I never thought I would do this, but I am starting to find myself to be over critical of people who are fat.
I have a consultant working for me and I find myself constantly checking her work. Why? Cause she gives me the lazy vibe. Yup, she's fat. She sighs a lot when she shuffles through the office. She takes extra breaks because she smokes. Her clothes don't fit well, so she looks disheveled. She is constantly snacking at her cube, or getting up to get snacks or drinks. Productivity appears lower than other staff.
While all the above is true, she also does the workload that has been presented to her. I have not been dissatisfied with any of the results she has provided. This being said, I keep thinking that she could be doing more. Really, she just pisses me off because I used to be her and could easily be her again. I want her to do better, because if she can't, maybe I can't either. Self doubt is a real Bitch. I wish there was something I could do that was somewhat professional, where I could give her the hint of moving and eating less. I know there isn't, cause how self-righteous is that?! But, I still want to.
I took a training class this week with one other person. She was slow. Yup. She was fat. But she wasn't that far off from my current size. Still, I was not interested in waiting for her to catch up. I really didn't want to work on her success. I just wanted to do my thing. The point of a group training is to inspire one another. I wasn't having it. Instead, I kept thinking this chic is just too slow for me. I hated the class, as a result. I ruined my own workout, which normally gives me such joy. Well, maybe not joy, but it lets me burn off all my excess asshole anger.
So, here's to trying to lose my own bullshit. Today, I am hateful. What an ass am I....
I am 36 and have been overweight for most of my life. There are much better things that define me, but till I work on this weight, it is the stinky fart in the room. So, I write this to keep accountable, to find inspiration in others, to rekindle the joy in myself.