onto my food fail.  Up to this point, I have made yummy, edible food.  Today, was NOT that day.  I have been reading about the use of chocolate as a spice in food.  There are lots of health benefits to chocolate, not to mention:  'everything tastes better with chocolate!'  WRONG..  Oh so wrong.  I added cocoa powder to my veggie and tomato concoction.  It was so bitter.  Ick.  I should have dumped it, but food-guilt me, cleared my plate, bite by nasty bite.  I'm a little mad at myself for feeling guilt about food waste:  what am I 8 years old!?!  So lame of me.
I haven't given up yet on chocolate in cooking, but I think I need a recovery break.  Complete Food Fail.

I haven't written much about the things I want to try.  I find it funny that I have had this spin goal for years, and never mentioned it.  I also have been dying for a while to try chocolate in my cooking, but didn't say a word.  What do they have in common:  fear of failure.  So, I am going to, in future posts, start listing some of the things I would like to try, and goals I would like to aspire.  Getting them out there makes them real and if I make it or break it, great.  At least by putting it out there, fear of failure doesn't prevent me from putting skin in the game.

Monday, June 14, 2010

49.9: The Story of My Life!

Today is a great day.  Today I am officially 49.9 lbs lighter.  I find today to be a big victory because it is like most things:  it can't just be a round, perfect number.  It can't be a full 50, a full milestone. 

In this scenario, I have two choices. 

The old me would say..  WHAT THE @#$%?!? 49.9 is not good enough.  I have failed, even in my losses!

The new me says: WOOOOOOOT!  I have a win! An, imperfect, odd, almost, kinda number.  It suits me perfectly.

So, this Monday is a celebration to the almost-perfect, almost-awesome, second-guessed wins that all of you may be happening to have today.  I say celebrate the heck out of them!  'Cause when the big-perfection one finally comes along, I, and hopefully you, will go BALLS OUT!

Here is to a strong week people & tell me about your almost-perfect win for the day!  I know you got 'em!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

On the Road Again.... Danger!

In a week's time, I will be on the road again for work for a whole two weeks!!  UGH!!
All of my weight disasters have circled the drain around travel, and principally work travel.
Big work dinners.
Working way later than normal.
Lack of Sleep. (12 hour time difference this time)
Missing the Gym.

All of these things are a prescription for disaster, but here is my plea. 
I want to make this better this time, and I need your help.
What hotel workouts do you do?  This trip, I will have a gym available to me 24 hours a day, and a pool!!
The gym is somewhat small, but has treadmills, elliptical, and free weights.

On a high note, I will get to see these flowers again.  Does anyone remember where? :-)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Sports Injury Friday

Well, my life of an athlete is kickin' into high gear!  I am injured.  Boo!

I think my new sneakers have triggered a pain pattern of tightness from my ankle, through my calf, and shooting into the back of my knee.

Sweetheart rubbed it a bit, and that provided some relief.   But now that he stopped, I feel the tightness happening all over again.  It is like I have tight guitar strings on the back of my left leg.  If I move to much to the right or left, they might *Snap*.

I was super tired yesterday, so I didn't gym it.  I don't want to miss another day.  I need some fitness. Give me my fitness!!  AARRGH
I am going to give it a few hours and then we will just have to see.  Maybe swimming would take the edge off it?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Students Teach Too

On Wednesday, one of my mentors from work pulled me aside and told me that they resigned.  I did not expect it, but suspected that something was going to change.  Let me explain.

In the past several years, I have had many opportunities provided to me to improve my skills, to advance in the company, to do new things.  In the last year or so, I moved to a position where I worked along with and above my mentors and spent significant time with the stakeholders within my company.  From this vantage point, I got to see my mentors in a new way.  In some cases, they were the leaders that I always thought they would be.  In others, I found that, like the mirrors, 'images maybe closer than they appear'. 

I saw when mistakes were being made.  Like a devoted lamb, I warned.  I gave opinions of caution, suggestions of redirection.  I was ignored.  At the time, I felt dismissed and unaccepted.  Now, I know that I was right.  However, here I am, correct, vindicated in my convictions, and I still feel like shit.  Did I stutter? Did I not say the right words?  Had my mentor taken my advice, they would not be resigning.  I find myself mourning the mentor relationship, not because I couldn't learn more, but because my mentor couldn't learn the lessons that they taught me, from me. 

So my last lesson from my mentor:  Listen to the mentee.  If you teach them well, they might actually have something to teach you. 
How does this relate to the health journey?  Not all the experts make all the best decisions.  Sometimes the ones who are the students, the practitioners, have the best advice.  I have learned so much from all of you, just because I know that you have practiced what you preached.  You pay attention.  You are honest when something goes bust.  You can take it when 'anonymous' comments with livid harshness.  You are all my mentors.  I look forward to tomorrow's lesson.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Are you on a Health Vacation?

I have not been able to make my mid-week check-in call with HMR for the last couple of weeks, thanks to my vacation.  While I was out, I noticed that my group has drastically decreased in size.  We used to be 10-12 people strong, and now there are only 5.  I worry that people are taking a health vacation.  Is there a season for health that I was missing?  Is being on a program a seasonal activity? I've been looking online to see if there are any statistics, but the only thing I saw was a vague reference to Jenny Craig and the average membership was 16 weeks. 

So, supposing it is 16 weeks, and most people start at the beginning of the year with their New Year's resolutions, then they would be on health vacation starting Mid-April.  However, I am going to juxtapose that people take mini-vacations during this 16 week period.  People take a week for Valentine's, then spring break in March, then another week for Easter-Passover holidays.  This puts us well into May, so I guess I should not be surprised that June seems like a ghost town.  

Have you noticed the same behaviors in your local support groups?  I have even noticed some of the same behaviors in many of the blogs I follow.  I have noticed fewer postings (myself included), and also blogs just disappearing into thin air.  So, here is what I suppose people:

SCHOOL IS NOT OUT.  Health doesn't get a vacation.  Put down that cupcake.  Go outside for a walk.  I am on the hook and SO ARE YOU!

On a side note, my new sneakers are making my knees hurt :-(  but I am not giving up.  I am going to continue to train with them for a week or so and see if it normalizes.  I guess my knees just like it when I roll my ankles, and now that I can't:  OUCH!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

My Sneaker Procurement Experience

I am new to this whole athlete thing.  I do not have all the gadgets and gear.  Most importantly, I did not have the right sneakers.  I have known this for a little while.  I have noticed that after my runs, by knees felt tight and sore.  My hips were out of whack.  I knew this had to be shoe related.  (It also could be because I have a big ass, but I am sticking to the shoes). 

So, yesterday, I went to a sneaker specialty store.  I thought the process would only take 20 minutes, so I drove over before my planned workout.  Boy, was I wrong.  90 minutes later, and close to $200 bucks, I walked out with moon boots, anti-microbial socks, and new insoles for my kicks.  Let's explain the process.

I walk in, and they first measure my feet.  Then, they have me stand on a computer scanner and they measured my arch and my gait.  Apparently I have a better arch than I thought.  I always considered myself to have flat feet.  Apparently, I have a 'flexible arch'.  So you think I am finished, nope.

Then, they have me run on a treadmill, barefoot.  They take a video of each of my feet, while I run.  It shows in slow-mo, that I roll my ankles, where they should be straight.  In the end, they recommend a mobility stabilizing shoe.  Now, this sounded OK, except all the options in this category are weird looking.  They all have extra thick bottoms, are generally flat, and kinda ugly.  However, I am really hoping that my knees feel better, so I am up for the challenge.  So, this is what I bought:

I am hoping I didn't get taken for a ride.  However, I do like this RoadRunner Sports.  I can try them for up to 60 days.  If I hate them, I can return them covered in mud.  I appreciate that.  The bad news is I missed my workout to buy these shoes.  It just took too long and I could not squeeze it all in.  So today is the day that I get my test drive on my gear.  Wish me luck!

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Reckoning and New Trainers

Today was the Reckoning.  Did Missa gain 60 lbs while on vacation?  Did she plump like a blueberry?
NOOOO!  She didn't!  Actually, I feel really good, relaxed and healthy.  I did have a minor gain .4 lbs, but I am PMS'ing, so I really think it is a wash.  Most importantly, I feel great that I was able to enjoy myself and not over-indulge all by myself.  I didn't bring a scrap of HMR food with me.  I just used my mind to make good choices. I can't tell you what a win that is.  I have been on vacations before where a 15lb gain was par for the course.

In celebration, I am going to post a picture of me and my Sweetheart.  (OK girls, don't swoon.)  He said it was OK to reveal his true self on this blog, and well, him in his hat (which he adores) and tie-dyed bathing trunks is as close to his true self in a photo as you can get!  He would like to point out that the cap is a Trilby and not a Fedora. (this might give you further insight).  Oh, and I am comfortable in a bathing suit! Win! (Where the hell did that come from?)  I got it at Target (pronounced Tar-gzhay).  It comes with straps and looks great with or without them.

So now for something completely different:  Trainers.  Also known as sneakers, athletic shoes, etc.  I need a pair and now that I run, I need to have a really good pair.  At the moment, my Adidas are doing me justice, but they are getting a bit thin at the treads.  So, I am going to go to a store today called RoadRunner Sports.  Here, they can test your arch and make a real recommendation on what I should be using.  Any suggestions on brands or this footwear procurement experience is totally appreciated.

To this end, I also decided to change something else on my dailymile account.  When I started, I classified myself as a Walker.  Well, now, I do more fitness training and running.  So, my new title:  ATHLETE.  With this comes a new goal:  to kick ass.  Seriously.  I want to be fit not to be thin, but to do things that others can't.  I am tired of being limited.  I want to make some noise.

I hope this Monday is the start of a strong week. Cheers!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Honey, I'm Home!

I went to the largest cruise ship in the world:  The Oasis of the Seas.  I have cruised many times before over the years.  Nothing was like this boat. 
1.  It is massive
2.  Although you are with 5500 passengers, you don't notice them because the boat is huge.
3.  GREAT Gym.
4.  Healthy Dining Options EVERYWHERE!
5. Lots of fun stuff (I played in a dodgeball tournament!)

So, speaking of healthy?  How did I do? Well, I have decided not to weigh myself till Monday, my usual day.  I did eat some heavier, more decadent food than I typically do and my portion sizes were 'full'.  I also had some cocktails, but hey, it is vacation!!
However, I kept up on my fitness.  I was worried that I would go to the gym the first day and then never see it again, but no!!! I got in there and got it done.  In fact, it kind of made me laugh to watch all the gym-hard's stare at the fat girl running miles on the treadmill and pumping iron. I can't blame them though.  People watching is the best thing ever on a cruise ship.  You see people doing things you would never have thought possible.

So, here are some photos from the trip.  I am doing the Biggest Loser Challenge with Katy over at Project-Look Good Naked but it just started on the 1st, while I was away from Blogger land...  One of the requirements is that I needed to provide starting photos.  Well, here they are!  The pooches and me were taken on May 28th, the photo of me in the blue dress was on May 30th, the one of me snoozin' in the Cabana was June 1 and so was the one of me smilin' in the disco!

So, today I am back 'in the box' with my eating.  I am going to get my fitness on.  AND, I am going to take some time to meditate a little.  I finished Geneen Roth's new book and I am going to give some of her suggestions a try.

Game on!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Leaving, on a Jet Plane!!

So, in a few moments, I am leaving for a vacation on a cruise!!  So, I will miss you all....  but I will be taking a bit of a break to live some life!!  I promise to keep in the box.  I promise to get my fitness on.  I promise to kick some tail!!

Oh!  I am also doing the Biggest Loser Challenge!! My starting weight will be 235.8, which is what I weighed in at on Monday, and is currently where I am still at today.  I will not see Mr. Scale again till I come home on the 5th.....  I will let you all take bets on what side of the needle I move while on a cruise, aka food machine that floats!!!

Cheers! Bon Voyage!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Vanessa's Dumpling House

I realize whole heartedly that reviewing a restaurant on a blog dedicated to improving heath seems like a bit of a diversion, but I just have to. I am so thrilled to find a place in NYC where I could get an astronomically cheap, yet healthy meal. Besides, I want to live a healthy, normal life. Part of that life being able to go out from time to time.
Vanessa's is on Eldridge, in the border of the lower East side and the village. It has a few tables and chairs, so people share tables. The menu is very simple: Dumplings, boiled or fried. Fillings, chicken, pork, shrimp, veg. You can have them alone or in soup broth. You can also have sesame pancake sandwiches with your choice of filling. They are usually filled with finely chopped, but bountiful veg, and then a lean protein. My Sweetheart's was filled with egg. 4 dumplings is 1.50. A sandwich is 2.50. The price is just unbelievable. I had 5 boiled dumplings of various kinds. I think the pork and scallion were the best, with the shrimp being a close second only to the veggie. I could have left the chicken and chive. They were just OK. They also have buns with the fillings, but I thought they were a bit heavy on the bread.
All in all, 3 people, bill was less than 20 bucks and everyone took stuff home.

Great win for the day!
Hope you have a strong start for this week!
Where are your healthy eateries in your town?

Saturday, May 22, 2010


I am without my pc this weekend, so I am blogging from my Blackberry. How cool is technology?

Anyway, I have reached a new level of soreness in my workouts. I have awoken this morning with what I can only describe as a fitness hangover. My head feels cloudy. My shoulder and right side are incredibly sore. My ass hurts. I am hobbling as my hip joints are incredibly unhappy. So, I popped a few advil, made some tea, and am contemplating putting the covers over my head and hibernating till next Spring.

So, what is my plan for a cure? Well, the hair of the dog that bit ya! I plan some angry elliptical and a bit of park walking should get my body lubricated and moving again. I also am going to drown myself in some water, as I need to replenish.

What do you recommend for the fitness hangover?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Price of Getting Healthy

Ya know...  the costs of losing this weight are getting up there!

I spend $50 per month on my weekly weigh-in call on HMR
I spend $148 on my meals from HMR bi-weekly, equalling $296 per month.
Plus, I buy fruit, veggies, bottled water, and a million spices and salsas which makes my monthly grocery bill about $175 per month.
I have a gym membership at $60.00 month.
I have personal training at $455.00 per month.

So, that puts my monthly total at:  $1036.  Wowza~!

But let's qualify this.  Article to chew on:
1. An obese person is 93% less likely to be hired for a position over a healthy person.
2. Life insurance is 2 to 4 times more expensive for someone who is obese.
3. Your net worth decreases by $1,000 for every point your BMI increases.

How about these reasons: 
1.  The average monthly prescriptions for a Diabetic in the US is $252, plus Annual pump costs of up to $3,000 per year out of pocket. We aren't even talking doctor/hospital visits, let alone costs of complications.
2.  One Cardiac patient in the US spends $12,000 out of pocket annually.
3.  The average Cancer patient in the US spends $7,489 annually out of pocket.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather spend money on living better than just trying to cope.  I have the trifecta in my family genes (Diabetes, Heart Disease, Cancer) and I am going to fight fight fight my way around them, for as long and as hard as I can.  So, the next time you say, well, that personal trainer is expensive, or that nutrition program is costly, think about that investment in you.  You are your most valuable asset.  Don't forget that.  You are worth every penny.  Invest what you can, while you can.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Late Night Exercise

I have started to see a trend on my Sunday nights:  the Late Night Fitness Routine.   At about 10:30, while sitting on my duff, watching TV, or blogging, or eating a snack, or shooting the breeze, I seem to remember that weigh-in is the next day.  I remember that I was not 100% on my eating.  I did not drink all the H2O that I probably should have done.  I begin the Panic-Whine cycle.

The Panic-Whine is a combination of the 'oh sh*t, I need to get off my a$$ and move!' and the 'but I am so tiiiirrrreeeedWhaaaa!'  They kind of come out of my mouth at once in the form of a very heavy sigh. *sigh*  However, this is the last chance to get the burn before Mr. Scale makes his judgement.

Then, I putter about, thinking about what exercise clothes to wear.  Then, I think about what my fitness routine should be.  Should I run?  Should I do a DVD?  Should I do some fitness moves that Trainer Debbie has taught me?  By the time I am dressed, have heart rate monitor attached, shoes tied, and IPod tunes selected, it is closer to 11:15 at night.  

So, after 45 minutes of prep, I got in a 35 minute workout.  I did some wood chop hell.  I ran two miles.  I probably could have kept going, but it was late.  Work beckoned in the am.  However, I liked the workout.  It was a great temperature to run.  I got a good stretch in before bed. 

I am wondering now if this should be the trend for my Sundays or if I should insert my fitness earlier.  What do you guys think?

Saturday, May 15, 2010


I have been reading your blogs the past 24 hours and they have put me in a strange place.  You have forced me to think.  First, it was Bobbie.  She asked:

“Can you remember a time perhaps when you were very young, when life as it was – just the fact that it was early morning or any old day in summer – was enough?   When you were enough not because of what you looked like or what you did, but just because everything was the way it was. What if you could live that way now, and what if your relationship to food was that doorway?”

Then she posted a picture of her as a young girl, so happy and vibrant and free.

I didn't have that.  My home was filled with bitterness and anger.  My safe haven was my grandfather.  The love between us was magical.  I even named him his own special name, Peeps.  He took me away from my tormented house and gave me freedom to be a kid.  They were brief encounters, maybe just a few hours per day, but I still remember the excitement of going to his home and the anxiety of leaving.  While there, we would talk, play cards (I am an indestructible poker player now), read the grocery circulars (It wasn't until I was much older that it occurred to me that my Peeps was illiterate).  We would garden for hours.  I have never before or since been so pleased to dig in the dirt, feeling like I was on my way to China.  I never was so proud to be able to pick the fruits of our hard work: tomatoes, zucchini, squash, beets, carrots, you name it, we had it. 

But my favorite thing of all, the moment that made me so happy, so vibrant and so free was swinging.  Just me and him on a wooden swing, looking into the sky.  We would watch the planes fly over and count the seconds between it and the next.  We would cuddle and nap and just say nothing and everything in those times.  It was such a simple thing to do, with such little effort, and it means everything to me.  Even now.

It wasn't until Bobbie's post that I realized that when I lost Peeps, I started to loose me.  I began to gain weight.  I stopped being a good student.  I stopped really investing the same confidence in myself.  I always thought, till now, that my weight and confidence issues started later.  But, now I am not so sure.  When Peeps died, he was the biggest person I had ever known.  He must have been 350 pounds, and 6'3".  He ate horrendously, as many German-Bavarian immigrants ate: lots of smoked meats, bacon, butter.  I have never seen anyone take down a cake like that guy.  I wonder now if he was unhappy like I am unhappy about my size.  I weep for not knowing and not asking.  He was 68. I was 14. Too young and too soon for him and me.

The second post that got me thinking was Buzzy & Breezesly's Mama.  But, it wasn't just the post, but a response by Chris.  She said: "It (food) was your friend because it was convenient.  I am just glad that for me, it was..or it could have been drugs or some other thing.  Eating makes you feel less scared and lonely.  I hope you get your finger on it.  I know figuring it out was key for me."

Drugs or some other thing.  I wonder sometimes if drugs would have been an easier vice.  With drugs, they are horrid life changers.  They alter everything you know about yourself and the people around you.  But, you can stop.  You can't stop eating.  You always have to feed the addiction, feed the vice.  It is a constant torment and struggle.  How do you stop feeling comforted by food when food is well, comforting.  When you don't eat, you get hunger pains.  You eat, they go away... satisfaction.  It is such a twisted thing. 

I eat because I mourn the loss of who I should have been.  I eat because I miss my Peeps, and all the comfort and confidence and flight he gave me.  I am trying to be that person for me now.  It is a struggle.

Thanks for all of you who make me think.  Much love and I hope you all have someone to swing with today, even if it is just yourself.

Friday, May 14, 2010


I took a well-deserved blog-cation this week.  My Sweetheart had requested that I spent more quality time with him than my pc. Since he is such a delight, I just couldn't say no.  So here I am!!

So, what have I been up to?  Funny you should ask:

Well, last weekend, I went to the zoo.  The Philadelphia Zoo.  This place always makes me happy.  Everyone is so nice, the park is clean, and it is a great place to walk.  I also love Philly.  In fact, we went because they opened a new hotel, Le Meridien.  It was fabulous.  If you ever get to stay at one of these puppies, run and do not walk.

So back to the weight...  well, I recovered my weight gain of last week, and pulled off a little loss from where I was before the gain...  I will take it.  I took a bit of an intensity-cation this week.  I ate well, but I didn't do the crazy fitness routine that my trainer would have preferred.  I mostly walked and was chill.  I needed to listen to my body a bit, and it said CHILL.  Chilling included dinner with friends, eating sensible food, and having a few glasses of wine.  All yay.

BTW, have you guys been following Mr. Jack Sh*t lately?  I was ripped from the headlines the other day in my Awesome Sauce t-shirt.  You can check it out here.  If you want the t-shirt, you can get that here.  I have decided that while working out, I am not going to wear lame, matchy work-out gear.  I am going to wear all the t-shirts that I think are fun or funny that I can't wear to work or to the Chateau Marmont.  Why not, dang it?  Why not??!!

It is supposed to be glorious outside this weekend on the East Coast.  We bought a book on hikes and we are going.  Happy trails and I'll be blog-stalking you and catching up this weekend.  Rock out with your jock out!!  Baam.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Coach Pisses Me Off

Yesterday, you couldn't get me to do anything without some sort of sigh, or comment, or some sort of ... of negative energy.  I was whinging about everything imaginable. 

Co-workers annoyed meI think I spent 4 hours yesterday spinning my wheels on a project.  I could not get any of my co-workers to get on the same page with me.  In the end, I had to do many pieces of the project myself, and others, I needed to push out their completion dates.  I hate that.

Walking at lunch in the beautiful sunlight annoyed me: I decided to go for a walk at lunch because needed a break.  The weather was nice, but the wind kept blowing my hair in my face, I have a nagging blister on my big toe, and a co-worker who came with me spent the whole walk talking about depressing topics.  Total bummer.

Doing the dishes annoyed me:  I had a whole sink full.  I know it was my turn, but I work all day and I just don't wanna.  Phewy.

My Coach annoyed me:  So, as a result of my utter charm, Sweetheart just said to me, 'that's it.  Get your gear on.  Get out.  Go for a walk, go for a run, go to the gym.  Do what you have to do, but get out.  Move.'
He really pissed me off.  I really wanted to tell him to go @#$#@$.  However, I was feeling pretty crappy, so what the heck, right?

So, I grudgingly put my gear on at 10:30 last night and decided to run my block a few times.  Well, 1 time turned to 2.  2 turned to 4.  In the end I ran 16x's for a total of over 4 miles.  I felt fan-flipping tastic!  I ran 10 minute miles.  I didn't feel tired.  It was perfect turn around to a pissy day. 

I love my Coach.  Who is your coach and how do they piss you off?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Yummy Eats & Cruise Prep Begins

You know, I never talk about the yummy food I eat and the fun stuff I do to food to make it taste better.

1.  I use spices.  Spice does not necessarily mean heat.  Spice means flavor.  I am a huge fan of using different spices to change up the taste of your food.  My faves:  coriander, dried mustard, paprika, ginger, basil, cilantro.  Sometimes, I use them all, sometimes just one.  When you can, fresh herbs work too.  Rosemary, thyme and parsley rock fresh.  In fact, you can even buy them fresh-frozen now.  I get them sometimes in what looks like mini-ice-cube trays.

2.  I like nuts.  I really like almond and peanut butter.  However, it is really high in fat, so a little has to go a long way.  So, to help this along.  I use peanut dust.  Ever try this?  check this website out:  PB2 rocks.  You can even get it with chocolate! 

3.  I use salsas.  I have 4 different types in my fridge right now.  a.  Peach Mango Salsa b. Chipotle Salsa c. Green Tomatilla Salsa d. Habanero Chili Lime Salsa.  They can completely change the flavor of a dish.  They can add heat.  They can increase acidity.  I like it on hot and cold dishes.  I almost always use salsa in place of salad dressing.

I am not afraid to change the flavor of anything, even if it is an old faithful dish.  You never know what will happen.  For example:  today for dinner, I added fava beans, chipotle salsa, onions, coriander, mustard powder and CAPERS.  I love capers.  I put them in almost everything I eat. 

The key is these things are low calorie, good for you, and make a huge difference.

So now for something completely different.  I am going on a cruise at the end of the month.  This means I need to go shopping.  I did some yesterday, and I bought a purdy dress.  Here is the model wearing it.  I just might show you guys me in it, but I need to well, buy some undergarments..  :-) 
Dress by Adrianna Papell.  Love their stuff. LOVE. and BTW, they have sizes 2 through 28W!  They sell this in department stores on the East Coast, but you can also order online.  Very true to size.  I am sharing this with the ladies because it absolutely sucks to buy plus size clothing. 

Monday, May 3, 2010

Month Recap

April was an interesting month.  I started the Fat-Rat Challenge.  I committed no 0 Physical Activity Days.  I hired a personal trainer.  I started C25K.  Big wins all around.

I also lost a total of 7.8 lbs (3/29-5/3).  This is a bit less than I had anticipated for the month, but if I am really honest, I have had at least 1-2 'out of the box' eating days every week.  I have not written everything down.  I also have not been keeping up with my water intake.  So, the line is drawn.  Today, we start clean and get in gear.  H2O + 3 Shakes + 2 Entrees + 5 Servings of Fruits and Vegetables, and that's all folks.

Here is the super big win:  I lost 9.6 inches around my body this month.  How cool.  The biggest change was in my waistline, which I will totally take.  I am so tired of not having a waist.  My clothes definitely appreciate these inches lost.  I appreciate the inches lost!!

So May, what will you bring me?  Fitness goals? Pounds lost?  Snacky cakes?
At the end of the month, I am going on a cruise, which will be an exciting treat.  Bathing suit purchasing is eminent.

Here is to a strong week!  Rock out with your jock out...  erm..  or something like that.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

5k Success, Womentum, NYC ROCKS

I did it.  I did a 5k.  Here is how we started.

7am registration.  Me and my mom got our t-shirts and goodie bags and took a photo.
The crowd was huge.  Over 30,000 people came to do this walk, closer to 40,000.  I had heard on the news that this event was larger than the NY Marathon.  It was so exciting and inspiring to meet the different teams and people on the walk.  People walking to support Survivors, Survivors walking.  People who were obviously sick and still walking-running.  It makes your shin splints feel like such a weenie excuse to slow down. 

For the event, their slogan was "Womentum".  I liked it. I think I am going to keep using it.

So, like all cool events, they have celebrities.  Do you know who these guys are? :-)

So now the race begins, and this awesome ticker tape parade begins in Times Square.  This was rad! NYC Rocks.

So then, it was time to move.  Because there were so many walkers, it was close to impossible to get any kind of speed while jogging.  A wall of walkers means you walk at the group's pace.  So, we finished in under 50 minutes.  Not a bad day for Bib 20672!

As a treat to ourselves, we decided to go to an exhibit after the race.

So, with the 5k, walking to and from the train station and walking in and around the city, I walked over 8 miles yesterday.  Today, the dogs are hurtin'.  Well Happy Sunday!  Hope tomorrow kicks off a strong week!