I have made no secrets thus far about my mother's complete lack of happiness about my impending nuptials. It is what it is, and there is nothing I can say or do about it to change her. However, it is getting to me. I feel robbed of my happiness. There are other people who have gone out of their way to be happy for me, and yet, it all doesn't matter because she isn't happy for me. I can't voice this enough.
Yesterday, I extended an Olive Branch to her and we went together to try some Wedding Dresses. This is a double whammy since I was combining wedding and body image issues in a single task. I just want to feel beautiful on this day. My mother had NOTHING nice to say. The best compliment I got was, 'well, I don't hate this one'. I feel pretty deflated. She wants to go with me to another Bridal Shop. I would rather get a limb amputated, sans anesthesia.
Today, all I had to do was look through books of invitations. It was a simple task that Sweetheart and I needed to do. I sulked the whole way through. I wanted nothing to do with the whole process. It was all expensive, or gaudy, or excessive. I couldn't find a single thing that inspired me. I soon realized that I was stealing the joy from my fiance, but acting just like my mother did. I lost it. I cried the whole way home. My wedding hasn't even happened and I already feel like it is completely ruined.
I am overly stressed out. None of this is going to bode well for my mental and physical well being. All I wanted to do was leave and stuff my face. Luckily, when I suggested we get ice cream, Sweetheart said, "Is this where I am supposed to be the asshole and say 'no ice cream?' " Love that man. I got a coffee instead and felt a bit better. I am going to a late Mass. Maybe Jesus can clear my head and my heart.
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