Friday, April 30, 2010

On the Wagon

I kicked my own tush at the gym last night, despite it being 'family night' at the gym.  Apparently family night means hip-hop DJ's blaring tunes with the occasional 'awwww yeah, this is mah jaam!' inserted wherever necessary.  It also means dudes flexing their muscles for chicks, and chicks roaming the gym, dressed with their hair done, makeup, jewelry...  well, you get the picture.

My Sweetheart and I went together, which I always love.  He is so funny.  He was rockin' out 'his' hip-hop moves on the gym floor.  I almost fell off the Elliptical.  He has no fear or feelings of embarrassment.  He will do anything.  I admire that bravery, especially since it usually involves me laughing.  We went long this time: 1 hour 25 minutes straight of Angry Elliptical and Cross-Training.  I am always sweaty at the end, but Sweetheart is drenched like someone poured water over him.  Kinda gross, but I am kinda jealous.  To me, sweat is the battle scar of gym wars.

So, one more day till my first 5k.  Pretty darn excited.  My mother has decided to come, which means I will be doing more walking than running, I suspect, but that is OK.  We are also going to see King Tut's exhibit afterwards, so it should be a good day.  Have a great Friday!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Fat-Rat Mid Week (Anxiety Getting the Better)

Hi Rats.

I have been a bit off since last Friday.  I am just a ball of anxious energy, and all I want to do is run and hide from the gym.  I have not kept up this week with my no 0 physical activity challenge.  I did 5 minutes of nothing on Monday, and then, instead of going to the gym last night, I stayed home and watched 'Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants'.  How old am I, 12?  Next thing I know, I am going to be signing up for Miley Cyrus concerts.

As well, I just feel bloated for no good reason other than I am stressing and anxious.  I actually feel like a round medicine ball of stress, and no physical activity or stretching or food is making it go away.  I am a girl down without any crutch or mechanism to get herself back up.  I have been struggling like this now for days and it is starting to really get me down.

In terms of food, I was horrid on Monday.  I had a work dinner and they all wanted to go for Rodizio.  Ever do this?  It is Brazilian-style, meat fest.  Basically, it is an all you can eat meat buffet, except they bring the meat straight to your table.  You even have cards on your table that are red and green.  When the green card is up, the servers bring meat fresh from the grill straight to your plate.  They only stop when you submit defeat and flip the card to red.  So of course, I ate enough meat to make any carnivore proud.  I didn't binge, but I did want to try all the different options.  So, after 15 options, I definitely had too much and it has taken me days feel less gross.  I have been eating much less meat and much more veg these days, so this was just a total tail spin for my health.

The scale did move this week.  I lost .9 lbs, but it seems like a bittersweet win.  I do not feel defined by the scale, but I am not optimistic about going through a period of being stuck.  I just want some wins I can count and some consistent evidence that all this 'getting healthier' is paying off.  My mini goal for today is to get moving again and also do some extra PA to make up for my two days of weenie-hood.  For now, I will just pray that you are all having big wins and that my week will turn its head around.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Balance Fitness and Food?

I have questions for all of you.  I am stumped.

Now that I have a trainer, I am exercising more than ever.  I have done almost 2x's the amount of physical activity calories in the last couple of weeks than I did before.  I have not changed my eating plan at all, still the 1200-1600 calories per day.  So, one would think that I would be peeling off 2x's the amount of weight.  Not really happening that way.

What does that mean?  Isn't this thing supposed to be about math?  Am I breaking my own a$$ for no reason?  Maybe I should slow down my sweaty torment, especially if it isn't going to make much of a difference?  Now, don't get me wrong, I want to do my C25K.  I want to reach that goal, but I do want to see a difference in the numbers.  I will weigh in and do some measurements on Monday.  I hope I see some evidence.  This all being said, I should say that my clothes are definitely feeling better and I do feel fitter.  But how do you find the sweet spot?  Where is that balance coming from?

Friday, April 23, 2010

I'm Expecting!

Got you for a second. (No puppies for me right now.)  I am expecting to RUN my 1st 5K!

Hey go big or go home right? Well, I am scared and stoked. It is next Saturday. I will be on the tail end of week 4 of C25K, and it is a run/walk, so I totally am going for it. Prayers, and if you want, sponsorship donations are appreciated!! Just donate under my BIB 20672. You can also look on my sidebar for more details on the Revlon Run/Walk.

Cancer has definitely impacted my family. Both of my mother's parents died of cancer, my Sweetheart's grandfather lost his battle with cancer, my mother and I both have had pre-cancerous moles removed. So, I am invested to the cause, even if after 15 minutes I fall into a lump of mush.

If any of you are already doing this, then ROCK!  Let me know and I would love to see ya/meet ya/move with ya!

For the Running Pro's out there, any advice? 

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Fat-Rat Mid Week (Whipped and Purdy)

Hello My Fellow Rats!

This week has been pretty good.  I am keeping in my fitness routine rather nicely.  Still keeping with my Physical Activity Calorie targets, still moving everyday.  I am whipped from today's cardio.  Can't you tell?

Today, I ran my best time to date:  under 15 minute mileage.  I am on week 3 of C25K.  I know this is probably slow for most, but for me, this is saying something.  I never thought my fat a$$ would ever run.  Well, unless something was chasing me.  It is satisfying to know that if someone chased me, perhaps someday soon I will not be caught... and if I am really snarky, they will choke on my dust!!  My nemesis right now is the potty.  I had to pee so badly at the 50 minute mark that I just had to stop.  It is really hard to do the pee-pee dance when you are running.

Lost some poundage this week too:  down 3.1 lbs.  Not too shabby.  I will take it for sure.  This brings me to a little over 40lbs lost.  So cool.  I am really looking forward to loosing the next 10 pounds.  When I do this, it means I will be a weight I have not been in at least 7 years.  7 years with an extra 50 lbs on my bones.  What the hell was I thinkin'?!?  I'll tell ya.  I was thinkin' Krispy Kreme baby.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Krispy Kreme donuts are ridiculously good.  Hot, glazed are my favs.  I could easily inhale them in seconds.  However, I think they are pure trans-fats and are linked to cancer, heart disease and funny sores in monkeys, rats and flies.  :-)

So, now for the Purdy.  Remember the dress from last week I told you guys about?  Well, here is me in it.  I think I am fillin' out just fine.  If this was a year ago, you would never hear me tootin' my own horn.  So, if I sound vain, just think of it as a catch up for lost time!! I have a waist dang it!!

Hope you guys have a strong ending to this week!  I am cheering you on!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Sleep Monster or Sleeping Beauty

This weekend was kind of a wash.  I pretty much lazed around the house, read a book, and went to the gym.  Saturday, I did a kick-butt C25K session and felt pretty good.  Sunday, I tried the yoga thing.  I liked it because it gave my tight hips a real stretch.  I also enjoyed the total relaxation.  The class was for little over an hour, seemed peaceful and is definitely something I might do again.  It is something that I would classify as active-rest, but definitely not a workout.  There was one drawback though.

I got home at noon and then struggled to keep my eyes open all day.  I was so incredibly relaxed/sleepy.  At 5:30, I told my Sweetheart that I was going to lay down for a nap.  Well, I woke up Monday morning.  I slept almost 14 hours!!!  I have to say that Monday was kind of refreshing.  I wasn't sleepy at all and felt pretty crisp at work.  This could become addicting.  I could be taken over by a Sleep Monster.
However, I can't sleep like that all the time.  Who the heck has time to sleep that much?  If you do, I want your job.

Today is training with Debbie again.  I need to get my She-Ra attitude together to face it.
Have a great week!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

To Yoga or Not to Yoga, That is the Question

Happy Saturday Everyone!

I had yet another kick-butt session with Trainer Debbie.  She totally kicked my brain in.  I find that she is a bit of a fib job though.  She tells me at least 10 times that the set I am working on is going to be the last set.  I finish, then she has me doing something else.  I told her that I am starting to see the asterisks after her words, and the 10 pages of disclaimers that are sure to follow.  However, I did do all she wanted me to do.  She pushed me.  I got there.

I also took something called a VO2 Max (Maximum Oxygen Consumption) test.  This is a test that measures that amount of oxygen my body can use while I am at my maximum effort.  Basically, you march on the treadmill till you can't take it and have to stop.  The machine measures your oxygen, heartrate and breath.  I did not love the machine, as it was a big face mask.  I kind of felt like I couldn't breathe normally.  I think maybe I was just feeling a bit closterphobic.  Anyway, I scored in the low-fair category of fitness. I am not surprised.  I have a long way to go.  What I like about the test is it can tell me more accurately how many calories I burn on average when I hit certain heartrates.  That is super cool.  Has anyone ever taken this test?

This morning, I woke up early.  I got caught up on a lot of your blogs and just enjoyed the crispness of the morning.  The temperature has dropped about 10 degrees today and I think it is going to rain a bit. 

Sidenote:  I am in love with frozen berry mixes in my oatmeal this morning.  I just nuke those puppies and they get all warm and super yummy.  I just lay a cup of them in my oatmeal and it is just so good.  Can you tell I am eating breakfast?

So, here is the question:  should I add some yoga into my fitness?  Does yoga count as a good workout, or is it just recovery?  There is a class this morning at a local studio, and I am toying with going.  Is it like a day off? I have done yoga before and it definitely can get your heart moving, but it isn't the same as a huffing and puffing at the gym.  What do you think?  How do you rate yoga in your fitness routine?


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Fat-Rat Mid Week (Training is Awesome)

So, maybe I am just basking in the glow of a shiny new toy, but my personal training is so cool. I feel like I am doing things that I have never done before, and I certainly have never EVER worked this hard in all of my life. I kind of knew that I needed some help to get to the next level, but this is way beyond what I had anticipated. I am starting to think that I had no clue how to exercise before. I think I have spent the last 10 years of my life being a weenie. (Sweat! Why dost thou forsake me!?!)
I am never going back to the meek and mild exerciser. I actually like the feeling that I am drenched through my clothes now. I love to watch my heart rate monitor beep when I hit all those high notes!!

To add to my current high, I am wearing a dress to work today that hasn’t fit in well over a year. In fact, I think it is now too big. I am still wearing it anyway, cause nanny nanny foo foo! The only drawback is I think the girls might fall out a bit, thanks to the extra ‘leg room’. I think people at work are starting to notice that I am not just the fat chick anymore. It is a weird adjustment to see people look at me this way. I think I have forgotten what is liked to be looked at, instead of looked through.

I have kept up with my Physical Activity Calories (PA). I am up to 1560 for this week thus far, well on my way to the 2200 weekly goal. If you want to know about how I calculate this, go to this site. Click on ‘Calories for Any Activity,’ and it will give you a breakdown based on effort and current weight.

Besides my training victories, I also lost 1.8 lbs this week. I am totally stoked about this, because I felt so incredibly bloated on weigh-day. So, I anticipate Mr. Scale to be even kinder next weigh-in, provided I keep up the momentum for the back half of this week.

Eating has been pretty good. I have been keeping ‘in the box’ of my eating plan.
I had some yummy Indian food today for lunch. I love Sag and Dal and Chilli Mushrooms. Great veggie options that keep the calories down and the flavor up. Love it.

So, if you haven’t checked it out yet, Georgie Fear’s guest post this week is just awesome. Most importantly, if you go to her blog,, she will really answer questions. I think it is rad that we all could have a Registered Dietitian as a reference.

Well, I hope everyone has a strong back-end of the week.. (Heh-heh, I said back-end.)


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Guest Post: What to Look for in a Fitness Pro (Trainer or Dietitian)

As promised for the Fat-Rat Challenge, I have asked some pro's for some advice that we can all use.  Say hello to Georgie!

Georgie Fear is a Registered Dietitian and personal trainer.  She works as the nutritionist for Rutgers Athletics, which puts her in charge of 21 Division 1 NCAA athletes.  It's her job to help them eat right, stay lean and strong, and perform at their best. Her areas of speciality are counseling for body fat loss (not just weight loss), healthy and delicious cooking, and practical strategies for eating right while keeping one's sanity! Being a student-athlete has it's own hurdles, being a busy working mom has it's own difficulties as well. She's not a fan of crash diets, excessive supplement use, or "diet food". She teaches strategies that work in real life, and that her clients enjoy and can continue forever. 

Thanks again to Georgie for doing this guest post!!  Georgie will be in NJ until she relocates to Colorado in the Fall of 2010.

Feel free to contact her with any nutrition or diet questions through her website


When you consider hiring a fitness or health professional, there are important factors to consider. After all, beyond the money (and effort) you’ll be investing, this person has your health and safety in their hands! Here are some things you should look for in a dietitian or personal trainer, to make sure you get the best experience possible.

1. Personality. Simply, you should like the person you are working with! If someone’s personality, language, or sense of humor rubs you the wrong way, it probably isn’t a good match. They may be a reputable, knowledgeable professional, but opposing personalities can decrease how much you look forward to your sessions. After your initial or first few sessions, you should be excited to work with this person and find their company enjoyable. You don’t want to work with an incompetent trainer just because they’re nice… but simple being likeable goes a long way to creating a productive and enjoyable working relationship.

2. Professionalism. Health and fitness professionals should always treat you with respect and consideration. Expect a fair, established policy on attendance and billing issues – and don’t be afraid to ask what their policies are. You may recognize a lack of professionalism in a professional who makes small talk for a large portion of your session, talks on the phone during your time, or is habitually late for sessions. They also should not let their personal lives or emotional state influence the productivity of a session. Talking a bit about one’s life is normal and friendly, but spilling dramatic stories or being overly emotional is not the mark of a professional. You should also talk with your fitness professional early on about what your goals are – and reassess them periodically. A high quality professional will also be able to guide you toward more appropriate goals if your initial objectives are unrealistic. They should be able to tell you exactly what they expect from you, and what you can expect if you choose to purchase their service.

3. Expertise. While diplomas on the wall are a good indicator of past education, you also want to know that the professional you work with continues to keep abreast of the latest research and continues to educate themselves. Ask other professionals for recommendations – dietitians know good doctors, trainers know good physical therapists, etc. You should also ask questions. If your trainer or nutritionist cannot answer most of your basic questions, they may not have much expertise. You will be best able to gauge a professional’s expertise by asking hard questions, and asking for more explanation if the answers seem hazy.

4. Communication. Even the most expert fitness professional isn’t worth to their clients if they can’t communicate their knowledge. A trainer should be able to clearly explain and show good technique for each exercise, in just a few sentences. They should not need an hour explaining one move. (If so, the move is probably too advanced and not a good choice for you.) A dietitian should be able to explain why they recommend certain dietary strategies, and what effect nutrients have on your body and health. They should be able to answer all your questions clearly, and eliminate any confusion before you leave the office.

5. Assessment. Right from the get go, a fitness professional should begin with assessing your current fitness, diet, and/or health.

· Health/Physical parameters may include a medical history, medication usage, blood pressure, and cholesterol tests, circumference measurements, body fat% testing, and weight

· Fitness assessments may include tests of strength, endurance, flexibility, range of motion, and biomechanics

· Dietary assessments may include food recalls, questions regarding supplement usage, allergies/intolerances, and analysis of nutrient intake

Assessments should also occur at regular intervals throughout your relationship with a professional. This is essential for monitoring progress and judging the success of the current program.

6. Your own safety. Some soreness is normal, especially during the early stages of a fitness routine. But be wary if you are routinely left feeling injured after personal training sessions, or if your workouts are exacerbating a condition you already had, such as worsening sciatica or foot pain. Discuss this type of problem with your trainer immediately; your trainer should be able to modify your program accordingly. Likewise, nutrition programming should also lead to you feeling well, energetic and improving your health – if you are left feeling unwell or your health seems to be deteriorating due to dietary recommendations you received from a nutrition counselor, it’s likely time to seek help elsewhere. In sum, you should never feel as if your health or safety are at risk.

If you have a weight loss, health or fitness goal, working with a personal trainer or registered dietitian can provide accountability, professional guidance, and individual attention that will enhance your chances of success. But be sure to make educated decisions when selecting a professional to work with. Individuals within a profession bring unique personalities, experience, methodologies and specialties to their clients. Don’t be afraid to “shop around” until you find the right person to provide the service you need.

I’d like to wish every one out there lots of success in meeting their fitness and health goals!

Go forth, well-fueled, and pursue your passion!

Georgie Fear RD
Registered Dietitian
Sports Nutritionist, Rutgers University Athletics

Sunday, April 11, 2010

New Trainer Debbie & My A$$ Hurts

Hello!  I hope you all got great weather like we did in the Northeast! It was fan-flipping-tastic outside for the second weekend in a row.  I am thrilled.  I took walks in parks and at the beach.  It was lovely.  The other reason I took walks is that I need to keep my hip to quad attachments warm, because OM-friggin'-G are they sore!!

I had my first training session with the woman who may not know it yet, but is in for it with me for the next 12 weeks.  Her name is Debbie.  Debbie and Ethel met and they seem to be at odds with one another.  I like that.  Ethel is kind of uppity at times and she needs to know her place.  Debbie seems to be funny, but also is really passionate about what she does.  I like that.  I am thinking positive things after meeting and working with her.  She made me sweat hard-core, but I felt like I accomplished something.  I went home on Friday feeling like I could take on the world.

*Note* The next paragraph involves a true story, but it take place in the bathroom.  If potties are too graphic for you, skip the next paragraph*

That is, until I woke up on Saturday.  Saturday, I rolled out of bed and felt pretty sore.  I made my way to the restroom, dropped my pants, and then realized that I could NOT lower myself onto the toilet.  My legs were shaking.  It hurt.  So, I gripped the sink, and slowly lowered myself down.  I was sweating, however mission accomplished!...  Or so I thought. 
So, here I am, on the can and I can't get up (insert LifeAlert joke here).  I sat there for a good 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get off.  Could I slide forward?  Could I just roll myself into a ball and fall to the floor?  Nope.  In the end, I needed to call in backup.  I had to ask my Sweetheart to get me off the commode.  The poor guy.  He is such a Gentleman.  He was taught that ladies don't fart, let alone use the bathroom, so this was hard to ask.  However, he came thru.  He got pulled me off the seat and got me moving again.  Later, after we finished laughing, he did in fact rub my ailing backside and hips like a champ.  I love that guy.

*you can keep reading now*

So, I had a healthy walk on Saturday to keep my body moving all that nasty lactic acid out, and continued with that prescription today as well.  Thank goodness for good weather!  My next training session is on Tuesday, so I should be recovered by then for the next round of abuse.  Like many things in my life, if it doesn't hurt, then it isn't working....
I hope you all had a great weekend, and may tomorrow start another strong week!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Fat-Rat Mid-Week Check-In

Hello Fat-Ratters!  Welcome to the Pack!

For this week, I have in fact been keeping up with my Physical Activity challenge.  I did envoke the 5 minute rule on Tuesday, and got up to about 10 minutes before deciding stopping was ok.  However, so far for the week, I have rocked out 1540 PA Cals!!

Eating this week has been good, but I did have a little set back in the form of the Bagel-monster. We had a baby shower breakfast at work on Tuesday. They brought in bagels and lox and bear claws and cakes; all from this awesome Portuguese bakery. I went a little nuts. I had one bear claw, two bagels with lox and a small piece of cake. SO BAD. However, after that binge, I didn't eat lunch and had a pretty modest dinner. Now that I think of it, I bet this is why my fitness was so poor this day too. Bread is the enemy man.

Upcoming Challenges:  I have a work dinner tonight that undoubtedly will involve some heavy dinner choices and drinking.  It will also severely limit my chances of getting in a strong workout.
To counter this, I think I am just going to do a bit of walking at lunch today.  I have some walking pals at work, and they are just going to have to come with me and have a laugh.

Had an RMR test yesterday.  Anyone ever do this?  RMR is Resting Metabolic Rate.  Basically, it tests how many calories your body will burn in a day if you did nothing.  For me, that is 1800 Calories.  For my height, weight and age, this is about where I should be.  It is comforting to know that I do not have a slow metabolism.  That is just one more invisible enemy less that I have to fight!

I hope you are all having a rockin' week.  Please let me know how you are all doing this week with your progress!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Being Your Own Leader

I had a great first consultation with the personal trainer.  I got to watch him train someone else, and also watch a group training class.  I was totally impressed.  He and his team actually paid attention to people's needs.  He paid attention to my needs.  He asked real questions and embraced my idea of setting a SMART goal.  I dug him.  So, I will be training 1x per week for the next 12 weeks.  My first session is on Friday.  Score!  Team Missa is growing.

Most of us are smart, resourceful people who know how to use the tools provided (books, literature, health professionals, personal trainers, etc.).  However, these are tools, not the mechanism that gets us to excel.  Our success comes from within us.  We are our own leaders of our own team.  You can do this, and not just 'cause I believe in you. 

If you Google 'leadership,' you get 148,000,000 hits. But, what if the stuff that is out there doesn't really make the mark?

So, let's get rid of some myths and BS.

1.  "Leaders are born, not made."  Totally untrue.  Most people, if called to Leadership, will come through.  I can't tell you how many blogs I have read where you guys tell me about your leadership skills:  strong mothers who care for their sick children, strong friends who help them through moves and deaths of loved ones.  You all have been a Leader for something or someone.  Channel that energy to yourselves.

  • Stay clear on your own principles and act with the courage of your convictions
  • Balance and resolve conflicting priorities, don't ignore them
  • Confront reality, not more wishful thinking
  • Take the time to pay attention to people and you, not only tasks

2.  "Leadership can be learned & read in a book."  Not really.  There are thousands of books on the subject.  Just ask your local bookseller.  They will tell you that self-help and leadership are the best-selling sections of the entire store.  You can't tell me that all these books are made with the best intentions.  I would say many, if not most are gimmicks with the intent of making $$$.  Instead:
  • Support yourself to take intelligent risks
  • Ask yourself the tough questions.  Ask yourself why, so you can understand
  • Do not shelter yourself like you would a child.  Be responsible and deal with the hard truths.
3.  "Managing is the same as Leading."  Nope.  Management is organizing a situation and executing.  Leading requires you to synergize strategy and execution. It usually involves drawing a picture of how you can get to the end of the finish line and convincing yourself and others that it is truly possible.  I think this is why I hate most managers.  They just point and shoot.  Leaders think, plan and gain understanding, all before they really execute.

So, now this is 148,000,001 for leadership.  Again, I believe in you.  Really.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Week 12 Weight Loss, Progress Pics, & Fat-Rat Begins!

Progress Time!  First, let's see some before.  I went to Australia in October of 2009.  (282 +/- a few lbs) Spring was just setting in.  As such, I was able to have dinner right outside of the Sydney Opera House.  It was lovely.  For a Yankee like myself, going to Australia was like going to another planet.  It is so far away, yet filled with so much of the same creature comforts of home.  Food is fantastic.  They have the best beef, lamb and seafood I have ever tasted.  I really loved it there.  If things ever go 'tits up' in the good ol' USA, Australia is definitely where I will be hanging my hat. (If they'd have me!)

So now, here is me from yesterday (246.8 lbs (-35.7lbs lighter) & -28.6 Inches (That's 2.4 Feet)). 
Two very important things to point out: 
1.  I am no longer afraid to wear white. 
2.  I am wearing Charcoal-Sequined Converse All-Stars, and yes, they ROCK.

Today is the first day of the Fat-Rat 12 Week Challenge!  So excited to get started.  (Don't forget to send me a mail at if you want to join the fun.)  I have made an appointment to meet with a personal trainer this evening.  Totally stoked to see what happens.  This trainer is from outside of my gym.  He has his own business, seems BS-free, and has serious credentials (B.S. Sports Physiology, Kettlebell Certs galore, and is a Certified Massage Therapist.)  If all goes as I expect, then I will be meeting with him and his team once per week.

Have a great Monday!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

An Easter Message For Us All

Regardless of your faith, I hope this message shows that not just the composition of the words we post here, but also order and intent can mean so much.  Happy Easter, whatever that means to you.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I Am NOT Just Background Noise

In reading Jules post (BigGirlBombshell), and then linking back Carla's post (MizFit), it seemed fitting to set some truths in place.  I need to be honest to myself and honest to the people around me.  I have to do this, even if it means others are affected or lost along the way.  The gloves are off.  I am not just background noise.  I am sharing this truth with all of you.

This week, my heart was challenged.

Someone close to me accused my Sweetheart of a physical attack.  Sounds horrifying.  It was at a party a few weeks ago.  He apparently hugged a little too close and a little too long for this person's comfort level.  I am totally ok with communicating that a personal boundary was crossed.  However, I am not ok with the idea of someone waiting several weeks to say anything.  In fact, it makes me question whether there was any issue at all.  This was a public embrace, and no one who witnessed thought it was a bad thing or even something to be noticed.  Just her.

We have all been friends for years, and she should have known better.  She should have had better instincts.  Instead, she accused someone dear to me of doing something completely unlike his character.  Instead, she replayed a simple, friendly embrace over several weeks in her head; making it something that it wasn't.  She made herself a victim in a victimless situation.  She decided to recruit sympathy within our circle of friends. 

My Sweetheart is mortifyed.  He tried everything in his power to appologize at even the hint of malpractice. He has no idea how a friendly hug could be contrued as an attack.  I, however, am just furious.  He deserves better.  I could not keep silent.

So, I confronted her.  I told her how I felt.  I told her I felt strongly that she had a problem.  Being her friend, I know she has intimacy issues in her past: something she has shared with both me and my Sweetheart.  I am nothing but sympathetic to that issue, but not when it is used to tarnish the reputation of a trusted friend.
I told her that I had 0 confidence in my ability to continue our friendship.  I do not need all of my friends to be best of pals with my Sweetheart.  However, he is a good man.  Anyone who cannot see that or would try to convince others that he wasn't a good man, has no place in my life.  I stood my ground.  I find that I do not mourn the loss of the friendship. I do, however feel sadness that I thought she was a friend for so long and I was mistaken.  I feel sad that she may ruin her ability to have any real friendships.

In that moment, I never realized how tough I am, and how much I need a certain calilber of friends in my life.  I don't know if I would have been this brave if this had happened 12 weeks ago.  I think I would have just stewed in silence so I wouldn't make waves.  I would try to work hard to just 'fit in'.  I would have just caved in from my feelings so her thoughts/behaviors/feelings took priority.  I would have eaten my feelings.

Most unexpectedly, my Sweetheart thanked me for supporting him.  I never realized how much that would touch me, but it did. 
Support, especially in the face of something awful, is just so essential.  He supports me so well on this weight-loss journey, and I am just tickled that maybe I can reciprocate.

So, that is my truth for today.  I am a tough bird.  I don't take sh*t.  I require good people.  This knowledge in hand will definitely help for these next 12 weeks ahead.

Friday, April 2, 2010

my SMART Goal- 12 Weeks Start Monday!!

My Fat-Rat Challenge SMART goal is going to be around fitness.  I am going to committ to a minimum of 2200 PA Calories per week, and no 0 PA days.  This means that I will burn 26,400 Calories.  So, if there are 3500 calories in a pound of fat, then that is 7.5 pounds of activity in 12 weeks.  (Measurements are cool)

Click here to see how I calculate my PA Calories.  This will take you to a chart where you enter your weight and it gives you a calorie to minute-of-activity ratio.   You get more calories based on level of effort (low, medium, intense, very-intense).  When I compare the number to what some of the machines tell me, it is pretty darn close.  Of course, a body-bug would be the most accurate, but this works for me!

So, 12 weeks with physical activity in it.  No breaks.  This is a serious challenge.  I know I get tired and lame.  To make this happen, we are going to use the 5 minute rule.  I will give some level of activity at least 5 minutes everyday.  If I am dead after 5 minutes, I will stop.  But, if not, then I will keep going. 

On my main page, I will continue to post my weight and measurements.  Since I already do this, I thought my challenge should be something different.  As adults make habit out of anything they do for 6 weeks or more, maybe this will become more than a challenge!  Fingers Crossed!

I have been soliciting bloggers and health professionals to do some guest posts.  If you or if you know someone who would be a good candidate, just send me a mail at  So excited to start this next step of the journey with you!!