Sucking in Jack Sh*t

Dear BBF(Blog-Boy-Friend) JackSh*t,
(He asked a few questions and wanted to be ‘sucked in’. So like a good BGF, I am answering.)

Why do you suppose you let your life be less than you imagined it to be?
Well, I got lazy. There is really no other excuse. I think I have always had a little of this in me, but I started to feel entitled to things when I went to college. I didn’t have to work hard to get the things I wanted. They were just going to fall into my lap and make things clean. I could slack off in my studies. I could slack off at work. I would just eat what I wanted and sleep all I wanted and physical activity is so lame. Not only was I not stepping up to the challenge, but I wasn’t really interested in being challenged. This strategy had worked up to this point, so why change?!? Ultimately, this method did have some consequences. I quit school because it did get more difficult. I broke up with my Sweetheart for stupid reasons, like he was taking up too much of my time. I purposely made myself reclusive, all when things got harder. Some would say I was depressed or just immature. Maybe so, but it was a pattern that continued for 10 years. Slowly, I got certain parts of my life together. I have a good professional life. I reconnected with my Sweetheart and mended that relationship. I just left my health to suffer until now.

Why do you stumble so often despite all your good intentions?
Isn’t the road to Hell paved with good intentions? Actions speak louder than words, and it is so easy to be a hypocrite to yourself when no one is looking and no one is asking the hard questions. No one came up to me and said, you look like sh*t Missa. Get off your fat*ss and get moving. No one was coming up to me and saying, you can do it Missa. I believe in you. What I have learned is no one asked, not because they don’t give a sh*t, but because I didn’t ask them to do it.

Why do you sabotage yourself?
I just find it ‘easier’ to focus on other people’s battles than on my own. I would make myself ‘too busy’ to fight the challenges that I needed to fight for myself. Eventually, this pattern made me overly anxious and then I would just stuff my face with gratifying food. Then, without realizing it, I would be blaming the people around me for my failures.

Why are you here anyway?
I’m here because I am dying. Period. We all are. I just don’t want to die any sooner than I should and I want the experiences in my life to be full. I owe that to myself.

If you’re making it, if you’re succeeding on this weight-loss journey, tell me why this time is different than all the others.
So far, I am making it. It is only week 10, so I don’t know if I have really been at this time around long enough to say this is the make-it moment. But, what I can say is that I planned the hell out of this time. I actually made a project plan, like I would do if I was doing one for work. Project: Losing Ethel. I planned my health plan. I saw a physician and a health educator. I set up my blog. I cleared my kitchen of crap. I spoke to my family to tell them what support I needed. I told them that I need them to ask me the hard questions and keep me accountable. I told them that I need praise when I do well. I cleared my professional schedule to ensure I had time to do some fitness. I did all of these things before I could start the process. These things seem to be working. I needed to clear my life of the little BS that ultimately almost always gets in my way. The goal is to plan what you can so you can cope with the unexpected.

Why are you going to make it this time when you’ve fallen short before.
I have wanted it for so long and it is just time. One of things that makes me so confident is knowing that if I follow the plan, it will really work. I had worked with this eating and fitness plan about a year ago and lost weight. I failed because I didn’t make it a lifestyle, I didn’t enlist a good support system, and regressed back to old habits. There is definite comfort in knowing that if you work on something the result is going to happen.

Why are you going to keep it off this time when you’ve gained it back before.
I am really changing my life, not just habits. The people in my life are even different. Hey, I even have a whole blogosphere of love in my life this time. Good energy, good support are just so great.

Why are you a different person now than you were before?
Well, I don’t know if I am a different person, but I am definitely letting the real me shine. I guess you could say that this is a time to be selfish instead of selfless.

So Jack, did I suck you in?

Your BGF forever,
Missa xoxo