Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Boundaries Made of Rubber

How can you have something that sounds wonderful feel like such a turd, just by how it is coming into place?

You tell me:
I have just found out that I will be going on a week-long cruise at the beginning of June.
I will have a balcony room facing the sea
I will be wined and dined
I will have access to world-class spa
I will have a butler
I will have access to food from morning until night
I will have a fully stocked gym with plenty of classes to take
I will have Broadway-style shows, including some ice shows
I will be able to swim at some lovely beaches

So what is the problem?
My mother just sent me a very short email. “It is my birthday, so I booked you, Sweetheart, me and my sweetheart on a cruise. Come by tomorrow so you can pay me for your stateroom. Xoxo, Mom P.S. Don't book the flight yet, because I want to plan a few days for all of us in Florida”

1. While we had discussed the possibility of going on a trip, SHE DIDN’T ASK
2. She committed my money.
3. She just assumed that we could get the time off from work.

On my road to being healthier, I need to manage my stress. So, what do I do? She is my mother and I love her. It is her birthday wish to go on a trip. It is a nice trip, and there will be many opportunities to have a nice time. Somehow though, this REALLY raises the blood pressure. In fact, I haven’t even mentioned it to Sweetheart yet because he will lose his cool. I mean really lose it.

So how do you explain how incredibly messed up this is without sounding like a whiny, little girl. I am in my 30’s and my mother just doesn’t know the word
I am fighting all urges to eat a cheese steak and fries. At least now I can confirm this woman is one of my food triggers.

*image from*


  1. My mom does that a lot too. You do need to tell her that she's overstepping her boundaries, but it is also her birthday and she's not getting any younger. If you do decide to go on the cruise, don't make it an obligation. Actually enjoy it and make the trip worth it. If you decide not to go, well still do something nice for your mom but explain to her the circumstances. Moms always understand. They don't want to, but they will.

    Let me know if you make mashed potatoes for dinner one day!

  2. OH snap, you must be my sister in law. My mother in law does crap like this to me all the time. Every year at least three times a year she makes plans without consulting me what so ever. Next Saturday I will be hosting a mini family reunion. I just found out last night after all the plans had been made by all the attending members.

    IF you decide to go forget about the way it came about and totally enjoy it.

  3. Eww, that's not good. I hate situations like that.

  4. Ugh, my mom does things sometimes that make me want to *punch her in the face*. Like telling me she may be moving in with me for "a while, but not forever" in a few months. Not forever? That is your only time limitation??? Anyway, back to you :) I agree with Jess, you need to decide what you want to do on your own and own it either way. If you can't go, you can't go and I am sure she will get over it...eventually :)

  5. Oh... If my mum did that to me, I'd thank her but tell her that I hadn't committed to the trip, and thinking about it realistically, it's not something I can afford this year. Luckily, my mum would know better than to spring something like that on me...

    If you want to go and can afford it, explain that it's lucky you CAN afford it this time, but in future, if she commits you to something without firming up the details with you first, it's at her expense.

    Harsh, but fair!

  6. My mom is the same. Everything is planned and centered around her schedule.

    I love my mom. But sometimes interacting with her makes me want to down a Wendy's number three biggie sized. Yeesh.


    The vacation does sound like fun though....?