Post 1- October Accountability

This month is game on.  I set a date for my wedding, finally.  You guys are privileged to be the first to know, as we have only told our mothers.  My mom was non plussed and his mom was thrilled.  It was what we expected.  We are getting hitched on September 10, 2011.  That is 9-10-11, for those of you who can't count.  I have learned a few things so far:  Weddings are insanely expensive for stuff that I just can't comprehend.  I am paying for the whole thing, as Sweetheart isn't working, and I am not getting any volunteers from my family.  I am trying to set a budget that I can live with without killing myself.  I live in NJ, which isn't cheap.  So, we shall see what happens!

This just gives me another carrot to dangle in front of myself to keep going and keep eating well and keep accountable.  It also gives me some stress. 

So, I will be counting my blessings/ counting my posts this month.  I should have 31 in the end.

As for this week, I have not invested enough time in writing down what I eat.  I will correct that today.  It is important to see what you put in, or at least it is for me.  If you ask me what I ate yesterday, it is somewhat foggy.

I haven't been running according to plan.  I need to get that long run in this week, or the half-marathon is out.  I won't be able to catch up.  I have been training hard lately though.  I have been swinging 20 k kettle bells like they are going out of style.  As a result, I now have serious guns, generously protected by wings of flesh.  I sure do hope that some of that skin shrinks in the next year.  It ain't pretty.

I have found lately that I am far more critical about my appearance now that my body is changing.  I find myself picking at myself more than I ever did when I was at my heaviest.  It's funny:  I think then, I just gave up and accepted that my body was big and that was ok.  I even felt pretty, despite my size.  My version of fat acceptance. 

So, now that I have rejected this fat, I am really not pleased.  I find more things on me I want to fix all day.  It is amazing how you never get to a level of satisfaction.  I have complained about something on my body, or found myself picking at myself in front of the mirror every day.  What is the opposite of vanity? Is it Reticence?  Is it self-deprication?  Stumped.  Either way, it isn't positive thinking.  That was the whole point of getting healthier:  to be positive.