I have a visual of a cheap, leisure suited man.. sweaty palms.. spinach in teeth.. smarmy.. trying to sell me a bill of sale that just doesn't seem right. Except it isn't a Car this time: it is my fitness plan; it is my healthy food choices.
While I know I have done the research, planned all the best food choices in my cupboard, I still try to sell myself on that extra piece of cheese, one more dinner out with heavy gravies and sugary syrups, and staying home to watch reruns of House instead of running. Why do I play such mind games with my health? I am slowly.. no wait, not so slowly, killing myself. It is insane.
I try to knowingly kill myself because the evidence isn't immediate. It is all smoke and mirrors.
I really worry about my ability to keep self control. I like to think that I can do it and I am stronger and smarter and prepared. I spend lots of $$ on fitness trainers and nutritional counselors to build that support mechanism... yet still I am weak. I am one french fry away from a total food meltdown.
I am 36 and have been overweight for most of my life. There are much better things that define me, but till I work on this weight, it is the stinky fart in the room. So, I write this to keep accountable, to find inspiration in others, to rekindle the joy in myself.