LosingEthel

A Good Week

2011-03-20T07:06:00.000-04:00

I admit, my latest posts have been pretty depressing. I have been motivated to write about the things that really upset me or get me ticked off. I'm not appologizing, but I am just sayin'. So today, I want to list the good stuff in my pretty good week.

1. My boss was out of the office this week, which meant I could get work done in peace.
2. I had a good week of eating.
3. I tried a new fitness class, and liked it.
4. The weather was nice, so I got to go for a walk with my Sweetheart.
5. I was asked to apply for a new job. I polished off my resume, and it looks really good.
6. I saw the movie, Paul. It was goofy and very enjoyable.
7. I slept a bit more this week, thanks to adjusting to the time zone.
8. My Sweetheart and I had a great meeting with the priest who will marry us.
9. I haven't been biting my nails.
10. I have been in touch with old friends.

So, now, if everything goes tits up, I can go back to this list and keep positive.

Selling Myself a Used Car

2011-03-15T08:47:00.000-04:00

I have a visual of a cheap, leisure suited man.. sweaty palms.. spinach in teeth.. smarmy.. trying to sell me a bill of sale that just doesn't seem right. Except it isn't a Car this time: it is my fitness plan; it is my healthy food choices.

While I know I have done the research, planned all the best food choices in my cupboard, I still try to sell myself on that extra piece of cheese, one more dinner out with heavy gravies and sugary syrups, and staying home to watch reruns of House instead of running. Why do I play such mind games with my health? I am slowly.. no wait, not so slowly, killing myself. It is insane.

I try to knowingly kill myself because the evidence isn't immediate. It is all smoke and mirrors.
I really worry about my ability to keep self control. I like to think that I can do it and I am stronger and smarter and prepared. I spend lots of $$ on fitness trainers and nutritional counselors to build that support mechanism... yet still I am weak. I am one french fry away from a total food meltdown.

May today bring some strength!

I Feel Robbed

2011-03-13T19:24:00.000-04:00

I have made no secrets thus far about my mother's complete lack of happiness about my impending nuptials. It is what it is, and there is nothing I can say or do about it to change her. However, it is getting to me. I feel robbed of my happiness. There are other people who have gone out of their way to be happy for me, and yet, it all doesn't matter because she isn't happy for me. I can't voice this enough.

Yesterday, I extended an Olive Branch to her and we went together to try some Wedding Dresses. This is a double whammy since I was combining wedding and body image issues in a single task. I just want to feel beautiful on this day. My mother had NOTHING nice to say. The best compliment I got was, 'well, I don't hate this one'. I feel pretty deflated. She wants to go with me to another Bridal Shop. I would rather get a limb amputated, sans anesthesia.

Today, all I had to do was look through books of invitations. It was a simple task that Sweetheart and I needed to do. I sulked the whole way through. I wanted nothing to do with the whole process. It was all expensive, or gaudy, or excessive. I couldn't find a single thing that inspired me. I soon realized that I was stealing the joy from my fiance, but acting just like my mother did. I lost it. I cried the whole way home. My wedding hasn't even happened and I already feel like it is completely ruined.

I am overly stressed out. None of this is going to bode well for my mental and physical well being. All I wanted to do was leave and stuff my face. Luckily, when I suggested we get ice cream, Sweetheart said, "Is this where I am supposed to be the asshole and say 'no ice cream?' " Love that man. I got a coffee instead and felt a bit better. I am going to a late Mass. Maybe Jesus can clear my head and my heart.

Hating the Fatties

2011-03-11T22:06:00.000-05:00

I never thought I would do this, but I am starting to find myself to be over critical of people who are fat.

Example:
I have a consultant working for me and I find myself constantly checking her work. Why? Cause she gives me the lazy vibe. Yup, she's fat. She sighs a lot when she shuffles through the office. She takes extra breaks because she smokes. Her clothes don't fit well, so she looks disheveled. She is constantly snacking at her cube, or getting up to get snacks or drinks. Productivity appears lower than other staff.

While all the above is true, she also does the workload that has been presented to her. I have not been dissatisfied with any of the results she has provided. This being said, I keep thinking that she could be doing more. Really, she just pisses me off because I used to be her and could easily be her again. I want her to do better, because if she can't, maybe I can't either. Self doubt is a real Bitch. I wish there was something I could do that was somewhat professional, where I could give her the hint of moving and eating less. I know there isn't, cause how self-righteous is that?! But, I still want to.

Example:
I took a training class this week with one other person. She was slow. Yup. She was fat. But she wasn't that far off from my current size. Still, I was not interested in waiting for her to catch up. I really didn't want to work on her success. I just wanted to do my thing. The point of a group training is to inspire one another. I wasn't having it. Instead, I kept thinking this chic is just too slow for me. I hated the class, as a result. I ruined my own workout, which normally gives me such joy. Well, maybe not joy, but it lets me burn off all my excess asshole anger.

So, here's to trying to lose my own bullshit. Today, I am hateful. What an ass am I....

Working Out My Self-Anger

2011-03-10T07:27:00.000-05:00

So, I am pretty pissed at myself now that I see how much I have been slacking. I need to get my head out of my ass. To counter this, I have been using this new found anger to kick my own ass. As Awesome trainer Debbie is no longer at my gym, I tried a semi-private group class. I left totally bored. I thought that it was supposed to keep some personalization to it. Otherwise, it is the same as walking into a class offered at a big-box gym. I hated it. Luckily, I did not pay for it. I also think I am really pissed at the owner who let Debbie go, so I am finding reasons not to like it. I am not ready to give up the goat with the place yet, but we shall see.

So, I called Debbie. I have been dying for weeks to train with her. As she is awesome, she said she was working out for herself and said I could come.. How cool?!? I am training with my super cool trainer... TOTALLY MOTIVATING. We worked hard. I hurt this morning and I couldn't be more happy about it. I felt pushed and worked to that 'oh shit' point so many times and so many sets. And we laughed. And we cursed.

I know this sounds funny, but if I can't easily bitch through the hard parts of a workout, it isn't fun. I never (well very seldom) say can't or won't. I do the reps I am told at the weight I am told. But I will curse through it. More cursing = Better Workout

Hopefully, I can stay pissed enough to blow through some serious burn over the next few weeks.

Reading a book: Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole. I bought it about a year ago and blew threw it. I don't remember anything I read, so I am giving it a go again. Anyone else read it?

Is My Bottom Below Death?

2011-03-08T17:53:00.000-05:00

I read this saying in a post. Some people don't hit their rock bottom. Their rock bottom is below death. As in, they just keep slipping till they just die. Is this me?

Can I survive one hour of exercise a day so I can avoid 24 hours of dead?

Can I eat just what I planned, and not snack on disease and disappointment?

What the heck man? I keep making promises to myself that I am terrified I won't be capable of keeping.
Why is can't I get over my own bullshit. What is this compulsion of mine to EAT EAT EAT!!

I am not really a double post daily kind of gal, but I am just feeling raw. I need an outlet. Not sure where I am going with it yet.

Not Quite So Fat Tuesday: Not Enough

2011-03-08T05:17:00.000-05:00

Last year, on Fat Tuesday, I weighed 255.5 lbs. Today, I weigh 228.3. Any loss is a win, and I value that piece of my health returning to me. But really, that is 27.2 lbs in a year. I can do so much better. I think I am looking at this all wrong. I have been measuring total loss across the journey, but that timeline is getting longer and longer. I am stretching out the time to my goal way too thin. This is my life: my whole life and I am fudging around with it.

No more half way, regardless of pain, illness, weakness. Anything I do to make myself healthy will make me stronger. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

So, for Lent, I give up the gluttony of excuses. This will be the hardest Lent I think I am going to ever have.
I need to get over myself, and quick.

In other news, I finally told my father I am getting married. He has been distant with me for about 2 years, ever since he has had money problems. He seemed somewhat happy for me, but his depression clouds his expression of emotion. He lost his health, and couldn't keep up with his finances. The US is fundamentally cruel to our seriously ill. He is another motivation, as I just can't stomach the idea of being him: super strong, then annihilated by a heart attack. My former invincible Dad has to sleep all day on Wednesdays and Sundays, so he can gather the strength to go to work and sit at a desk for 8 hours. God, I wish rest was enough. I know his lack of support effects my stress, but I need to use this event for good. Sometimes even negatives need to turn to positives.

While I Was Out... Running, India, Taj Mahal, e coli

2011-03-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

I have had every desire in the world not to write on this blog. I have breezed in a few times over the last 60 days to watch all my favorite players, but I have basically laid low.

So here is my catch up: I've been running... a lot. I am still impressed with myself that I haven't caused any weird injuries and have been keeping up. My trainer Debbie quit my gym and I am conflicted about it. She was 'let go' because of personality clashes between her and the owner.. This makes me like the gym less, as Debbie is awesome. She of course, got another job right away, but it is far from my home. I don't know if I can realistically join there and be consistent. I have to create wins for myself and I definitely don't need another excuse, like distance, to avoid being fit.

I also went on a pretty life changing trip: I went to India for three weeks. New Delhi to be exact. It was like landing on another planet. I have never seen such wealth and such poverty all at the same time. Both tips of the scale made me incredibly uncomfortable: one, because how do you live with yourself being so excessive, and two, how do you not do everything in your power to improve your circumstance? But at the same time, when did I become so judgemental? Clearly, as an American, I believe in people driving their own destiny. This is totally the opposite of what I found in India. There, there is a strong belief that the Gods put you in your station in life, and that is where you belong. I could go on and on about the caste system, but its probably better you read about it on your own.

While there, I did take a trip to the Taj Mahal. I mean, if you are going to India, you have to go see the Taj. So, here it is, in all its glory. I learned some interesting things there. Indians like to take Westerner's picture. I think I am in at least 20 Indian's vacation albums. I am like a space alien to them: blond, and white as the driven snow. I had women pet me like a dog and children touch me to see if I was made of marshmallow.

Eating in India is a real conflict. Most dishes are vegetarian, but you can get some nice chicken and shrimp entrees. I tried to stick to the vegetarian, which I thought would be the best prepared and also the most healthy. I was wrong. Many vegetarian dishes are full of gravies and oils and clarified butters. They are heavy and sit your gullet. However, they are yummy. I have a new appreciation for cauliflower that I never thought I would get. I also have a new appreciation for sanitary conditions. During my last week there, I got violently ill. I have not been that sick in all my memory. It was like my body hit the eject button, continuously, for 5 days. Note to self: e coli is nasty. Cipro is brilliant.

Despite keeping up with my fitness and 5 whole days of expelling all possible nutrition from my body, I landed home on Tuesday and weighed 236 lbs. This was a wake up for me that I just need to get back on a real schedule. I can't continue to have crazy diversions in my diet, in my sleep, and in my stress. My body just can't hack it. I have been religious since I landed in my food intake. I'm still a bit sick, so my exercise is a bit muted, but I am getting there.

If India taught me anything, it is that I am so much more greatful for what I have, what I believe, and what I can become. I am recharged. I am again ready to make things happen for myself. Look out, here I come.

Resolutions Fail. Set a SMART Goal.

2011-01-03T09:18:00.000-05:00

As you all know, I believe in SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely). I realized in the last few months, that I lost sight of this. I slacked off because I wasn't reaching for anything. I didn't have any goal in mind or in sight, other than 'don't be so heavy'. That is not enough. It needs to be something I can reach out and taste and it needs to be in a time period that doesn't seem like it is so far in the future that I won't see any wins in the near future. I need wins people.

So, is my goal to lose xx lbs of pounds in 2011? Nope. Is it to run xx miles? Nope.

My goal is to train for the next 15 weeks for a half marathon. April 17, 2011, I will run the Unite Half Marathon at Rutgers University. To do this, I am going to follow Hal Higdon's half-marathon training program. I will measure my performance by completing the required miles, strength and cross training regimen. I will document my fitness progress on Daily Mile.
I will continue to use HMR program to eat around 1200+ calories per day. I will document my food intake in my journal.

Separately, I will also begin to weigh and measure myself once per week, to track ongoing progress. However, the numbers here are not part of my goal. My feeling is my goal will produce results as an after effect, because really, my long term aspiration is to be an athlete, and not to be thin.

I have a younger brother who is a collegiate, record-setting runner. He is like a lung, surrounded by long lengthy muscles. We couldn't be more different in physique. Well, at least at the moment! Watch out world. Here I come!

Christmas Card List

2010-12-18T19:40:00.000-05:00

This is as close as I get to the Naughty and Nice List: who makes it on my card list this year?
I go through the address book and dutifully identify who gets and does not get a card this year. However, it is a bit more detailed than just that.

If you are off, then it is pretty clear that you suck... or at least at the moment you suck.

If you are in, then it really depends what kind of card and greeting that you get.
Are you close to me? Do you get a detailed note from me? Do you get the Merry Christmas greeting with blessings? Do you get the more generic, Happy Holidays?

Are you more traditional and need a more nostalgic picture on your card? Perhaps you are more jovial and the wiener dog wearing the Jingle sweater is sufficient? These are hard choices and hard times! My stamps are at the ready, ready to pounce on the correct combination.

Which one would you want? What would you want the greeting to be?

At the moment, if I were to write a Holiday greeting to myself, it would be:

Dear Missa,

You have had an incredible year. While I know you have had your ups and downs, take note that you have made significant changes in your life. I support you all the way. May next year bring more of the same.

Love,
Missa xoxo
(I would choose the Wiener dog in the Jingle sweater)

My 6 am Training

2010-12-13T17:44:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have had to play "juggle my personal and professional life" around so I can get the workout in game.
It has been a hassle at best. So, lately, my only open hour of the day has been 6 am. At first I thought this was going to be a real detriment to my mental health. After all, most people should be hitting snooze at this hour. Instead, I have found these moment enlightening and a real jump start to my day of crazy stresses and infinite jests (that is a book title, I think).

There is something about swinging a 16kg kettle bell over my head at 6 in the morning. It brings some clarity. I mean, I could kill something with that thing: especially myself. I guess it is nice that at 6 I don't have enough time yet in my day to think of anything else but the training itself. I am not misguided by the other thoughts that distract me like: what is for dinner, what am I going to say to such-in-such at work today, did I leave my car lights on?

There is just me and my fitness. I like that. I have been a bit lazy in my running over the past several weeks. I think I need to re-engage and I think the mornings is the time to do it. I am going to give it a go. I will let you know how I turn out.

Ignorance of certain subjects is a great part of wisdom

2010-12-12T11:52:00.000-05:00

This was the quote on my tea bag today. I have been having a good chuckle about it ever since. I have always thought that ignorance is bliss, but I never really thought of ignorance as a sign of wisdom. I think of all the things that I know a lot about, a little about, and absolutely nothing about. I wonder how they stack up to who I am?

Stuff I really know:
1. I know about music.
2. I know how to solve logical problems.
3. I know how to teach people so they learn.

Stuff I know a little about:
1. I know how to give a massage. I am certified, but could know much more.
2. I know how to exercise and eat well.
3. I know how to travel.

Stuff I know nothing about:
1. I don't know if my prayers mean anything.
2. I don't know if I can sustain my weight loss.
3. I don't know what I should know.

So, for now, I am going to think it over.

Trying on Wedding Dresses

2010-11-23T01:35:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, I have a 3 pm fitting for wedding dresses. I am really thinking about cancelling. At the same time, I have been totally remiss in planning anything for the big day. So, I feel like I should get on it. It is hard to think about wedding attire when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. I need more structure and I have done anything but be structured. The very idea of discipline has gone out the window and has been replaced with two weeks of jet lag and disordered eating while on a business trip, only to be home for 5 days so I can have turkey day (another day of disordered eating), followed by another stint on the road again. I need to get in control.

As well, it appears that I am going to be out of work soon, unless I do something really creative. I need to move departments and quick, because it appears that we are being outsourced. I can't talk to anyone about it at work, which makes it even more frustrating. I know I am not the last person to be in this situation, but it sure feels like it at the moment.

My fitness has been progressing OK. I keep up with my training, thank god. I did go to the gym while on travel as well. The past two days have not been so great. I have been sleeping and vegging. So, tomorrow needs to be better. The rest of the week needs to be better.

I also am trying to figure out why I am not blogging consistently. I think I am depressed. I think I have to do something about it. sigh...

I am not so ok-Pity Party

2010-10-27T04:32:00.000-04:00

*i need to vent, so if you are tired of reading whiny posts, come back another time.. Cheers.*

I have been in a funk. So, planning my wedding isn't so much fun. My mother isn't happy for me and I can't get over it. It is heartbreaking for me. While I have surrounded myself with positive people, it isn't the same as having your mom on your side.

As for my eating, it has been horrible. The stress has triggered all kinds of disordered eating. It is odd this time though, because I know as I am stuffing my face, that I am doing something incredibly wrong... and yet I do it anyway. I find I start the day OK: I eat a good breakfast, I have a cup of tea... then at about noon, I find some sort of snack, and then dinner is meh. I have no excuse. I even prepare healthy choices so they are right in front of me, but I keep making a right turn into path of destruction. Grr. I have even let good food spoil, in favor of total shit.

So, with this, so has gone my half-Marathon. My lovely job has decided to send me to Singapore, despite time off of work booked, so I am going to miss my OBX Marathon.. I am really bummed. I trained hard. I feel defeated. I am too bummed out to look for an alternative race.

So, I just weighed myself, and I am 223.8. This just sucks. No progress in weeks... I need to snap out of this, but I am just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Meh.

Post 3- Driving Miss Doofus

2010-10-04T14:00:00.001-04:00

I had to run out this evening and go buy some slacks that fit for work. This is an exciting thing! I got to try on some stuff in yet a smaller size. I am officially a petite 16. Score.

Today was a trying day. My soccer team lost: dear Arsenal.

I walked around NYC, and went to Eataly, so I could check it out. Very cool. And my favorite chef, Lidia Bastianich, was walking around the store with her mom, Ermina and granddaughter!! Love that woman. Her food rocks, her restaurants rock, and her cookbooks are easy to follow.

So, despite all things related to eating, I did not snack. Not once.

We made our drive back to NJ in no time, but by the time I was home, I was hungry. I noticed that driving while hungry was a problem. I found myself taking the 'long' roads home, so I could pass by my favorite pizzeria, my favorite sandwich shop. Each time, I had to chant, 'going home' to stop me from charging in and getting something decadent. I finally made it home and ate something, but I feel so out of control. What a waste of gas.

Why does food have such a hold over my brain?

Association Football = Soccer = Win

2010-10-03T15:00:00.000-04:00

Sweetheart and I are die hard football fans... Sorry, let me clarify: we are soccer fans. Association football is the world's most popular sport, except in the United States, and I am never going to understand that. It is so much more fast paced and full of strategy, compared with other sports. The players are incredible athletes: fast, agile, aggressive.. just awesome. (yes, I like American football as well, just not as much)

So why do I talk about this here: fitness. Soccer is fun and easy to play.
"According to a survey conducted by FIFA published in 2001, over 240 million people from more than 200 countries regularly play football. While football has the highest global television audience in sport, its simple rules and minimal equipment requirements at amateur level, have no doubt aided its growth in terms of participation." (link)

So do Americans play? Yup.
This is one of the few sports where a pick up game is more readily available and organized than any other sport. So, I did a little digging. Within 10 miles of my house, there are 9 separate soccer clubs that offer amateur league play for all ages. So, Sweetheart's birthday is coming up, I am signing him up for Soccer lessons. It will be a fun way for him to play and get ready to start into a league. It is also a way to get in that exercise without being the same ol' stuff. (Shh, don't tell him)

Post 1- October Accountability

2010-10-02T08:03:00.000-04:00

This month is game on. I set a date for my wedding, finally. You guys are privileged to be the first to know, as we have only told our mothers. My mom was non plussed and his mom was thrilled. It was what we expected. We are getting hitched on September 10, 2011. That is 9-10-11, for those of you who can't count. I have learned a few things so far: Weddings are insanely expensive for stuff that I just can't comprehend. I am paying for the whole thing, as Sweetheart isn't working, and I am not getting any volunteers from my family. I am trying to set a budget that I can live with without killing myself. I live in NJ, which isn't cheap. So, we shall see what happens!

This just gives me another carrot to dangle in front of myself to keep going and keep eating well and keep accountable. It also gives me some stress.

So, I will be counting my blessings/ counting my posts this month. I should have 31 in the end.

As for this week, I have not invested enough time in writing down what I eat. I will correct that today. It is important to see what you put in, or at least it is for me. If you ask me what I ate yesterday, it is somewhat foggy.

I haven't been running according to plan. I need to get that long run in this week, or the half-marathon is out. I won't be able to catch up. I have been training hard lately though. I have been swinging 20 k kettle bells like they are going out of style. As a result, I now have serious guns, generously protected by wings of flesh. I sure do hope that some of that skin shrinks in the next year. It ain't pretty.

I have found lately that I am far more critical about my appearance now that my body is changing. I find myself picking at myself more than I ever did when I was at my heaviest. It's funny: I think then, I just gave up and accepted that my body was big and that was ok. I even felt pretty, despite my size. My version of fat acceptance.

So, now that I have rejected this fat, I am really not pleased. I find more things on me I want to fix all day. It is amazing how you never get to a level of satisfaction. I have complained about something on my body, or found myself picking at myself in front of the mirror every day. What is the opposite of vanity? Is it Reticence? Is it self-deprication? Stumped. Either way, it isn't positive thinking. That was the whole point of getting healthier: to be positive.

Back To School: Health School

2010-09-27T18:05:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all of you guys out there for listening to me fall off the wagon, crack my head open, and spill my giggly bits all over the floor. I did go running yesterday and got in 3.5 miles. It wasn't a good run, but it sure was satisfying to get back on the horse. I cleaned up my eating act yesterday, and I have been good today as well.

So, to keep me on this kick, I am going to promise that October is a blog everyday month. I need to have a daily reminder to do something for myself. This blog is a time for me to really brain dump all the stuff that lurks in there.. I swear that I have more than cobwebs between my ears, and I am a blond!

As well, I am going to join my weekly check in calls with my nutrition plan, HMR. I took a break over the summer because I felt a little stuck with the meetings. However, I am over my stucked-ness and need to embrace the reinforcement. So kids, I am back to school... even if it is a month late!!

It is pissing down rain, so I will have to go to the gym tonight for my run. I think 4-5 miles are in my future...

Eating Everything That Moves = Missa

2010-09-26T08:17:00.000-04:00

I am in a slump. I am not keeping in control of what goes into my trap. It all starts so nicely, and then takes a dump on my sensibilities. Example of my intake yesterday:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with cocoa powder and fresh, warmed strawberries. Yummy and healthy.

Lunch: Beef and peas and carrots with cranberry relish. Meal was courtesy of HMR, but I added the horseradish yummy-ness.

Not bad, but just wait:

Dinner: Greek Salad, way too much dressing. Gyro with all the fixin's. Could I have had chicken or veggies, yes. Did I? Nope.

Second Dinner: Half a Grandma pizza and a bag of Australian licorice. Why the heck was I even eating? GRRRR.

So, now it is the morning after, and I am doing the walk of shame. I have immediate punishment: I have the worst indigestion ever, and I smell like a walking gyro- garlic factory. I am supposed to do a long run this morning, but I don't think I will make it with all this ridiculousness in my gullet. So, I am going to wait, and hope this stuff works its way out of my body sooner rather than later.

I hope all of you are having a better day! Don't do this to yourselves!!

Long-term Weight Loss May Actually Be Bad For You

2010-09-09T20:38:00.000-04:00

I read the news everyday via RSS feed at work. I skim the titles, get a feel for the good, the bad and the daily ugly. Well, today I just jumped out of my chair.

Headline: Long-term Weight Loss May Actually Be Bad For You

How can this be?!? Does this mean I should grab the nearest cheeseburger? Five Guy's, here I come!

HALT! Before I chomp down, here are the highlights: Scientists in Hong Kong found
-- Fat stores all kinds of toxins and residues from the things we ingest (eat, breathe, lather on our skin)
--When we lose fat, the fat releases the toxins into our bodies
--Our bodies freak out, leading to short term and long term illnesses.

I find this study interesting (gross). However, I think it is one sided.
--Fat does store little nastiness in our bodies, (yuck).
I want that OUT of me!! Why would I let my unhealthy, unfit body deal with toxins leaching in-between my organs?!? Ick.
--It doesn't really say if the rate of fat loss is a factor. I think anytime you rapidly increase or decrease your weight, you are in for some unexpected health issues. Your body wants some equilibrium. Any rapid anything makes my body really pissed.
--I will take my chances. The path of declining health is certain at a higher weight. Healthy people lead better lives.

What do you guys think?

Big Ticket Item Anxiety

2010-09-04T09:51:00.000-04:00

I have been a busy bee lately, doing my homework and such for a few big tickets.

1. I need a new car. I have waited to buy one until I was officially in the need category and not in the want category. I am genetically cheap. I would like to say thrifty, but that isn't it. I like a deal and I hate parting with cash.

2. I have been scoping out wedding facilities. Yeah, I am finally hitchin' my wagon to Sweetheart. It has only taken us forever. I am waiting on a meeting/confirmation on the church and then I can book, but I want to be prepared. I have learned a few things: a. weddings are ridiculously expensive for the wedding that I want b. I think I might be a bridezilla because I really don't know what I want, but I am sure snippy about it.

I notice a few things about doing these tasks. For one, I have bitten my nails down to stumps. I am not sleeping like I should. I have slept through my alarm or did the 'sat dazed' on the couch to the last minute. I am just flustered by these life-changing issues. It has also once again made me put the breaks on another big ticket item: school. It is important and I need to do it. I just instill avoiding behavior.

So, for my fitness this week: 2x at the trainer, but no running thus far. This half is not going to run itself. There is a 5k in my town this weekend. I think I might punish myself with it.

As for eating: I am doing OK. I did have a 3 slice pizza lunch and a digression with Chinese food this week. As well, I went to the movies and smuggled in some Australian strawberry licorice. I am absolutely addicted. OK, so now that I write this, maybe I am not OK. Maybe I am pushing it. I didn't feel guilt at the time, but this confession sure is getting to me!

You might have noticed I haven't posted my weight in a few weeks. No real reason for not doing this, but being distracted. I feel like I haven't given it my all, and I guess I haven't felt like showing the non-movement of my numbers as a result. Monday's weigh in will be posted, I promise.

I haven't completely melted down yet, but the pressure sure is mounting. I worry I am headed for a disaster. Surely, if I was where I was last December and tried to to these things, I think I would be in a coma. Thanks for listening and being my outlet today. Off to test-drive some cars. At least this part should be fun!

*image stresswaived.com

Why So Hard, Yet So Simple

2010-08-28T07:34:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about losing weight: the whole process. I have now lost a good chunk, and am well on my way to keep going and getting to a place I haven't been in at least 10 years. It is so exciting.

Yet, the reality is the process of getting here is really simple: eat less, exercise more. So why is it really so very difficult? Why is it that this has been a battle, worse than any other war? Why do I have to remind myself everyday to keep doing this, to keep going?

This is my 100th post. It is a milestone of 100 reminders to keep moving, keep trying. I pledge to leave the baggage at the door, and to allow myself to enjoy this process. I am so much stronger, I look so much healthier, I have so much more respect for myself. I pledge to stop fighting the invisible battles and just get on with it.

To quote the great Stewart Smalley: I am good enough. I am smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!
Before:

After:

Don't Let 'em Get You Down

2010-08-21T13:03:00.001-04:00

I am on a kick-some-ass push. I am learning Turkish Get-Ups. Don't they even sound bad ass? To motivate your own kick-ass push, even if you are getting down, no worries. I have the cure. Just think of this little guy:

Needless to say, I have had a true desire for cheddar. Happy Saturday!

Avoiding the Camera

2010-08-18T20:50:00.000-04:00

Jack's post made me think a bit.

I have been with my Sweetheart for over 17 years. I think I can think of 10 pictures of us that I would actually show someone, and maybe 20 pictures that actually exist. How is that possible? I think there are whole portions of my life where I ducked a camera at any cost. I undoubtedly did this because I was unhappy in my appearance.

Well, now I am less fat. I am pleasantly happy about it. However, I don't see myself changing my picture habits... How do I start operation photogenification? When I was small, I think my mother had me at JCPenney and Sears every week for a professional shoot. I had what I can only coin a 'Cherry Coke' smile: If you have trouble idenfying this, just close your eyes. Imagine it is over 100 degrees and 100% humidity outside, and you just mowed the lawn. You come into the garage, and pull an ice-cold Cherry Coke out of the fridge. It opens with a sizzle. You take a gulp. You sigh. Now, what smile is on your face? = Cherry Coke Smile. I had the same overly exuberant pose in all my pictures.

I need to change my thinking. I need a reason to smile so much and so hard that dimples magically appear.

Got any jokes to get me started?

What the Hell Is a Water Belt?

2010-08-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

I am becoming a bit of a gadget girl. I needed some sort of way to hydrate myself while still running, since apparently stopping for a drink is for total wussies and amateurs. Hey, I can run 5 miles. I am a pro. (insert cough here).

Anyway, I went to my local fancy schmancy running store and asked for a water bottle carrier. I was told to go to the 'hydration system' section of the store. Holy crap. Now, when I am thirsty, I need a system. A whole friggin' system. There, I was greeted by the guru of hydration, who must love running more than anything, I suppose. I mean, who else wants to stand on their feet for hours, talk about 'hydration systems' and get paid minimum wage to talk to a 'pro' like me?!?.... Runners.

Anyway, I was shown bottles that clip to my hand: too lop-sided, bladders that zip on to me like a vest: I am not a camel, and the Water Belt. I chose this one because it fits a 20 oz bottle, and has a little compartment to put my junk. Simple and sorted. You can check it out here. <--This is a better deal than I paid.

I tried the belt today during my run. It was half win, half fail. It swishes a bit when I run, which I must drown out with the tunes. I can't figure out how to keep moving and get the bottle back in the holster. So, I find myself holding the bottle for a while. However, I am happily hydrated. Happy Fitness Friends!

Save Me From Myself

2010-08-11T19:04:00.000-04:00

Today I feel pretty good. I have upped my fitness again: I increased the length & frequency of my runs and I have really been putting the effort into my personal training. As well, I have tried very hard to make sure I get in all my servings of fruit and veggies and drink some water! I think it has paid off.. I have been losing the past few weeks and feel like I deserve a reward...

The reward that I want is Pat's Pizzeria take out. WHY????

Why is that the first thing I think of when it comes to rewards? Why don't I think of jewelry, or new furniture, or a trip, or hell.. a car. Nope, I think of a cheese steak, wings, pizza and some sort of dessert.

How do I break this initial thought? How do I retrain my mind to have a better mapping in my head? Here is how it goes:

Any ideas to switcheroo it around?

Oh, and I know I owe you guys some progress pics, so this crap ass one from my cell will have to do for the moment till I get home from my business trip. (decor a la Marriott)

Buying Clothes OUTSIDE a Plus Size Store

2010-07-26T20:04:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap!!
I bought a size 18 and a size 16 in a REGULAR store. Say WHAAAAAT?!?

I bought a pencil skirt (me showing leg... I must have a fever)

I bought a button-down shirt and I am not worried the girls are going to fall out!!

I bought a pair of khakis and they don't get all bunchy like a I have a package.

Score!! Yay Land's End. Missa loves you today.

Happy Monday!! Pictures to follow...

Chinese Take-Out Wisdom

2010-07-24T08:36:00.001-04:00

My Fortune Cookie tonight says:
"Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body".

How true. So, how am I feeding my mind? Well, not as well as I should. Lately, I have kept myself full of work-related nothingness. So, how can I fix this? I know full well how to do it.

1. Read a book. I am always more level headed when I am in the middle of a good read. It could be fiction or a true story about a person, place, thing, or even some horrible murder mystery thing. What they all have in common is that they are an escape for my mind.

2. Breathe. Take time to clear my mind entirely, except for the noise of my breath. Some call it meditation. I call it just breathing. During this time, my mind sometimes stays empty. Other times, it fills like an empty cup with other thoughts. Either way, it is a good thing.

3. Learn about something new. I like to have a project on the side. That could be learning a new language, taking a class, or maybe even learning a new fitness routine. Lately, this has been taken up by learning how to keep up with a running program, but also learning a bit about Kettle bell training.

4. Plan an adventure. Adventures do not need to be across the planet in unusual places. Adventures can be right in your backyard. Just knowing there is something coming up is a fantastic motivator. So, my next adventure that I am planning to take: Philadelphia, Labor Day weekend to see the Red Bull Flugtag competition!! You just have to see the link to believe it.

So, besides not eating Chinese take out and keeping better with my food records, I really need to work on balance.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Oh, and I almost forgot:
Lucky Numbers 10, 26, 15, 16, 38, 36
Learn Chinese - Fish 鱼 (Yú)

These Hips Don't Lie

2010-07-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

My Hips are on Fire.. and no, I am not talking about some dance move, or me shakin' my groove thang...

No, my hips hurt. They are beyond sore. They just nag. Ibuprofen is not working.
I need stretches. Good ones. I know I am just not hitting it right. I know I am not injured, just AGGRIVATED!!!

Please provide your besties.

Happy Fried-day....

We Ain't Restin' Today

2010-07-21T09:28:00.002-04:00

Today was a day of cross-training and strength training with Trainer Debbie. She dutifully kicked my tail with strength intervals and high-intensity movements for 45 minutes. I am sore in places ladies should not be sore without better reasons, and well.... Thanks Deb. My sweetheart thanks you too...

Sometimes, I think that it hurts all the more after having a day of resting. My body natually wants to go to hibernation mode. It thinks, hey, she ain't movin'. Time to chill... Forever. Sorry, not today. Not EVER again.

This brings me to the next thing I have been pondering lately. NOT EVER AGAIN. I don't want to be where I was EVER AGAIN. There is no going back. I am mentally, physically, spiritually a different person. I want more. I feel more. I care more. It is fan-flippin-tastic. It is a high from the Missa drug. There is no prescription. It is just me and my thoughts and my needs for things to be better.

I hope your day is filled with better.... and more.

Days of Rest

2010-07-20T06:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a day of rest in my Marathon Training Program. Rest. Does this mean I sleep all day? Does this mean I watch TV and eat ice cream? Up to this point, I have had a general goal to do some sort of movement everyday, even if it was just 5 minutes. So, now, I have Saturdays and Mondays to chill.

I have been invited to do some stretching on these days, which is nice. I think I have turned part feline, as every morning, I wake up an arch and twist and scurry like a cat for at least 15 minutes before I can really leave the bed.

So, now it is Tuesday morning, the day after rest, and I am really pooped... and for what? I almost feel like I am hibernating. My face is puffy. It wants me to go back into slumber. I hit snooze, which is incredibly unlike me. I am usually a get-up-and-go kinda gal. Oh well. Time for work. I hope you all have a great Tuesday!

Holy Half Marathon Batman!

2010-07-18T09:01:00.000-04:00

OK.. So I am doing it... no, not IT, I am going to train for a half-marathon. Where are your dirty brains? (Exactly where yours is, Missa)

I think I can do it. I am aiming for the OBX half, which is in 18 weeks. I am going to follow HalHigdon.com and do his NOVICE program. Except, I am going to do my long runs on Sundays and I am going to use my 2 personal training session per week as my strength and cross train. I think it is doable. Anyone want to join me?

I did a four mile long run this morning. Despite being hot out and covered in sweaty grossness... I feel pretty good! I think the huge hoagie roll I picked away at last night got me nice and carbed up, making me feel happily fueled. So, the plan is to feed and water myself, shower and then take my carcass to the beach to soak up the sunscreen and beach umbrella (note: Missa is the white-est woman in America. I give Albino's a run for their money).

This was a great B-day weekend. I rested, I ate, I played with children, I beached. All in all, big wins.
AND....... cross your fingers folks, but I think I may have good news on the career front.. more on that later.

OK.. Enjoy your Sunday! Do something physical out there. Maybe some IT.

Birthday Week!

2010-07-12T05:26:00.000-04:00

Hiya.. This is a big week for me. It's my BIRTHDAY WEEK!! On Friday, I get the privilege of being one more year older, wiser, and HEALTHIER (or so I hope!). To reflect, I decided to post a graph of my overall progress, since Jan. For the most part, it is slow and steady, with a positive downward slope. I will take it! However, if you just look at this month (which you can do at the bottom of my blog anytime you want), it is big hockey stick. Missa has not been dedicating enough to herself lately, and letting stuff get in the way. So, instead of down in the dumpiness, I am plowing ahead.

I found a challenge that I want to try. It is the 5 x 5 Ford Challenge. Basically, I try to run or walk a 5K 5x's a week. I can break it up anyway I want, so if I want to walk a bit in the am, then run later, or maybe run 6 k one day and 2 the next.. But I am up for it. This will be my goal for the next 20 days. Feel free to join me!

Here is to a strong week.

Down and Out in NJ

2010-07-06T08:00:00.001-04:00

It is super hot here in New Jersey. Depressingly, Scorching, Simmering. The kind of hot that prevents progress, that prevents anyone who does not have a death wish, from doing anything overly physical. I am relegated to my couch. I am finding that even working out in the house feels oppressive, as my air conditioning just doesn't get enough of the humidity out of the air.

I am making excuses of course. I am in a funk. I gained for the whole time I was away on business and it is totally my fault. The end of my 12 week push was non-existent. I am also off guard, because I didn't plan my next 12 week push. I should have already started it last week!! So, this is me, unplanned and unprepared, like the kid in the back of the class, who emphatically says the 'dog ate my homework'.

I need a 12 week, SMART goal. I am coming up on empty. Any help, anyone? I need some sort of goal to get me jump started.

Missa will ________ for the next 12 weeks. Please fill in the blank for me.

I ran 4 miles

2010-07-05T06:52:00.000-04:00

Hey Y'all! I'm home now after 2 weeks in Singapore. I am getting way too old for the whole jet lag thing. It really does a number on my self-control. When I am overly tired, I just don't give my 100%. I ate whatever while I was away, and the scale is a direct result of that. I did not keep up with my fitness. I only worked out 2 days each week, which is pretty darn lame. I am kinda pissed off at myself about it, because I really want to protect this weight loss. So, to punish myself, I ran a Firecracker 4 miler on July 4th.

I just landed the afternoon before (22 hours in flight), which makes you dehydrated and sleep deprived. However, since I woke up at 4 am, a 9:30 run didn't seem so bad... or at least not at the moment. Here are the wins:

1. I ran consistently. I did not stop or walk. I ran slowly, but I ran 14 minute miles for each mile.
2. I ran within a good target heart rate. I ran between 160-168 bpm. This is a good place for me.
3. I kept cool. It was hot. I watched people overdo it, not finish, and I wasn't one of them.

Here are the bads:

1. I was almost the last to finish. Just completing was my goal, but I certainly didn't want to be last. I think I finished ahead of about 10 people out of about 1000. I felt really self-conscious. I am really tired of being the fat chick that people stare at. (or at least feeling like the one being stared at).
2. Afterward, I felt OK. I didn't eat much before the race. So, I ate a banana and drank some water. Seemed harmless right?
3. I drove home. I felt a strange pain in my tummy. So, I drove really fast. Move immediately to the commode. Super barf, followed by 5 hour nap. So much for the 4th.

I know I am not the first person to puke after a run, but I wonder what ultimately did me in. Was it the banana? Did I drink not enough/too much water? Did I push myself too far? I may never know.
So, this week's goal is to get back on schedule and back on my routine. Yay being home! Yay running 4 miles.

Schnackered

2010-06-23T12:54:00.000-04:00

OK, so I am currently on the sauce. This means I had a few. I threw a few back. I am schnackered. But come on... it is World Cup people!! I just spent a bit over 90 minutes with hundreds of Ex-pat US and England fans, watching on double screens, drinking what is called a tower... Yes, a tower of Tiger beer with my pal Dave. It was fantastic. In case you don't follow the news, England and the US won 1-nil!!! That puts the US in first place in division C. I enjoyed telling that repeatedly to Dave, as he bleeds red and white....

Here in Singapore, the next games play at 2:30 in the morning, so I am not going to make it to find out whether Ghana or Germany take it. However, I will be really curious when I wake, as it will determine who plays who in the next round. My bets are that Germany takes it and the next game is
US v. Germany... but we shall see!!

So this is my life-balance post for today... I drank beer. I even had some wings (no sauce), and a cheeseburger from McD's. I never go there, but in Singapore, believe it or not... the burgers are
fan-flippin'-tastic. As well, I also ran a 5k this morning on the treadmill, because I CAN!!!
For those of you who are struggling through a rough patch.... I am here for you.. You can make it through. I weigh over 200 pounds and I run and I HAVE FUN! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!

OK, off to bed before I make a mess of it. Cheers!

Anxiety, You Bastard

2010-06-22T10:57:00.000-04:00

Greetings from Singapore.. Yup, on a two-week jaunt for work. I spent all of last week getting all anxious about the trip, eating my feelings and being pissy about it. So, here I am, a week on from my last post and 1.5 lbs heavier for the week. Thank God I pay a personal trainer, because if I didn't, I most certainly would not have worked out last week at all.

Now that I am here, I feel fine. It is funny how that works out. All the build up for a big nothing. I even woke at a reasonable time this morning, had a healthy breakfast, and worked out at the hotel gym (which is very, very nice). So, I am back on the wagon people. Sorry for being MIA.

Have a strong week people!!

Spinning Win and Food Fail

2010-06-15T12:00:00.001-04:00

I did and completed, (focus on completed), my first SPIN class. I have been secretly plotting to do it for a while. I tried to do one a couple years ago, but I never had the stamina. I always whinged through the ass pain as I could never get the seat right. I always had a reason to quit. I considered my previous attempt to be a real failure, source of embarrassment, and I just needed to overcome it. Even if I got through the class just once, hated it, and never did it again, I needed to know that I could do it. I needed to validate what I kind of already knew: That I am stronger than I was before.

Well, I did it! And.... I really enjoyed it. The instructor was a bit intimidating: she was like a walking muscle with lungs. However, I liked the music (who wouldn't like climbing a hill to Led Zeppelin?), and I felt like I could set a pace for myself and not overdo it too soon. It helped that I have been using a heart rate monitor for a while, and know what my levels are.

This all being said, the true test is tomorrow morning, when I wake up and hopefully can move :-)

Now onto my food fail. Up to this point, I have made yummy, edible food. Today, was NOT that day. I have been reading about the use of chocolate as a spice in food. There are lots of health benefits to chocolate, not to mention: 'everything tastes better with chocolate!' WRONG.. Oh so wrong. I added cocoa powder to my veggie and tomato concoction. It was so bitter. Ick. I should have dumped it, but food-guilt me, cleared my plate, bite by nasty bite. I'm a little mad at myself for feeling guilt about food waste: what am I 8 years old!?! So lame of me.
I haven't given up yet on chocolate in cooking, but I think I need a recovery break. Complete Food Fail.

I haven't written much about the things I want to try. I find it funny that I have had this spin goal for years, and never mentioned it. I also have been dying for a while to try chocolate in my cooking, but didn't say a word. What do they have in common: fear of failure. So, I am going to, in future posts, start listing some of the things I would like to try, and goals I would like to aspire. Getting them out there makes them real and if I make it or break it, great. At least by putting it out there, fear of failure doesn't prevent me from putting skin in the game.

49.9: The Story of My Life!

2010-06-14T12:12:00.000-04:00

Today is a great day. Today I am officially 49.9 lbs lighter. I find today to be a big victory because it is like most things: it can't just be a round, perfect number. It can't be a full 50, a full milestone.

In this scenario, I have two choices.

The old me would say.. WHAT THE @#$%?!? 49.9 is not good enough. I have failed, even in my losses!

The new me says: WOOOOOOOT! I have a win! An, imperfect, odd, almost, kinda number. It suits me perfectly.

So, this Monday is a celebration to the almost-perfect, almost-awesome, second-guessed wins that all of you may be happening to have today. I say celebrate the heck out of them! 'Cause when the big-perfection one finally comes along, I, and hopefully you, will go BALLS OUT!

Here is to a strong week people & tell me about your almost-perfect win for the day! I know you got 'em!

On the Road Again.... Danger!

2010-06-12T12:28:00.000-04:00

In a week's time, I will be on the road again for work for a whole two weeks!! UGH!!
All of my weight disasters have circled the drain around travel, and principally work travel.
Big work dinners.
Working way later than normal.
Lack of Sleep. (12 hour time difference this time)
Missing the Gym.

All of these things are a prescription for disaster, but here is my plea.
I want to make this better this time, and I need your help.
What hotel workouts do you do? This trip, I will have a gym available to me 24 hours a day, and a pool!!
The gym is somewhat small, but has treadmills, elliptical, and free weights.

On a high note, I will get to see these flowers again. Does anyone remember where? :-)

Sports Injury Friday

2010-06-11T16:20:00.001-04:00

Well, my life of an athlete is kickin' into high gear! I am injured. Boo!

I think my new sneakers have triggered a pain pattern of tightness from my ankle, through my calf, and shooting into the back of my knee.

Sweetheart rubbed it a bit, and that provided some relief. But now that he stopped, I feel the tightness happening all over again. It is like I have tight guitar strings on the back of my left leg. If I move to much to the right or left, they might *Snap*.

I was super tired yesterday, so I didn't gym it. I don't want to miss another day. I need some fitness. Give me my fitness!! AARRGH!
I am going to give it a few hours and then we will just have to see. Maybe swimming would take the edge off it?

Students Teach Too

2010-06-10T16:14:00.001-04:00

On Wednesday, one of my mentors from work pulled me aside and told me that they resigned. I did not expect it, but suspected that something was going to change. Let me explain.

In the past several years, I have had many opportunities provided to me to improve my skills, to advance in the company, to do new things. In the last year or so, I moved to a position where I worked along with and above my mentors and spent significant time with the stakeholders within my company. From this vantage point, I got to see my mentors in a new way. In some cases, they were the leaders that I always thought they would be. In others, I found that, like the mirrors, 'images maybe closer than they appear'.

I saw when mistakes were being made. Like a devoted lamb, I warned. I gave opinions of caution, suggestions of redirection. I was ignored. At the time, I felt dismissed and unaccepted. Now, I know that I was right. However, here I am, correct, vindicated in my convictions, and I still feel like shit. Did I stutter? Did I not say the right words? Had my mentor taken my advice, they would not be resigning. I find myself mourning the mentor relationship, not because I couldn't learn more, but because my mentor couldn't learn the lessons that they taught me, from me.

So my last lesson from my mentor: Listen to the mentee. If you teach them well, they might actually have something to teach you.
How does this relate to the health journey? Not all the experts make all the best decisions. Sometimes the ones who are the students, the practitioners, have the best advice. I have learned so much from all of you, just because I know that you have practiced what you preached. You pay attention. You are honest when something goes bust. You can take it when 'anonymous' comments with livid harshness. You are all my mentors. I look forward to tomorrow's lesson.

Are you on a Health Vacation?

2010-06-09T19:48:00.000-04:00

I have not been able to make my mid-week check-in call with HMR for the last couple of weeks, thanks to my vacation. While I was out, I noticed that my group has drastically decreased in size. We used to be 10-12 people strong, and now there are only 5. I worry that people are taking a health vacation. Is there a season for health that I was missing? Is being on a program a seasonal activity? I've been looking online to see if there are any statistics, but the only thing I saw was a vague reference to Jenny Craig and the average membership was 16 weeks.

So, supposing it is 16 weeks, and most people start at the beginning of the year with their New Year's resolutions, then they would be on health vacation starting Mid-April. However, I am going to juxtapose that people take mini-vacations during this 16 week period. People take a week for Valentine's, then spring break in March, then another week for Easter-Passover holidays. This puts us well into May, so I guess I should not be surprised that June seems like a ghost town.

Have you noticed the same behaviors in your local support groups? I have even noticed some of the same behaviors in many of the blogs I follow. I have noticed fewer postings (myself included), and also blogs just disappearing into thin air. So, here is what I suppose people:

SCHOOL IS NOT OUT. Health doesn't get a vacation. Put down that cupcake. Go outside for a walk. I am on the hook and SO ARE YOU!

On a side note, my new sneakers are making my knees hurt :-( but I am not giving up. I am going to continue to train with them for a week or so and see if it normalizes. I guess my knees just like it when I roll my ankles, and now that I can't: OUCH!

My Sneaker Procurement Experience

2010-06-08T09:36:00.000-04:00

I am new to this whole athlete thing. I do not have all the gadgets and gear. Most importantly, I did not have the right sneakers. I have known this for a little while. I have noticed that after my runs, by knees felt tight and sore. My hips were out of whack. I knew this had to be shoe related. (It also could be because I have a big ass, but I am sticking to the shoes).

So, yesterday, I went to a sneaker specialty store. I thought the process would only take 20 minutes, so I drove over before my planned workout. Boy, was I wrong. 90 minutes later, and close to $200 bucks, I walked out with moon boots, anti-microbial socks, and new insoles for my kicks. Let's explain the process.

I walk in, and they first measure my feet. Then, they have me stand on a computer scanner and they measured my arch and my gait. Apparently I have a better arch than I thought. I always considered myself to have flat feet. Apparently, I have a 'flexible arch'. So you think I am finished, nope.

Then, they have me run on a treadmill, barefoot. They take a video of each of my feet, while I run. It shows in slow-mo, that I roll my ankles, where they should be straight. In the end, they recommend a mobility stabilizing shoe. Now, this sounded OK, except all the options in this category are weird looking. They all have extra thick bottoms, are generally flat, and kinda ugly. However, I am really hoping that my knees feel better, so I am up for the challenge. So, this is what I bought:

I am hoping I didn't get taken for a ride. However, I do like this RoadRunner Sports. I can try them for up to 60 days. If I hate them, I can return them covered in mud. I appreciate that. The bad news is I missed my workout to buy these shoes. It just took too long and I could not squeeze it all in. So today is the day that I get my test drive on my gear. Wish me luck!

The Reckoning and New Trainers

2010-06-07T11:24:00.000-04:00

Today was the Reckoning. Did Missa gain 60 lbs while on vacation? Did she plump like a blueberry?
NOOOO! She didn't! Actually, I feel really good, relaxed and healthy. I did have a minor gain .4 lbs, but I am PMS'ing, so I really think it is a wash. Most importantly, I feel great that I was able to enjoy myself and not over-indulge all by myself. I didn't bring a scrap of HMR food with me. I just used my mind to make good choices. I can't tell you what a win that is. I have been on vacations before where a 15lb gain was par for the course.

In celebration, I am going to post a picture of me and my Sweetheart. (OK girls, don't swoon.) He said it was OK to reveal his true self on this blog, and well, him in his hat (which he adores) and tie-dyed bathing trunks is as close to his true self in a photo as you can get! He would like to point out that the cap is a Trilby and not a Fedora. (this might give you further insight). Oh, and I am comfortable in a bathing suit! Win! (Where the hell did that come from?) I got it at Target (pronounced Tar-gzhay). It comes with straps and looks great with or without them.

So now for something completely different: Trainers. Also known as sneakers, athletic shoes, etc. I need a pair and now that I run, I need to have a really good pair. At the moment, my Adidas are doing me justice, but they are getting a bit thin at the treads. So, I am going to go to a store today called RoadRunner Sports. Here, they can test your arch and make a real recommendation on what I should be using. Any suggestions on brands or this footwear procurement experience is totally appreciated.

To this end, I also decided to change something else on my dailymile account. When I started, I classified myself as a Walker. Well, now, I do more fitness training and running. So, my new title: ATHLETE. With this comes a new goal: to kick ass. Seriously. I want to be fit not to be thin, but to do things that others can't. I am tired of being limited. I want to make some noise.

I hope this Monday is the start of a strong week. Cheers!

Honey, I'm Home!

2010-06-06T10:24:00.000-04:00

I went to the largest cruise ship in the world: The Oasis of the Seas. I have cruised many times before over the years. Nothing was like this boat.
1. It is massive
2. Although you are with 5500 passengers, you don't notice them because the boat is huge.
3. GREAT Gym.
4. Healthy Dining Options EVERYWHERE!
5. Lots of fun stuff (I played in a dodgeball tournament!)

So, speaking of healthy? How did I do? Well, I have decided not to weigh myself till Monday, my usual day. I did eat some heavier, more decadent food than I typically do and my portion sizes were 'full'. I also had some cocktails, but hey, it is vacation!!
However, I kept up on my fitness. I was worried that I would go to the gym the first day and then never see it again, but no!!! I got in there and got it done. In fact, it kind of made me laugh to watch all the gym-hard's stare at the fat girl running miles on the treadmill and pumping iron. I can't blame them though. People watching is the best thing ever on a cruise ship. You see people doing things you would never have thought possible.

So, here are some photos from the trip. I am doing the Biggest Loser Challenge with Katy over at Project-Look Good Naked but it just started on the 1st, while I was away from Blogger land... One of the requirements is that I needed to provide starting photos. Well, here they are! The pooches and me were taken on May 28th, the photo of me in the blue dress was on May 30th, the one of me snoozin' in the Cabana was June 1 and so was the one of me smilin' in the disco!

So, today I am back 'in the box' with my eating. I am going to get my fitness on. AND, I am going to take some time to meditate a little. I finished Geneen Roth's new book and I am going to give some of her suggestions a try.

Game on!

Leaving, on a Jet Plane!!

2010-05-26T09:36:00.000-04:00

So, in a few moments, I am leaving for a vacation on a cruise!! So, I will miss you all.... but I will be taking a bit of a break to live some life!! I promise to keep in the box. I promise to get my fitness on. I promise to kick some tail!!

Oh! I am also doing the Biggest Loser Challenge!! My starting weight will be 235.8, which is what I weighed in at on Monday, and is currently where I am still at today. I will not see Mr. Scale again till I come home on the 5th..... I will let you all take bets on what side of the needle I move while on a cruise, aka food machine that floats!!!

Cheers! Bon Voyage!

Vanessa's Dumpling House

2010-05-23T08:58:00.001-04:00

I realize whole heartedly that reviewing a restaurant on a blog dedicated to improving heath seems like a bit of a diversion, but I just have to. I am so thrilled to find a place in NYC where I could get an astronomically cheap, yet healthy meal. Besides, I want to live a healthy, normal life. Part of that life being able to go out from time to time.
Vanessa's is on Eldridge, in the border of the lower East side and the village. It has a few tables and chairs, so people share tables. The menu is very simple: Dumplings, boiled or fried. Fillings, chicken, pork, shrimp, veg. You can have them alone or in soup broth. You can also have sesame pancake sandwiches with your choice of filling. They are usually filled with finely chopped, but bountiful veg, and then a lean protein. My Sweetheart's was filled with egg. 4 dumplings is 1.50. A sandwich is 2.50. The price is just unbelievable. I had 5 boiled dumplings of various kinds. I think the pork and scallion were the best, with the shrimp being a close second only to the veggie. I could have left the chicken and chive. They were just OK. They also have buns with the fillings, but I thought they were a bit heavy on the bread.
All in all, 3 people, bill was less than 20 bucks and everyone took stuff home.

Great win for the day!
Hope you have a strong start for this week!
Where are your healthy eateries in your town?

Soreness

2010-05-22T07:59:00.001-04:00

I am without my pc this weekend, so I am blogging from my Blackberry. How cool is technology?

Anyway, I have reached a new level of soreness in my workouts. I have awoken this morning with what I can only describe as a fitness hangover. My head feels cloudy. My shoulder and right side are incredibly sore. My ass hurts. I am hobbling as my hip joints are incredibly unhappy. So, I popped a few advil, made some tea, and am contemplating putting the covers over my head and hibernating till next Spring.

So, what is my plan for a cure? Well, the hair of the dog that bit ya! I plan some angry elliptical and a bit of park walking should get my body lubricated and moving again. I also am going to drown myself in some water, as I need to replenish.

What do you recommend for the fitness hangover?

The Price of Getting Healthy

2010-05-18T20:14:00.000-04:00

Ya know... the costs of losing this weight are getting up there!

I spend $50 per month on my weekly weigh-in call on HMR
I spend $148 on my meals from HMR bi-weekly, equalling $296 per month.
Plus, I buy fruit, veggies, bottled water, and a million spices and salsas which makes my monthly grocery bill about $175 per month.
I have a gym membership at $60.00 month.
I have personal training at $455.00 per month.

So, that puts my monthly total at: $1036. Wowza~!

But let's qualify this. Article to chew on:
1. An obese person is 93% less likely to be hired for a position over a healthy person.
2. Life insurance is 2 to 4 times more expensive for someone who is obese.
3. Your net worth decreases by $1,000 for every point your BMI increases.

How about these reasons:
1. The average monthly prescriptions for a Diabetic in the US is $252, plus Annual pump costs of up to $3,000 per year out of pocket. We aren't even talking doctor/hospital visits, let alone costs of complications.
2. One Cardiac patient in the US spends $12,000 out of pocket annually.
3. The average Cancer patient in the US spends $7,489 annually out of pocket.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather spend money on living better than just trying to cope. I have the trifecta in my family genes (Diabetes, Heart Disease, Cancer) and I am going to fight fight fight my way around them, for as long and as hard as I can. So, the next time you say, well, that personal trainer is expensive, or that nutrition program is costly, think about that investment in you. You are your most valuable asset. Don't forget that. You are worth every penny. Invest what you can, while you can.

Late Night Exercise

2010-05-17T13:38:00.000-04:00

I have started to see a trend on my Sunday nights: the Late Night Fitness Routine. At about 10:30, while sitting on my duff, watching TV, or blogging, or eating a snack, or shooting the breeze, I seem to remember that weigh-in is the next day. I remember that I was not 100% on my eating. I did not drink all the H2O that I probably should have done. I begin the Panic-Whine cycle.

The Panic-Whine is a combination of the 'oh sh*t, I need to get off my a$$ and move!' and the 'but I am so tiiiirrrreeeed. Whaaaa!' They kind of come out of my mouth at once in the form of a very heavy sigh. *sigh* However, this is the last chance to get the burn before Mr. Scale makes his judgement.

Then, I putter about, thinking about what exercise clothes to wear. Then, I think about what my fitness routine should be. Should I run? Should I do a DVD? Should I do some fitness moves that Trainer Debbie has taught me? By the time I am dressed, have heart rate monitor attached, shoes tied, and IPod tunes selected, it is closer to 11:15 at night.

So, after 45 minutes of prep, I got in a 35 minute workout. I did some wood chop hell. I ran two miles. I probably could have kept going, but it was late. Work beckoned in the am. However, I liked the workout. It was a great temperature to run. I got a good stretch in before bed.

I am wondering now if this should be the trend for my Sundays or if I should insert my fitness earlier. What do you guys think?

Swinging

2010-05-15T14:00:00.001-04:00

I have been reading your blogs the past 24 hours and they have put me in a strange place. You have forced me to think. First, it was Bobbie. She asked:

“Can you remember a time perhaps when you were very young, when life as it was – just the fact that it was early morning or any old day in summer – was enough? When you were enough not because of what you looked like or what you did, but just because everything was the way it was. What if you could live that way now, and what if your relationship to food was that doorway?”

Then she posted a picture of her as a young girl, so happy and vibrant and free.

I didn't have that. My home was filled with bitterness and anger. My safe haven was my grandfather. The love between us was magical. I even named him his own special name, Peeps. He took me away from my tormented house and gave me freedom to be a kid. They were brief encounters, maybe just a few hours per day, but I still remember the excitement of going to his home and the anxiety of leaving. While there, we would talk, play cards (I am an indestructible poker player now), read the grocery circulars (It wasn't until I was much older that it occurred to me that my Peeps was illiterate). We would garden for hours. I have never before or since been so pleased to dig in the dirt, feeling like I was on my way to China. I never was so proud to be able to pick the fruits of our hard work: tomatoes, zucchini, squash, beets, carrots, you name it, we had it.

But my favorite thing of all, the moment that made me so happy, so vibrant and so free was swinging. Just me and him on a wooden swing, looking into the sky. We would watch the planes fly over and count the seconds between it and the next. We would cuddle and nap and just say nothing and everything in those times. It was such a simple thing to do, with such little effort, and it means everything to me. Even now.

It wasn't until Bobbie's post that I realized that when I lost Peeps, I started to loose me. I began to gain weight. I stopped being a good student. I stopped really investing the same confidence in myself. I always thought, till now, that my weight and confidence issues started later. But, now I am not so sure. When Peeps died, he was the biggest person I had ever known. He must have been 350 pounds, and 6'3". He ate horrendously, as many German-Bavarian immigrants ate: lots of smoked meats, bacon, butter. I have never seen anyone take down a cake like that guy. I wonder now if he was unhappy like I am unhappy about my size. I weep for not knowing and not asking. He was 68. I was 14. Too young and too soon for him and me.

The second post that got me thinking was Buzzy & Breezesly's Mama. But, it wasn't just the post, but a response by Chris. She said: "It (food) was your friend because it was convenient. I am just glad that for me, it was..or it could have been drugs or some other thing. Eating makes you feel less scared and lonely. I hope you get your finger on it. I know figuring it out was key for me."

Drugs or some other thing. I wonder sometimes if drugs would have been an easier vice. With drugs, they are horrid life changers. They alter everything you know about yourself and the people around you. But, you can stop. You can't stop eating. You always have to feed the addiction, feed the vice. It is a constant torment and struggle. How do you stop feeling comforted by food when food is well, comforting. When you don't eat, you get hunger pains. You eat, they go away... satisfaction. It is such a twisted thing.

I eat because I mourn the loss of who I should have been. I eat because I miss my Peeps, and all the comfort and confidence and flight he gave me. I am trying to be that person for me now. It is a struggle.

Thanks for all of you who make me think. Much love and I hope you all have someone to swing with today, even if it is just yourself.

Blog-cation

2010-05-14T18:23:00.000-04:00

I took a well-deserved blog-cation this week. My Sweetheart had requested that I spent more quality time with him than my pc. Since he is such a delight, I just couldn't say no. So here I am!!

So, what have I been up to? Funny you should ask:

Well, last weekend, I went to the zoo. The Philadelphia Zoo. This place always makes me happy. Everyone is so nice, the park is clean, and it is a great place to walk. I also love Philly. In fact, we went because they opened a new hotel, Le Meridien. It was fabulous. If you ever get to stay at one of these puppies, run and do not walk.

So back to the weight... well, I recovered my weight gain of last week, and pulled off a little loss from where I was before the gain... I will take it. I took a bit of an intensity-cation this week. I ate well, but I didn't do the crazy fitness routine that my trainer would have preferred. I mostly walked and was chill. I needed to listen to my body a bit, and it said CHILL. Chilling included dinner with friends, eating sensible food, and having a few glasses of wine. All yay.

BTW, have you guys been following Mr. Jack Sh*t lately? I was ripped from the headlines the other day in my Awesome Sauce t-shirt. You can check it out here. If you want the t-shirt, you can get that here. I have decided that while working out, I am not going to wear lame, matchy work-out gear. I am going to wear all the t-shirts that I think are fun or funny that I can't wear to work or to the Chateau Marmont. Why not, dang it? Why not??!!

It is supposed to be glorious outside this weekend on the East Coast. We bought a book on hikes and we are going. Happy trails and I'll be blog-stalking you and catching up this weekend. Rock out with your jock out!! Baam.

My Coach Pisses Me Off

2010-05-07T07:51:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, you couldn't get me to do anything without some sort of sigh, or comment, or some sort of ... of negative energy. I was whinging about everything imaginable.

Co-workers annoyed me: I think I spent 4 hours yesterday spinning my wheels on a project. I could not get any of my co-workers to get on the same page with me. In the end, I had to do many pieces of the project myself, and others, I needed to push out their completion dates. I hate that.

Walking at lunch in the beautiful sunlight annoyed me: I decided to go for a walk at lunch because needed a break. The weather was nice, but the wind kept blowing my hair in my face, I have a nagging blister on my big toe, and a co-worker who came with me spent the whole walk talking about depressing topics. Total bummer.

Doing the dishes annoyed me: I had a whole sink full. I know it was my turn, but I work all day and I just don't wanna. Phewy.

My Coach annoyed me: So, as a result of my utter charm, Sweetheart just said to me, 'that's it. Get your gear on. Get out. Go for a walk, go for a run, go to the gym. Do what you have to do, but get out. Move.'
He really pissed me off. I really wanted to tell him to go @#$#@$. However, I was feeling pretty crappy, so what the heck, right?

So, I grudgingly put my gear on at 10:30 last night and decided to run my block a few times. Well, 1 time turned to 2. 2 turned to 4. In the end I ran 16x's for a total of over 4 miles. I felt fan-flipping tastic! I ran 10 minute miles. I didn't feel tired. It was perfect turn around to a pissy day.

I love my Coach. Who is your coach and how do they piss you off?

Yummy Eats & Cruise Prep Begins

2010-05-04T21:24:00.000-04:00

You know, I never talk about the yummy food I eat and the fun stuff I do to food to make it taste better.

1. I use spices. Spice does not necessarily mean heat. Spice means flavor. I am a huge fan of using different spices to change up the taste of your food. My faves: coriander, dried mustard, paprika, ginger, basil, cilantro. Sometimes, I use them all, sometimes just one. When you can, fresh herbs work too. Rosemary, thyme and parsley rock fresh. In fact, you can even buy them fresh-frozen now. I get them sometimes in what looks like mini-ice-cube trays.

2. I like nuts. I really like almond and peanut butter. However, it is really high in fat, so a little has to go a long way. So, to help this along. I use peanut dust. Ever try this? check this website out: http://www.bellplantation.com/ PB2 rocks. You can even get it with chocolate!

3. I use salsas. I have 4 different types in my fridge right now. a. Peach Mango Salsa b. Chipotle Salsa c. Green Tomatilla Salsa d. Habanero Chili Lime Salsa. They can completely change the flavor of a dish. They can add heat. They can increase acidity. I like it on hot and cold dishes. I almost always use salsa in place of salad dressing.

I am not afraid to change the flavor of anything, even if it is an old faithful dish. You never know what will happen. For example: today for dinner, I added fava beans, chipotle salsa, onions, coriander, mustard powder and CAPERS. I love capers. I put them in almost everything I eat.

The key is these things are low calorie, good for you, and make a huge difference.

So now for something completely different. I am going on a cruise at the end of the month. This means I need to go shopping. I did some yesterday, and I bought a purdy dress. Here is the model wearing it. I just might show you guys me in it, but I need to well, buy some undergarments.. :-)

Dress by Adrianna Papell. Love their stuff. LOVE. and BTW, they have sizes 2 through 28W! They sell this in department stores on the East Coast, but you can also order online. Very true to size. I am sharing this with the ladies because it absolutely sucks to buy plus size clothing.

Month Recap

2010-05-03T07:12:00.000-04:00

April was an interesting month. I started the Fat-Rat Challenge. I committed no 0 Physical Activity Days. I hired a personal trainer. I started C25K. Big wins all around.

I also lost a total of 7.8 lbs (3/29-5/3). This is a bit less than I had anticipated for the month, but if I am really honest, I have had at least 1-2 'out of the box' eating days every week. I have not written everything down. I also have not been keeping up with my water intake. So, the line is drawn. Today, we start clean and get in gear. H2O + 3 Shakes + 2 Entrees + 5 Servings of Fruits and Vegetables, and that's all folks.

Here is the super big win: I lost 9.6 inches around my body this month. How cool. The biggest change was in my waistline, which I will totally take. I am so tired of not having a waist. My clothes definitely appreciate these inches lost. I appreciate the inches lost!!

So May, what will you bring me? Fitness goals? Pounds lost? Snacky cakes?
At the end of the month, I am going on a cruise, which will be an exciting treat. Bathing suit purchasing is eminent.

Here is to a strong week! Rock out with your jock out... erm.. or something like that.

5k Success, Womentum, NYC ROCKS

2010-05-02T08:34:00.000-04:00

I did it. I did a 5k. Here is how we started.

7am registration. Me and my mom got our t-shirts and goodie bags and took a photo.

The crowd was huge. Over 30,000 people came to do this walk, closer to 40,000. I had heard on the news that this event was larger than the NY Marathon. It was so exciting and inspiring to meet the different teams and people on the walk. People walking to support Survivors, Survivors walking. People who were obviously sick and still walking-running. It makes your shin splints feel like such a weenie excuse to slow down.

For the event, their slogan was "Womentum". I liked it. I think I am going to keep using it.

So, like all cool events, they have celebrities. Do you know who these guys are? :-)

So now the race begins, and this awesome ticker tape parade begins in Times Square. This was rad! NYC Rocks.

So then, it was time to move. Because there were so many walkers, it was close to impossible to get any kind of speed while jogging. A wall of walkers means you walk at the group's pace. So, we finished in under 50 minutes. Not a bad day for Bib 20672!

As a treat to ourselves, we decided to go to an exhibit after the race.

So, with the 5k, walking to and from the train station and walking in and around the city, I walked over 8 miles yesterday. Today, the dogs are hurtin'. Well Happy Sunday! Hope tomorrow kicks off a strong week!

On the Wagon

2010-04-30T06:46:00.001-04:00

I kicked my own tush at the gym last night, despite it being 'family night' at the gym. Apparently family night means hip-hop DJ's blaring tunes with the occasional 'awwww yeah, this is mah jaam!' inserted wherever necessary. It also means dudes flexing their muscles for chicks, and chicks roaming the gym, dressed with their hair done, makeup, jewelry... well, you get the picture.

My Sweetheart and I went together, which I always love. He is so funny. He was rockin' out 'his' hip-hop moves on the gym floor. I almost fell off the Elliptical. He has no fear or feelings of embarrassment. He will do anything. I admire that bravery, especially since it usually involves me laughing. We went long this time: 1 hour 25 minutes straight of Angry Elliptical and Cross-Training. I am always sweaty at the end, but Sweetheart is drenched like someone poured water over him. Kinda gross, but I am kinda jealous. To me, sweat is the battle scar of gym wars.

So, one more day till my first 5k. Pretty darn excited. My mother has decided to come, which means I will be doing more walking than running, I suspect, but that is OK. We are also going to see King Tut's exhibit afterwards, so it should be a good day. Have a great Friday!!

Fat-Rat Mid Week (Anxiety Getting the Better)

2010-04-29T07:59:00.000-04:00

Hi Rats.

I have been a bit off since last Friday. I am just a ball of anxious energy, and all I want to do is run and hide from the gym. I have not kept up this week with my no 0 physical activity challenge. I did 5 minutes of nothing on Monday, and then, instead of going to the gym last night, I stayed home and watched 'Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants'. How old am I, 12? Next thing I know, I am going to be signing up for Miley Cyrus concerts.

As well, I just feel bloated for no good reason other than I am stressing and anxious. I actually feel like a round medicine ball of stress, and no physical activity or stretching or food is making it go away. I am a girl down without any crutch or mechanism to get herself back up. I have been struggling like this now for days and it is starting to really get me down.

In terms of food, I was horrid on Monday. I had a work dinner and they all wanted to go for Rodizio. Ever do this? It is Brazilian-style, meat fest. Basically, it is an all you can eat meat buffet, except they bring the meat straight to your table. You even have cards on your table that are red and green. When the green card is up, the servers bring meat fresh from the grill straight to your plate. They only stop when you submit defeat and flip the card to red. So of course, I ate enough meat to make any carnivore proud. I didn't binge, but I did want to try all the different options. So, after 15 options, I definitely had too much and it has taken me days feel less gross. I have been eating much less meat and much more veg these days, so this was just a total tail spin for my health.

The scale did move this week. I lost .9 lbs, but it seems like a bittersweet win. I do not feel defined by the scale, but I am not optimistic about going through a period of being stuck. I just want some wins I can count and some consistent evidence that all this 'getting healthier' is paying off. My mini goal for today is to get moving again and also do some extra PA to make up for my two days of weenie-hood. For now, I will just pray that you are all having big wins and that my week will turn its head around.

Balance Fitness and Food?

2010-04-25T22:01:00.000-04:00

I have questions for all of you. I am stumped.

Now that I have a trainer, I am exercising more than ever. I have done almost 2x's the amount of physical activity calories in the last couple of weeks than I did before. I have not changed my eating plan at all, still the 1200-1600 calories per day. So, one would think that I would be peeling off 2x's the amount of weight. Not really happening that way.

What does that mean? Isn't this thing supposed to be about math? Am I breaking my own a$$ for no reason? Maybe I should slow down my sweaty torment, especially if it isn't going to make much of a difference? Now, don't get me wrong, I want to do my C25K. I want to reach that goal, but I do want to see a difference in the numbers. I will weigh in and do some measurements on Monday. I hope I see some evidence. This all being said, I should say that my clothes are definitely feeling better and I do feel fitter. But how do you find the sweet spot? Where is that balance coming from?

I'm Expecting!

2010-04-23T10:20:00.000-04:00

Got you for a second. (No puppies for me right now.) I am expecting to RUN my 1st 5K!

Hey go big or go home right? Well, I am scared and stoked. It is next Saturday. I will be on the tail end of week 4 of C25K, and it is a run/walk, so I totally am going for it. Prayers, and if you want, sponsorship donations are appreciated!! Just donate under my BIB 20672. You can also look on my sidebar for more details on the Revlon Run/Walk.

Cancer has definitely impacted my family. Both of my mother's parents died of cancer, my Sweetheart's grandfather lost his battle with cancer, my mother and I both have had pre-cancerous moles removed. So, I am invested to the cause, even if after 15 minutes I fall into a lump of mush.

If any of you are already doing this, then ROCK! Let me know and I would love to see ya/meet ya/move with ya!

For the Running Pro's out there, any advice?

Fat-Rat Mid Week (Whipped and Purdy)

2010-04-22T00:48:00.000-04:00

Hello My Fellow Rats!

This week has been pretty good. I am keeping in my fitness routine rather nicely. Still keeping with my Physical Activity Calorie targets, still moving everyday. I am whipped from today's cardio. Can't you tell?

Today, I ran my best time to date: under 15 minute mileage. I am on week 3 of C25K. I know this is probably slow for most, but for me, this is saying something. I never thought my fat a$$ would ever run. Well, unless something was chasing me. It is satisfying to know that if someone chased me, perhaps someday soon I will not be caught... and if I am really snarky, they will choke on my dust!! My nemesis right now is the potty. I had to pee so badly at the 50 minute mark that I just had to stop. It is really hard to do the pee-pee dance when you are running.

Lost some poundage this week too: down 3.1 lbs. Not too shabby. I will take it for sure. This brings me to a little over 40lbs lost. So cool. I am really looking forward to loosing the next 10 pounds. When I do this, it means I will be a weight I have not been in at least 7 years. 7 years with an extra 50 lbs on my bones. What the hell was I thinkin'?!? I'll tell ya. I was thinkin' Krispy Kreme baby.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Krispy Kreme donuts are ridiculously good. Hot, glazed are my favs. I could easily inhale them in seconds. However, I think they are pure trans-fats and are linked to cancer, heart disease and funny sores in monkeys, rats and flies. :-)

So, now for the Purdy. Remember the dress from last week I told you guys about? Well, here is me in it. I think I am fillin' out just fine. If this was a year ago, you would never hear me tootin' my own horn. So, if I sound vain, just think of it as a catch up for lost time!! I have a waist dang it!!

Hope you guys have a strong ending to this week! I am cheering you on!!

Sleep Monster or Sleeping Beauty

2010-04-20T06:36:00.000-04:00

This weekend was kind of a wash. I pretty much lazed around the house, read a book, and went to the gym. Saturday, I did a kick-butt C25K session and felt pretty good. Sunday, I tried the yoga thing. I liked it because it gave my tight hips a real stretch. I also enjoyed the total relaxation. The class was for little over an hour, seemed peaceful and is definitely something I might do again. It is something that I would classify as active-rest, but definitely not a workout. There was one drawback though.

I got home at noon and then struggled to keep my eyes open all day. I was so incredibly relaxed/sleepy. At 5:30, I told my Sweetheart that I was going to lay down for a nap. Well, I woke up Monday morning. I slept almost 14 hours!!! I have to say that Monday was kind of refreshing. I wasn't sleepy at all and felt pretty crisp at work. This could become addicting. I could be taken over by a Sleep Monster.
However, I can't sleep like that all the time. Who the heck has time to sleep that much? If you do, I want your job.

Today is training with Debbie again. I need to get my She-Ra attitude together to face it.
Have a great week!

To Yoga or Not to Yoga, That is the Question

2010-04-17T09:35:00.000-04:00

Happy Saturday Everyone!

I had yet another kick-butt session with Trainer Debbie. She totally kicked my brain in. I find that she is a bit of a fib job though. She tells me at least 10 times that the set I am working on is going to be the last set. I finish, then she has me doing something else. I told her that I am starting to see the asterisks after her words, and the 10 pages of disclaimers that are sure to follow. However, I did do all she wanted me to do. She pushed me. I got there.

I also took something called a VO2 Max (Maximum Oxygen Consumption) test. This is a test that measures that amount of oxygen my body can use while I am at my maximum effort. Basically, you march on the treadmill till you can't take it and have to stop. The machine measures your oxygen, heartrate and breath. I did not love the machine, as it was a big face mask. I kind of felt like I couldn't breathe normally. I think maybe I was just feeling a bit closterphobic. Anyway, I scored in the low-fair category of fitness. I am not surprised. I have a long way to go. What I like about the test is it can tell me more accurately how many calories I burn on average when I hit certain heartrates. That is super cool. Has anyone ever taken this test?

This morning, I woke up early. I got caught up on a lot of your blogs and just enjoyed the crispness of the morning. The temperature has dropped about 10 degrees today and I think it is going to rain a bit.

Sidenote: I am in love with frozen berry mixes in my oatmeal this morning. I just nuke those puppies and they get all warm and super yummy. I just lay a cup of them in my oatmeal and it is just so good. Can you tell I am eating breakfast?

So, here is the question: should I add some yoga into my fitness? Does yoga count as a good workout, or is it just recovery? There is a class this morning at a local studio, and I am toying with going. Is it like a day off? I have done yoga before and it definitely can get your heart moving, but it isn't the same as a huffing and puffing at the gym. What do you think? How do you rate yoga in your fitness routine?

*image*abcnews.go.com*

Fat-Rat Mid Week (Training is Awesome)

2010-04-15T13:20:00.000-04:00

So, maybe I am just basking in the glow of a shiny new toy, but my personal training is so cool. I feel like I am doing things that I have never done before, and I certainly have never EVER worked this hard in all of my life. I kind of knew that I needed some help to get to the next level, but this is way beyond what I had anticipated. I am starting to think that I had no clue how to exercise before. I think I have spent the last 10 years of my life being a weenie. (Sweat! Why dost thou forsake me!?!)
I am never going back to the meek and mild exerciser. I actually like the feeling that I am drenched through my clothes now. I love to watch my heart rate monitor beep when I hit all those high notes!!

To add to my current high, I am wearing a dress to work today that hasn’t fit in well over a year. In fact, I think it is now too big. I am still wearing it anyway, cause nanny nanny foo foo! The only drawback is I think the girls might fall out a bit, thanks to the extra ‘leg room’. I think people at work are starting to notice that I am not just the fat chick anymore. It is a weird adjustment to see people look at me this way. I think I have forgotten what is liked to be looked at, instead of looked through.

I have kept up with my Physical Activity Calories (PA). I am up to 1560 for this week thus far, well on my way to the 2200 weekly goal. If you want to know about how I calculate this, go to this site. http://www.hmrprogram.com/index.cfm/DietTools/Walk-O-Meter Click on ‘Calories for Any Activity,’ and it will give you a breakdown based on effort and current weight.

Besides my training victories, I also lost 1.8 lbs this week. I am totally stoked about this, because I felt so incredibly bloated on weigh-day. So, I anticipate Mr. Scale to be even kinder next weigh-in, provided I keep up the momentum for the back half of this week.

Eating has been pretty good. I have been keeping ‘in the box’ of my eating plan.
I had some yummy Indian food today for lunch. I love Sag and Dal and Chilli Mushrooms. Great veggie options that keep the calories down and the flavor up. Love it.

So, if you haven’t checked it out yet, Georgie Fear’s guest post this week is just awesome. Most importantly, if you go to her blog, http://www.askgeorgie.com/, she will really answer questions. I think it is rad that we all could have a Registered Dietitian as a reference.

Well, I hope everyone has a strong back-end of the week.. (Heh-heh, I said back-end.)

*image zazzle.com*

Guest Post: What to Look for in a Fitness Pro (Trainer or Dietitian)

2010-04-13T00:00:00.002-04:00

As promised for the Fat-Rat Challenge, I have asked some pro's for some advice that we can all use. Say hello to Georgie!

Georgie Fear is a Registered Dietitian and personal trainer. She works as the nutritionist for Rutgers Athletics, which puts her in charge of 21 Division 1 NCAA athletes. It's her job to help them eat right, stay lean and strong, and perform at their best. Her areas of speciality are counseling for body fat loss (not just weight loss), healthy and delicious cooking, and practical strategies for eating right while keeping one's sanity! Being a student-athlete has it's own hurdles, being a busy working mom has it's own difficulties as well. She's not a fan of crash diets, excessive supplement use, or "diet food". She teaches strategies that work in real life, and that her clients enjoy and can continue forever.

Thanks again to Georgie for doing this guest post!! Georgie will be in NJ until she relocates to Colorado in the Fall of 2010.

Feel free to contact her with any nutrition or diet questions through her website http://www.askgeorgie.com/.

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When you consider hiring a fitness or health professional, there are important factors to consider. After all, beyond the money (and effort) you’ll be investing, this person has your health and safety in their hands! Here are some things you should look for in a dietitian or personal trainer, to make sure you get the best experience possible.

1. Personality. Simply, you should like the person you are working with! If someone’s personality, language, or sense of humor rubs you the wrong way, it probably isn’t a good match. They may be a reputable, knowledgeable professional, but opposing personalities can decrease how much you look forward to your sessions. After your initial or first few sessions, you should be excited to work with this person and find their company enjoyable. You don’t want to work with an incompetent trainer just because they’re nice… but simple being likeable goes a long way to creating a productive and enjoyable working relationship.

2. Professionalism. Health and fitness professionals should always treat you with respect and consideration. Expect a fair, established policy on attendance and billing issues – and don’t be afraid to ask what their policies are. You may recognize a lack of professionalism in a professional who makes small talk for a large portion of your session, talks on the phone during your time, or is habitually late for sessions. They also should not let their personal lives or emotional state influence the productivity of a session. Talking a bit about one’s life is normal and friendly, but spilling dramatic stories or being overly emotional is not the mark of a professional. You should also talk with your fitness professional early on about what your goals are – and reassess them periodically. A high quality professional will also be able to guide you toward more appropriate goals if your initial objectives are unrealistic. They should be able to tell you exactly what they expect from you, and what you can expect if you choose to purchase their service.

3. Expertise. While diplomas on the wall are a good indicator of past education, you also want to know that the professional you work with continues to keep abreast of the latest research and continues to educate themselves. Ask other professionals for recommendations – dietitians know good doctors, trainers know good physical therapists, etc. You should also ask questions. If your trainer or nutritionist cannot answer most of your basic questions, they may not have much expertise. You will be best able to gauge a professional’s expertise by asking hard questions, and asking for more explanation if the answers seem hazy.

4. Communication. Even the most expert fitness professional isn’t worth to their clients if they can’t communicate their knowledge. A trainer should be able to clearly explain and show good technique for each exercise, in just a few sentences. They should not need an hour explaining one move. (If so, the move is probably too advanced and not a good choice for you.) A dietitian should be able to explain why they recommend certain dietary strategies, and what effect nutrients have on your body and health. They should be able to answer all your questions clearly, and eliminate any confusion before you leave the office.

5. Assessment. Right from the get go, a fitness professional should begin with assessing your current fitness, diet, and/or health.

· Health/Physical parameters may include a medical history, medication usage, blood pressure, and cholesterol tests, circumference measurements, body fat% testing, and weight

· Fitness assessments may include tests of strength, endurance, flexibility, range of motion, and biomechanics

· Dietary assessments may include food recalls, questions regarding supplement usage, allergies/intolerances, and analysis of nutrient intake

Assessments should also occur at regular intervals throughout your relationship with a professional. This is essential for monitoring progress and judging the success of the current program.

6. Your own safety. Some soreness is normal, especially during the early stages of a fitness routine. But be wary if you are routinely left feeling injured after personal training sessions, or if your workouts are exacerbating a condition you already had, such as worsening sciatica or foot pain. Discuss this type of problem with your trainer immediately; your trainer should be able to modify your program accordingly. Likewise, nutrition programming should also lead to you feeling well, energetic and improving your health – if you are left feeling unwell or your health seems to be deteriorating due to dietary recommendations you received from a nutrition counselor, it’s likely time to seek help elsewhere. In sum, you should never feel as if your health or safety are at risk.

If you have a weight loss, health or fitness goal, working with a personal trainer or registered dietitian can provide accountability, professional guidance, and individual attention that will enhance your chances of success. But be sure to make educated decisions when selecting a professional to work with. Individuals within a profession bring unique personalities, experience, methodologies and specialties to their clients. Don’t be afraid to “shop around” until you find the right person to provide the service you need.

I’d like to wish every one out there lots of success in meeting their fitness and health goals!

Go forth, well-fueled, and pursue your passion!

Georgie Fear RD
Registered Dietitian
Sports Nutritionist, Rutgers University Athletics
http://www.askgeorgie.com/

New Trainer Debbie & My A$$ Hurts

2010-04-11T21:18:00.002-04:00

Hello! I hope you all got great weather like we did in the Northeast! It was fan-flipping-tastic outside for the second weekend in a row. I am thrilled. I took walks in parks and at the beach. It was lovely. The other reason I took walks is that I need to keep my hip to quad attachments warm, because OM-friggin'-G are they sore!!

I had my first training session with the woman who may not know it yet, but is in for it with me for the next 12 weeks. Her name is Debbie. Debbie and Ethel met and they seem to be at odds with one another. I like that. Ethel is kind of uppity at times and she needs to know her place. Debbie seems to be funny, but also is really passionate about what she does. I like that. I am thinking positive things after meeting and working with her. She made me sweat hard-core, but I felt like I accomplished something. I went home on Friday feeling like I could take on the world.

*Note* The next paragraph involves a true story, but it take place in the bathroom. If potties are too graphic for you, skip the next paragraph*

That is, until I woke up on Saturday. Saturday, I rolled out of bed and felt pretty sore. I made my way to the restroom, dropped my pants, and then realized that I could NOT lower myself onto the toilet. My legs were shaking. It hurt. So, I gripped the sink, and slowly lowered myself down. I was sweating, however mission accomplished!... Or so I thought.
So, here I am, on the can and I can't get up (insert LifeAlert joke here). I sat there for a good 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get off. Could I slide forward? Could I just roll myself into a ball and fall to the floor? Nope. In the end, I needed to call in backup. I had to ask my Sweetheart to get me off the commode. The poor guy. He is such a Gentleman. He was taught that ladies don't fart, let alone use the bathroom, so this was hard to ask. However, he came thru. He got pulled me off the seat and got me moving again. Later, after we finished laughing, he did in fact rub my ailing backside and hips like a champ. I love that guy.

*you can keep reading now*

So, I had a healthy walk on Saturday to keep my body moving all that nasty lactic acid out, and continued with that prescription today as well. Thank goodness for good weather! My next training session is on Tuesday, so I should be recovered by then for the next round of abuse. Like many things in my life, if it doesn't hurt, then it isn't working....
I hope you all had a great weekend, and may tomorrow start another strong week!

Fat-Rat Mid-Week Check-In

2010-04-08T06:40:00.000-04:00

Hello Fat-Ratters! Welcome to the Pack!

For this week, I have in fact been keeping up with my Physical Activity challenge. I did envoke the 5 minute rule on Tuesday, and got up to about 10 minutes before deciding stopping was ok. However, so far for the week, I have rocked out 1540 PA Cals!!

Eating this week has been good, but I did have a little set back in the form of the Bagel-monster. We had a baby shower breakfast at work on Tuesday. They brought in bagels and lox and bear claws and cakes; all from this awesome Portuguese bakery. I went a little nuts. I had one bear claw, two bagels with lox and a small piece of cake. SO BAD. However, after that binge, I didn't eat lunch and had a pretty modest dinner. Now that I think of it, I bet this is why my fitness was so poor this day too. Bread is the enemy man.

Upcoming Challenges: I have a work dinner tonight that undoubtedly will involve some heavy dinner choices and drinking. It will also severely limit my chances of getting in a strong workout.
To counter this, I think I am just going to do a bit of walking at lunch today. I have some walking pals at work, and they are just going to have to come with me and have a laugh.

Had an RMR test yesterday. Anyone ever do this? RMR is Resting Metabolic Rate. Basically, it tests how many calories your body will burn in a day if you did nothing. For me, that is 1800 Calories. For my height, weight and age, this is about where I should be. It is comforting to know that I do not have a slow metabolism. That is just one more invisible enemy less that I have to fight!

I hope you are all having a rockin' week. Please let me know how you are all doing this week with your progress!

Being Your Own Leader

2010-04-06T22:45:00.000-04:00

I had a great first consultation with the personal trainer. I got to watch him train someone else, and also watch a group training class. I was totally impressed. He and his team actually paid attention to people's needs. He paid attention to my needs. He asked real questions and embraced my idea of setting a SMART goal. I dug him. So, I will be training 1x per week for the next 12 weeks. My first session is on Friday. Score! Team Missa is growing.

Most of us are smart, resourceful people who know how to use the tools provided (books, literature, health professionals, personal trainers, etc.). However, these are tools, not the mechanism that gets us to excel. Our success comes from within us. We are our own leaders of our own team. You can do this, and not just 'cause I believe in you.

If you Google 'leadership,' you get 148,000,000 hits. But, what if the stuff that is out there doesn't really make the mark?

So, let's get rid of some myths and BS.

1. "Leaders are born, not made." Totally untrue. Most people, if called to Leadership, will come through. I can't tell you how many blogs I have read where you guys tell me about your leadership skills: strong mothers who care for their sick children, strong friends who help them through moves and deaths of loved ones. You all have been a Leader for something or someone. Channel that energy to yourselves.

Stay clear on your own principles and act with the courage of your convictions
Balance and resolve conflicting priorities, don't ignore them
Confront reality, not more wishful thinking
Take the time to pay attention to people and you, not only tasks

2. "Leadership can be learned & read in a book." Not really. There are thousands of books on the subject. Just ask your local bookseller. They will tell you that self-help and leadership are the best-selling sections of the entire store. You can't tell me that all these books are made with the best intentions. I would say many, if not most are gimmicks with the intent of making $$$. Instead:

Support yourself to take intelligent risks
Ask yourself the tough questions. Ask yourself why, so you can understand
Do not shelter yourself like you would a child. Be responsible and deal with the hard truths.

3. "Managing is the same as Leading." Nope. Management is organizing a situation and executing. Leading requires you to synergize strategy and execution. It usually involves drawing a picture of how you can get to the end of the finish line and convincing yourself and others that it is truly possible. I think this is why I hate most managers. They just point and shoot. Leaders think, plan and gain understanding, all before they really execute.

So, now this is 148,000,001 for leadership. Again, I believe in you. Really.

Week 12 Weight Loss, Progress Pics, & Fat-Rat Begins!

2010-04-05T07:38:00.000-04:00

Progress Time! First, let's see some before. I went to Australia in October of 2009. (282 +/- a few lbs) Spring was just setting in. As such, I was able to have dinner right outside of the Sydney Opera House. It was lovely. For a Yankee like myself, going to Australia was like going to another planet. It is so far away, yet filled with so much of the same creature comforts of home. Food is fantastic. They have the best beef, lamb and seafood I have ever tasted. I really loved it there. If things ever go 'tits up' in the good ol' USA, Australia is definitely where I will be hanging my hat. (If they'd have me!)

So now, here is me from yesterday (246.8 lbs (-35.7lbs lighter) & -28.6 Inches (That's 2.4 Feet)).

Two very important things to point out:

1. I am no longer afraid to wear white.

2. I am wearing Charcoal-Sequined Converse All-Stars, and yes, they ROCK.

Today is the first day of the Fat-Rat 12 Week Challenge! So excited to get started. (Don't forget to send me a mail at losingethel@gmail.com if you want to join the fun.) I have made an appointment to meet with a personal trainer this evening. Totally stoked to see what happens. This trainer is from outside of my gym. He has his own business, seems BS-free, and has serious credentials (B.S. Sports Physiology, Kettlebell Certs galore, and is a Certified Massage Therapist.) If all goes as I expect, then I will be meeting with him and his team once per week.

Have a great Monday!

An Easter Message For Us All

2010-04-04T09:05:00.004-04:00

Regardless of your faith, I hope this message shows that not just the composition of the words we post here, but also order and intent can mean so much. Happy Easter, whatever that means to you.

I Am NOT Just Background Noise

2010-04-03T13:51:00.000-04:00

In reading Jules post (BigGirlBombshell), and then linking back Carla's post (MizFit), it seemed fitting to set some truths in place. I need to be honest to myself and honest to the people around me. I have to do this, even if it means others are affected or lost along the way. The gloves are off. I am not just background noise. I am sharing this truth with all of you.

This week, my heart was challenged.

Someone close to me accused my Sweetheart of a physical attack. Sounds horrifying. It was at a party a few weeks ago. He apparently hugged a little too close and a little too long for this person's comfort level. I am totally ok with communicating that a personal boundary was crossed. However, I am not ok with the idea of someone waiting several weeks to say anything. In fact, it makes me question whether there was any issue at all. This was a public embrace, and no one who witnessed thought it was a bad thing or even something to be noticed. Just her.

We have all been friends for years, and she should have known better. She should have had better instincts. Instead, she accused someone dear to me of doing something completely unlike his character. Instead, she replayed a simple, friendly embrace over several weeks in her head; making it something that it wasn't. She made herself a victim in a victimless situation. She decided to recruit sympathy within our circle of friends.

My Sweetheart is mortifyed. He tried everything in his power to appologize at even the hint of malpractice. He has no idea how a friendly hug could be contrued as an attack. I, however, am just furious. He deserves better. I could not keep silent.

So, I confronted her. I told her how I felt. I told her I felt strongly that she had a problem. Being her friend, I know she has intimacy issues in her past: something she has shared with both me and my Sweetheart. I am nothing but sympathetic to that issue, but not when it is used to tarnish the reputation of a trusted friend.
I told her that I had 0 confidence in my ability to continue our friendship. I do not need all of my friends to be best of pals with my Sweetheart. However, he is a good man. Anyone who cannot see that or would try to convince others that he wasn't a good man, has no place in my life. I stood my ground. I find that I do not mourn the loss of the friendship. I do, however feel sadness that I thought she was a friend for so long and I was mistaken. I feel sad that she may ruin her ability to have any real friendships.

In that moment, I never realized how tough I am, and how much I need a certain calilber of friends in my life. I don't know if I would have been this brave if this had happened 12 weeks ago. I think I would have just stewed in silence so I wouldn't make waves. I would try to work hard to just 'fit in'. I would have just caved in from my feelings so her thoughts/behaviors/feelings took priority. I would have eaten my feelings.

Most unexpectedly, my Sweetheart thanked me for supporting him. I never realized how much that would touch me, but it did.
Support, especially in the face of something awful, is just so essential. He supports me so well on this weight-loss journey, and I am just tickled that maybe I can reciprocate.

So, that is my truth for today. I am a tough bird. I don't take sh*t. I require good people. This knowledge in hand will definitely help for these next 12 weeks ahead.

my SMART Goal- 12 Weeks Start Monday!!

2010-04-02T07:44:00.000-04:00

My Fat-Rat Challenge SMART goal is going to be around fitness. I am going to committ to a minimum of 2200 PA Calories per week, and no 0 PA days. This means that I will burn 26,400 Calories. So, if there are 3500 calories in a pound of fat, then that is 7.5 pounds of activity in 12 weeks. (Measurements are cool)

Click here to see how I calculate my PA Calories. This will take you to a chart where you enter your weight and it gives you a calorie to minute-of-activity ratio. You get more calories based on level of effort (low, medium, intense, very-intense). When I compare the number to what some of the machines tell me, it is pretty darn close. Of course, a body-bug would be the most accurate, but this works for me!

So, 12 weeks with physical activity in it. No breaks. This is a serious challenge. I know I get tired and lame. To make this happen, we are going to use the 5 minute rule. I will give some level of activity at least 5 minutes everyday. If I am dead after 5 minutes, I will stop. But, if not, then I will keep going.

On my main page, I will continue to post my weight and measurements. Since I already do this, I thought my challenge should be something different. As adults make habit out of anything they do for 6 weeks or more, maybe this will become more than a challenge! Fingers Crossed!

I have been soliciting bloggers and health professionals to do some guest posts. If you or if you know someone who would be a good candidate, just send me a mail at losingethel@gmail.com So excited to start this next step of the journey with you!!

We Be Needin' Some Rules

2010-03-31T19:34:00.000-04:00

Like all challenges, they need to have some guidelines. Some of you emailed me with some ideas and I am down with the suggestions.

So, here are three basic tenants:

1. You need to set a SMART goal for yourself. Something, that if you achieve it, it will enhance your health. The only thing that is fixed is the time: 12 weeks.

Examples could include: I would like to lose 1.5 pounds per week for 12 weeks ( 18lbs). Or: I would like to burn a minimum of 2000 PA Calories per week for 12 weeks (24,000 PA Calories) Or: I would like to run/walk a total of 10 miles per week for 12 weeks (120 miles).

Remember, whatever your goal is, it needs to be:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Time-based

2. We can measure these goals together. I will create a chart that can be shared and maintained by all of you. Each week, it will track two things: 1. Did you commit to your goal this week? (Y/N) 2. What is the value for this week. Remember, it needs to be something measurable. So, maybe it is -1 lb, or 2000 PA. But it is something that we will measure together. This way, we can route one another on. I would like you to post to the sheet on Monday.

3. We will need to post/comment to at least one member of the Rat Pack daily. This means that we know someone is reading, someone is there for support. I know most of you have quite a few following, but it is nice to know that someone is really going to look and be committed. 12 weeks of checking in on someone to make sure they check on you is kind of nice. I would also like all of you to post something to me specifically on Thursdays. This way, between your goal measurements and Thursdays, we are checking in at least twice a week and keeping one another accountable.

I will be creating a Page Link on my page where all of the challenge measurements will be displayed. We will use Google-docs to update because it allows us to maintain properly.

Throughout the 12 weeks I will dedicate at least 1-2 posts to how I am working on my SMART goal. I will also be asking some of the blog rock stars out there to do some guest posts and weigh-in on being a Rat. I have also asked some pro's (as in medical pro's) if they would also weigh-in. I will keep you posted.

So, I have been thinking about possible rewards. I feel maybe a mouse-pad with our new Rat Pal prominently displayed might be kinda cool. The more who join, the cooler we can get.

So, for those of you who who are still interested, please send me a mail at losingethel@gmail.com
The more, the merrier!

The Fat-Rat 12 Week Challenge

2010-03-29T17:02:00.000-04:00

Sesquipedalian: noun. one who uses large words

When trying to read about what the latest research in weight loss, one can become irascible, disjointed, even constipated by all the big, bloated words in these f#$%^ studies!

Dopamine D2 receptors in addiction-like reward dysfunction and compulsive eating in obese rats

So, a big one was published yesterday. Huge. It basically found that fatty food can cause the same type of addictive behaviors that we find in drug addicts. THE SAME. So, naturally, I want to know everything about this study. Here are key points I have decoded so far:

1. The brain releases a chemical, dopamine, when we do something that satisfies us. This chemical releases when we laugh, exercise, have sex, all kinds of natural things. This chemical can overload with the use of some drugs, causing people to crave that dopamine fix. Suddenly, that satisfaction feeling is not as easy to get and therefore drastic measures need to be taken in order to feel that ‘good’ feeling or just to feel ‘normal’. Thus, my friends: ADDICTION.

2. Your brain has a regulator for this chemical, called a receptor. Not only does this help us release the dopamine, but it also helps us determine that we have had enough and don’t need anything else to satisfy us. This receptor becomes dull/ less sensitive in addicts. This is why addicts need more and more and more, despite the fact they are overloaded, leading to possible overdose.

3. So, to do this study, they used rats. They fed the rats fatty food with the equivalent nutritional value of our typical fast foods. The rats got fat. They also started to eat all the time, ignoring when they were full. Later, they gave the rats options to eat the fatty diet or a healthier one. They went straight for the fatty foods.

4. Then, they took away the fatty chow and only offered the healthy food. At first, the rats did not eat, but eventually caved and started to eat the healthy chow. However, once they started, they just kept on eating. In order to keep eating, the rats put themselves in uncomfortable, cramped positions. They even subjected themselves to bright lights; something rats hate, all to eat.

5. Then, they killed the rats so they could look at their brains. (PETA< don’t start). Their brains showed the same atrophy and compulsion factors as those addicted to cocaine or heroin. BRAIN DAMAGE.

So, here is what they didn’t do: they didn’t see if they could break the rats of the habit. This is something I would like to know. Is this brain damage permanent? Once you become a compulsive-eating rat, is there no hope for you, other than removing the bad options? Maybe so. So, now, looking at us, how many of you are these rats? I know I am. I don’t have a cage to regulate myself. I need to use self-control, which apparently is not so easy for me, because like these rats, I have something in my brain that is preventing me. Now, thankfully, I am not a rat and have free-will. This means that I can make good choices, even when I don’t want to. But this study kind of confirms what I suspected: I am not like everyone else. I have a problem that is not easy to fix. I have to have discipline. I have to work harder than the masses. I need to force myself to do the right thing, to make the right choices. If not, I will be the fat rat, stuffed in the corner, with a hot-lamp burning my eyes out.

So, today starts week 12 of my journey. I am going to recommit myself to another 12 weeks after this. I will dedicate these next 12 weeks as the Fat-Rat Challenge. I will spend this week talking about what it means for me in more detail, but basically it means dedicating 12 weeks to healthy food, healthy exercise, healthy choices. I will leave the bad food, the bad energy and all the triggers to my addiction out of my rat cage.

Who is with me? I will start this 12 week challenge on April 5. Send me a post or an email at losingethel@gmail.com I will come up with some sort of reward for doing this together. Unlike Pavlov's dog's, we all need a little reward, and not just a bell rung for us.

Working in Deutschland

2010-03-25T18:51:00.000-04:00

Hi guys. Work has gotten the better of me this week, so I have been behind on my blog reading and my posting. So, let me give you a recap of the last few good days:

Monday: I finished work about 6 and then went to Mainz for dinner. it was such a cool place. The restaurant was called Heliggeist, or 'Holy Ghost'. So why do you ask would a restaurant be called this? Well, it is a converted church. Apparently the church was abandoned before WWI. It was used as a hospital during the war, and then immediately afterward, it was a dance hall for American soldiers. Now it is a rockin' restaurant. Their website is here. (yes, it is in English)
My hotel does not have a gym, so I improvised. I danced to MTV-Germany and listened to some really Euro-trashy music and rocked out for 20 mins.

Tuesday: Went into town and had some Thai food. When watching what you eat, Thai for me, is an easy choice. Lot's of broth soups, lots of flavor and great salads and fresh fruits. I drank 2 banana wheat beers, which are the most awesome things in the world. If you haven't tried it ever, it is totally worth it (Wheat beer + banana juice = big girl shake.)

Wednesday: Had a salad for lunch at work. Was kinda sleepy, but didn't think anything of it. Then I went for a walk in the local park. Within 15 minutes, I started to feel really whoosy. Next thing I know: (bluoiuouiuuoiugh) Food Poisoning. Produce is a danger sometimes man. Spent the night in the fetal position wanting my Mommy. (I wonder if that counts as a workout?)

Thursday: Well, that is today! Well, today I really slept it off. I am definitely on the mend, but I feel swollen from the food poisoning. I have been drinking some colas, which I normally don't do because of the calories, but they settle my stomach... so, such is life. I took a 20 minute walk outside, just to get some fresh air. I went to a Chinese restaurant and got some Wanton soup. It make my tummy happy.

Hopefully, tomorrow I will be back up and running and can set some real fitness in my schedule. I am planning a nice day in Rüdesheim on Saturday. It is neat little town with great shops and lots of Rieslings and Sekts to try!

I am still getting in my 3 shakes a day, and 5 fruit and veg per day as promised. Under the existing conditions, I am doing ok. When I get home to Mr. Scale, it will tell me what the deal is :-)

Week 10 Weight Loss- In-Transit

2010-03-22T19:06:00.000-04:00

Hi! This will be a quickie for two reasons:

1. I already told you I did a weigh-in on Saturday instead of Monday, but this post makes it official: I am down 5.1 lbs. (Hold the applause till you read #2.)
2. I am in Schnitzel-Fried, Pretzel-Brezlen, gravy-sauced, starchy eating Germany and am surrounded by only overly fatty choices of food. Everything has sauce/gravy on it. EVERYTHING. I have never seen so many choices of fried cutlets of meat in my life. Fried Veal, Fried Pork, Fried Chicken. Variants include Fried Veal /Pork/Chicken with Cheese, Gravy or maybe an extra piece of bacon or smoked ham. Don't get me wrong: it is all terribly yummy, but it ain't healthy. I suspect that I won't be sustaining these 5 pounds this week.

My hotel doesn't have a gym, so it is run around my room being an a$$ till I sweat before bed.

Talk soon. Hope everyone is rocking out. I am thinking of you.

Off-Kilter

2010-03-20T06:25:00.000-04:00

It is early on Saturday. 5 am. Why am I up? Well, I am going to Germany tomorrow for work. You would think I planned to get up like this so I could adjust to the time change. Nope. Instead, the taxi driver that I hired phoned me at 5 this morning because he thought I was arriving today and not Sunday. I checked my itinerary, and now I know why: because I CAN'T READ. I told this guy I was coming on Saturday. Dummy me. So, in punishment for my stupidity, and the extra bill that I am undoubtedly going to receive, I am up.

I am not surprised at my blonde-moment move. I have been off-kilter all week. I have not really exercised at all this week. (I have earned only one, lonely donut on daily mile) I have been really twisted about the time change. I can't seem to adjust. I have literally forgotten to eat a few meals this week. I can't remember the last time when I didn't anticipate a meal. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe my body wants me to focus on something else. Unfortunately, that something else is just fiddling with work stuffs, playing meaningless games online, watching TV and going to bed early. I have not been writing down my food choices. Usually I make a point of settling up my food logs at least 2-3x's a day. Not this week. Now, I haven't eaten anything 'out of the box,' but I am losing my mojo. I think last week's travel to Tennessee did me in as well. As soon as my schedule is altered, I don't accept the change as well as I once thought. They say that as you hit your 30's, you brain synapses start to solidify preferences in how they operate, hence making you set in your ways.

So, let's talk about what going to Germany means this week. Well, for one, I fly tonight. This means I won't be near my scale on Monday's weigh in day. I thought about brining it for half a second and then laughed at myself. Instead, I am going to weigh in today and make it my soft number for week 10. This is a non-measurement week, so I am clear on that too. Here is the other rub: I cannot bring all my meal replacements to Germany. You can't import meat without having the wrath of Customs on you. So, I am going to have to modify my eating a bit. I will still eat at least 5 fruit and vegetables per day. I will still eat 3 shakes/cereals, but I need to make some choices on my meals. It is all about portion control. I know this sounds like an easy, practical thing, but I am on a 'decision-free' diet for a reason: I make crap choices. This being said, I know how to plan the right ones. I am a little afraid about asking waiters for veggies and no butter in a foreign country. I do not speak the language well, so there is definitely a barrier. That being said, Germans are usually excellent English speakers and exceptionally helpful.

Well, since I am up, I might as well do some stretching and get some laundry sorted. Have a great Saturday.

Sucking in Jack Sh*t

2010-03-17T14:42:00.000-04:00

Dear BBF(Blog-Boy-Friend) JackSh*t,
(He asked a few questions and wanted to be ‘sucked in’. So like a good BGF, I am answering.)

Why do you suppose you let your life be less than you imagined it to be?
Well, I got lazy. There is really no other excuse. I think I have always had a little of this in me, but I started to feel entitled to things when I went to college. I didn’t have to work hard to get the things I wanted. They were just going to fall into my lap and make things clean. I could slack off in my studies. I could slack off at work. I would just eat what I wanted and sleep all I wanted and physical activity is so lame. Not only was I not stepping up to the challenge, but I wasn’t really interested in being challenged. This strategy had worked up to this point, so why change?!? Ultimately, this method did have some consequences. I quit school because it did get more difficult. I broke up with my Sweetheart for stupid reasons, like he was taking up too much of my time. I purposely made myself reclusive, all when things got harder. Some would say I was depressed or just immature. Maybe so, but it was a pattern that continued for 10 years. Slowly, I got certain parts of my life together. I have a good professional life. I reconnected with my Sweetheart and mended that relationship. I just left my health to suffer until now.

Why do you stumble so often despite all your good intentions?
Isn’t the road to Hell paved with good intentions? Actions speak louder than words, and it is so easy to be a hypocrite to yourself when no one is looking and no one is asking the hard questions. No one came up to me and said, you look like sh*t Missa. Get off your fat*ss and get moving. No one was coming up to me and saying, you can do it Missa. I believe in you. What I have learned is no one asked, not because they don’t give a sh*t, but because I didn’t ask them to do it.

Why do you sabotage yourself?
I just find it ‘easier’ to focus on other people’s battles than on my own. I would make myself ‘too busy’ to fight the challenges that I needed to fight for myself. Eventually, this pattern made me overly anxious and then I would just stuff my face with gratifying food. Then, without realizing it, I would be blaming the people around me for my failures.

Why are you here anyway?
I’m here because I am dying. Period. We all are. I just don’t want to die any sooner than I should and I want the experiences in my life to be full. I owe that to myself.

If you’re making it, if you’re succeeding on this weight-loss journey, tell me why this time is different than all the others.
So far, I am making it. It is only week 10, so I don’t know if I have really been at this time around long enough to say this is the make-it moment. But, what I can say is that I planned the hell out of this time. I actually made a project plan, like I would do if I was doing one for work. Project: Losing Ethel. I planned my health plan. I saw a physician and a health educator. I set up my blog. I cleared my kitchen of crap. I spoke to my family to tell them what support I needed. I told them that I need them to ask me the hard questions and keep me accountable. I told them that I need praise when I do well. I cleared my professional schedule to ensure I had time to do some fitness. I did all of these things before I could start the process. These things seem to be working. I needed to clear my life of the little BS that ultimately almost always gets in my way. The goal is to plan what you can so you can cope with the unexpected.

Why are you going to make it this time when you’ve fallen short before.
I have wanted it for so long and it is just time. One of things that makes me so confident is knowing that if I follow the plan, it will really work. I had worked with this eating and fitness plan about a year ago and lost weight. I failed because I didn’t make it a lifestyle, I didn’t enlist a good support system, and regressed back to old habits. There is definite comfort in knowing that if you work on something the result is going to happen.

Why are you going to keep it off this time when you’ve gained it back before.
I am really changing my life, not just habits. The people in my life are even different. Hey, I even have a whole blogosphere of love in my life this time. Good energy, good support are just so great.

Why are you a different person now than you were before?
Well, I don’t know if I am a different person, but I am definitely letting the real me shine. I guess you could say that this is a time to be selfish instead of selfless.

So Jack, did I suck you in?

Your BGF forever,
Missa xoxo

Practice Makes Perfect

2010-03-16T10:40:00.001-04:00

Imagine a pilot who’s read an instruction manual about flying and aced the written test. He can tell you exactly how to fly a plane, but he’s spent very little time in the simulator. Would you fly with this person on his first day in the cockpit? *

So now imagine someone who has read lots of fitness magazines, read cookbooks and health blogs. They can tell you exactly how to lose weight and get healthy, but they have been eating out and have not yet step foot in a gym. Would you hire them as your personal trainer or fitness-health coach? Do you think they will be losing weight?

We all know how we want to behave, but there always seems to be a gap between ideal behavior and reality. The only way to bridge that gap is by practicing repetitive skills. It is the only way to move from knowing about something to doing something. This is why even experienced pilots are required to practice in simulators, log their hours and complete certain amounts of 'practice' take-offs and landings.

So, how do we practice getting healthy? Try role playing. Here are a few scenarios. Feel free to practice them in front of a mirror or perhaps with a friend.
Now, it is important that you act out the scenario and not say, "well if I were in this situation, I might say ______" I kid you not, your brain won't take it in unless you really do it. Channel your inner Cary Grant or Kate Winslet. Oscar-worthy performances baby!

Scenario 1: Restaurant. You are in a restaurant and need to tell the waiter to prepare your food without extra butter sauce, with veggie sides instead of rice and fries, and you don't want sugar in your iced tea.

Scenario 2: Working out in the gym. You are at the gym and you need to finish all 3 sets of a workout and need a machine. Someone is on it. Approach them and tell them you need the machine. Ask them to let you in when they rest. Find out how much longer they need that machine. 2a. Go to one of the trainers at the gym and ask them to show you an alternate exercise.

Scenario 3: Explaining your Food Choices to Family. You are at a family dinner with all the fixin's. Your Aunt Bessie asks you why you aren't eating everything. You tell her about how you are eating. You make her understand what journey you are taking.

Scenario 4: Tell your family what you need from them in order to stay on track. For example: I do not want candy all over the house. It has a specific home and it has to stay there. I buy certain treats for myself: diet soda, certain fruits, certain juices. They are fair game in the house, but no one can eat the last of these treats without asking me. I need them available as healthy choices so I don't binge on something less-than stellar.

Practice will become reality. Reality will become you getting healthier.
What other scenarios would be helpful? Post them here.

*source

Week 9 Weight Loss: 10% Down!

2010-03-15T16:00:00.000-04:00

Yeah Baby! I lost 1.7 lbs this week which brings me to 10% of my total body weight lost! Woot!

There are all kinds of statistics on what happens to you when you do this:
1. You lower your cholesterol
2. You decrease your chances of contracting heart disease/stroke
3. You decrease your chances of contracting Diabetes.
4. You reduce your risk of Cancer
5. You reduce your risk of Gallbladder disease
6. You decrease the risk of Osteoarthritis (wearing of the joints)
7. You decrease any sleep apnea

These are just a few wins, but let's just say that I feel like I accomplished something.

Only 31 percent of U.S. adults report that they engage in regular leisure-time physical activity (defined as either three sessions per week of vigorous physical activity lasting 20 minutes or more, or five sessions per week of light-to-moderate physical activity lasting 30 minutes or more). About 40 percent of adults report no leisure-time physical activity. (National Center for Health Statistics. Chartbook on Trends in the Health of Americans. Health, United States, 2008. Hyattsville, MD: Public Health Service. 2008.)

Of the 31 percent, when physical activity is measured by a device that detects movement, only about 3–5 percent of adults obtain 30 minutes of moderate or greater intensity physical activity on at least 5 days per week (Troiano RP, Berrigan D, Dodd KW, Mâsse LC, Tilert T, McDowell M. Physical activity in the United States measured by accelerometer. Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise. 2008; Jan;40(1):181–8.)

I am pleased that I am in the top 30.. (Mom would be so proud) but now I am curious if I made the top 3-5 %. Maybe that bodybug is in my future.

I think April Fool's is coming early. There is a NJ woman trying to become the fattest woman in the world... and it isn't me. Check it out. I wonder what y'all think. She lives nearby. I am seriously thinking of driving to her house.

OK, so as for the Truthiness. No one guessed correctly!
1. I am a Grammy-Award winning Recording Artist.
No, but I am on a recording that won for best sound.
2. I speak 4 languages fluently.
Nope. English and French (functionally) Pig Latin doesn't count!
3. I have 4 US Patents.
Unless we are talking about patent-leather shoes, nope!
4. I am an Opera Singer.
TRUE! Went to University and everything. I am a Soprano who sings gloriously in her shower.
5. I have travelled to all 7 Continents twice.
Nope. Never been to Africa... but I am working on it. Let's say it is a goal.
6. I have been a featured guest on the TV show ‘Clean House’.
No, but I should be. I am freakin' hopeless when it comes to cleaning and organization.
7. I am a Nationally Certified Massage Therapist.
Well, I am eligible. In 2005, I completed a 1 yr. certification program and can practice in NJ, but I never sat for the National Exam. I need to do that.

In The Airport

2010-03-14T10:42:00.000-04:00

I hope you all had a nice weekend. I am in the airport, getting ready to make my way home. Great weekend with a side of my family that I do not get to see very often. I heard all the fun stories about my mom that she probably did not want me to know, but she was so incredibly funny. I did not realize that. I am finally seeing her as a different person and not just my mom.

As for eating, I was pretty good, but I had a few indulgences. 1. I had BBQ. I am in the South. It had to be done. 2. My Aunt made Pizza. Now that is sitting in my gullet like a boulder. I am uncomfortable. Kind of bummed about it because flying in this state will kinda stink (literally).

Well, time to board. Have a great Sunday and for all you Brits: Happy Mother's Day!

Truthiness

2010-03-11T22:52:00.000-05:00

The rules are:

1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to 6 outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate 7 "creative writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

1. Thank you Miss Luscious-Lipstick-Life-DailyMilin’-Tina-Dean.
2. Her link is http://desperatelyseekingsizeten.blogspot.com/

My Truthiness:
1. I am a Grammy-Award winning Recording Artist.
2. I speak 4 languages fluently.
3. I have 4 US Patents.
4. I am an Opera Singer.
5. I have travelled to all 7 Continents twice.
6. I have been a featured guest on the TV show ‘Clean House’.
7. I am a Nationally Certified Massage Therapist.

There are so many blogs that rock. I kind of find these awards to be kind of weird, because if they didn’t rock, I wouldn’t be reading them. I try to leave rockin’ comments on a regular basis, so if you aren’t on this list, it is for a couple of reasons: 1. YOU ARE LAME (just kidding) 2. You have said before that you think these awards are lame.

Fattitude
AsYouWish
QuestionsForDesert
AnonymousFatGirl
Fitnessajourneynotadestination
282.5
FogDogWeightLoss

Strive To Be Happy

2010-03-10T07:43:00.001-05:00

I am on the road so I don't have much time to blog and read blogs this week. However, I am eating OK and I have used the hotel gym.. Double-win! Things are a bit stressful here, so I brought along a poem that keeps me centered when things go crazy. Hope it brings you some Zen.

Desiderata
-Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Week 8 Weight Loss

2010-03-08T14:53:00.000-05:00

The weight is releasing. I am down another 3.3 lbs. I didn't get a chance to measure myself before my flight this am, so it will have to wait 'til next week. Besides, I think measurements might need to move to bi-monthly installments anyway.

It was a good week, despite expanding my comfort zone. I did not eat my minimum amounts of meal replacements any days this week, and since Thursday, I have had to eat at least one meal at a restaurant. However, I think I made some good choices. I didn't over indulge, (with the exception of one glorious handful of Doritos which tasted so extra-salty-cheesy-yum), and I had a chocolate-covered strawberry instead of birthday cake at a family party.

I managed to get all my PA calories in this week too. I hit 2150, which is a nice, safe number. I had a few harder workouts in there, but mostly this comprised of walking at lunchtime with co-workers. The buddy system works for me.

So, this week, my comfort zone is much more expanded, as I am on the road for work. I have just unpacked, and have a nice little stack of HMR foods at the ready. I have a little fridge in my room, so I am going to go to the grocer in a few to pick up some grab-and-go fruit.

I haven't checked out the gym yet in the hotel, but I brought my bathing suit. Not only is it a little treat to soak in the whirlpool, but I just might have to rock out some wet fitness. When I am bored, I get the munchies, so I am going to do my best to keep myself busy. Happy Monday Everyone!

Road Warrior Preparation

2010-03-07T08:06:00.000-05:00

Missa and Ethel are going on the road tomorrow for work. Knoxville, TN here we come! We will be there a week and will be surrounded by the Smokey Mountains. As well, we will be out of our element. We won't be in our bed. We won't be near our gym. Most importantly, we won't be near our junk-free kitchen. Instead, we must buy our meals a la carte, and in a rush, as we can't refrigerate them in our rooms.

As well, travelling for work is naturally stressful. When all there is to look forward to at the end of the day is a hotel room, it is natural to not stop working. So, what should have been an 8-hour day, can easily turn into 10, 12, 15 hour days. Make those days consecutive, and the stress levels skyrocket without you even blinking.

So, here are some tips for all of you Road Warriors (Keep in mind, even if you are travelling for pleasure, these can apply):

1. Develop a travel routine. Try to pack everything you need in a carry-on and avoid checking a bag. There is nothing more stressful than losing luggage. Once on the plane, change into your favorite slipper socks, bring an eye mask if you wish to snooze, and if you have them, wear some noise-cancelling headphones. They make the world of difference, even on short flights.

2. Get to the airport early and leisurely find a comfy spot to read a book, chill on the Internet, or listen to the i-pod.

3. If possible, do not set your first meetings at 7 or even 8 am. Give your body the opportunity to adjust to its surroundings. If you also travel to a different time zone, try to spend about 30 minutes outside. The sunlight will help your body adjust.

4. Set a start and end time for your day. Make sure you schedule some down time for yourself. This would include sitting in your hotel room to clear your head, going for a walk, or maybe taking advantage of the sauna or whirlpool in your hotel.

5. EXERCISE. Even before you travel, think of fitness strategies that do not involve equipment or going to sophisticated gyms. This could include bringing a DVD, going for a walk-run, or investigating what amenities are in the hotel's gym and working from there. Since I recognize that you might not be in control of your schedule, any exercise is good exercise. If you can only fit 20 minutes and not 60, great. It is still a win. Be honest to your co workers. If they schedule evening meetings, tell them that you need some time to get your workout in.

6. Eating and Drinking. While you are on an expense account and it seems like the world is your oyster in the food market, this is not the best option. Go to the local grocer any buy some healthy snacks: grab-and-go fruit, carrots, and edemame are my favs. In my case, I actually shipped a small box of healthy choices to the hotel in advance. If you are eating out, skip the appetizers and deserts. Get a main entree that isn't fried or drenched in butter and oil. Do not be afraid to tell the waiter what you want and need. Another option is to pick several healthy sides and combine them together to make a main course. Google your favorite restaurant chain and pick your meal in advance. As for drinks, I usually make a habit of having only one, maybe two glasses of wine at a work dinner. Primarily, I don't like to mix alcohol and work-life together, but also because it is empty calories.

Pout

2010-03-06T07:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a pout day. I have been having a tough time at work lately, as I am a victim of the standard company policy, 'do more with less'. Well, it is catching up with me. I don't have any more to give at the moment, so I am feeling pretty sorry for myself.

Second, I have been searching for other job opportunities. I had a really strong interview this week, and I was almost certain that I was going to get the job. Well, I got the 'thanks but no thanks' call in the middle of the crap day at work. This just put me over the edge. Not only does work suck, but I am stuck there.

My first inclination was to raid the vending machine. I held back, but I felt my face turn absolutely red. My emotions were getting the best of me. I can't work at all when I get like this. I was just too overwhelmed. So, I packed up my gear and called it a day. Did I leave early? NO.

I get to my car and I left the friggin' lights on. Battery DEAD. In the interest of full disclosure, I just did this 2 weeks ago too. Where is my mind? Called AAA, got a jump, and was home about an hour later than I planned.

Sweetheart greeted me at the door with a big hug. I stripped myself of the zoot suit and climbed into bed for a cuddle. This helped somewhat, but my energy was really drained. So, I skipped the gym and went to bed. (Damn, I promised myself no 0 PA days).

So, today is a new day. I am going to try my best not to get down. While I didn't get the job, I got some good feedback about why. It turns out that they want me to get more education on a few subjects. I have to chew on this. I love learning, but hate school (if that makes sense). Plus, school is costly. But, if I want out, then I have to do what I have to do.

Well, happy eating-exercising and all that jazz for today. In the NE, it is supposed to be pretty. Get outside.

*image dreamstime.com*

Keeping Your Momentum-Learning To Be Patient

2010-03-05T06:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I ask of myself too much. I think too far ahead to the finish line, and not to where I am right now. When this happens, I am certainly headed for a fall. So, I read this interesting article about burnout, specifically geared around fitness and burning the candle at both ends too soon. It turns out that people need to give themselves time to process and learn this healthy lifestyle that we all are trying to achieve. Give a read and tell me your thoughts. I think it has some great strategies to success.

Workout Burnout? Avoid the Four Stages

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
-Confucius (Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC))

Happy Friday!

Week 7 Weight Loss- Progress Pics Included!

2010-03-02T23:36:00.000-05:00

Not a bad week. I am down another 2 lbs and I managed to drop a few inches in the last 2 weeks. Woo Hoo! So, as promised, I am showing some before and during photos. I have been keeping up with my fitness goals and continuing to move. The last two days have been delightful, so I was even able to get a few walks in at lunch.

First: the Horror. So, while I am absolutely not looking my best, I am in a majestic location: Singapore. What an absolutely wonderful place to see. I cannot say enough rocking things about the place. (Except that being on a plane for 15 hours to Shanghai, and then taking a 4 hour flight to Singapore, in coach, really SUCKS when you're big.)

So, Pic 1, I am at the National Orchid Garden. This is my profile pic, just much closer. This was the pic that really gives Ethel her due. When I saw this picture, I knew things needed to change. However, notice the orchids. So pretty.

Next, here is me and Ethel at the Singapore Zoo. We met a few exotic birds. I would also like to point out that this zoo has an open plan, meaning that there is only a moat separating you and the animals. It is rad. I have never been so close to primates ever.

So, now the moment you have all been waiting for.. No, let me phrase that: the moment I have been waiting for: PROGRESS. So, this is me, 23.7 lbs lighter after tonight's Angry Elliptical session:

Note: I am wearing the same t-shirt that I wore in the Orchid Garden. It is definitely looser. New feeling for me: It is amazing how happy one can become when your clothes don't fit!

So, I guess the lesson in all of this is that despite where I was and where I am, I try my best not to let it limit me. Ethel comes with me everywhere. For those who are waiting to travel when they are thinner, or waiting to do anything for that matter... DON'T! Life is short. Live it!

Do you set SMART Goals or maybe DUMB ones?

2010-02-27T12:47:00.000-05:00

In my professional life, I am a project manager. So, I am pulling out a tool I use all the time, in hopes it helps all of you out too.

Are you setting SMART goals for yourself? SMART is a mnemonic standing for goals that are:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time-based

This tool can be used for lots of things in your life, but I find that it is especially helpful on this journey of mine. While your mission might be to loose 25, 50, maybe 100lbs, maybe that is too big. Break it up into pieces that seem attainable in the near-future. Make it real. When you get close to acheiving that goal, set another SMART goal. Keep going. Keep moving.

As you all know, I am doing a 12 week push. My goal is to complete it, using the HMR program. I am measuring my weight, my measurements, my fitness calories. My mission though, is to lose an average of 3 pounds per week. 12 weeks is a realistic time frame where I can convince myself to be accountable. When I get close to finishing, I will set my next SMART goal.

This will put me to the next phase: SMARTER goals (SMART-Evaluate-Reevaluate). Constantly review the goals you have set and learn from the wins and losses.

Is this not cutting the mustard? Well how about trying DUMB goals. DUMB stands for:
Doable
Understandable
Manageable
Beneficial

Can you lose 100 pounds in 4 weeks? Not so understandable or manageable. Certainly not beneficial, as I would guess it would involve removing one's appendages with a very large knife.

Let me know if this helps and tell me about your SMART and DUMB goals! I am going to take this button and permanently place it on my blog. Maybe you can too. Cheers.

*image from affirmart*

Group Meetings- Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2010-02-26T16:44:00.000-05:00

I have been rereading my posts and I realized that I have not been motivated to write at all about my weekly check-in meetings with my HMR Health Educator. So, I am wondering if I should stop going. Here is why:

As of late, it seems like all of the other people on the call (approximately 10pp), are just depressed. We have to report our losses and gains, and it seems like everyone has been gaining consistently over the past few weeks. I am the only one losing. I am finding it pretty unmotivating. With the blog community, if someone's post is a downer, I read it, try to send some motivation, and then move on to something perky and hopefully inspiring. I don't have an out on this call.

We discuss why people think they aren't losing, but the reason is obvious: they aren't following the plan, they aren't moving, they aren't keeping up with their food journals. It isn't the kind of call where you can call someone out on the carpet and say "Hey! Get with it!" In fact, it isn't even the kind of call where you can say, "You will surely do better next time."

The call is totally reliant on the feedback of the HE. Typically, she tries to find the positive in all the negative. "Well, you gained 3, but you ate 10 more servings of vegetables than last week." I am not buying this approach. There is going to come a time when the scale is not so kind to me as it has been thus far. I need more than kudos because I ate all my broccoli. I want to be enabled to lose these pounds, not enabled to just squeak by. This is where all of you come in.

I have been truly humbled by the support that I feel by writing. Maybe the feeling is all in my head, but I feel like you all give a crap about me & Ethel. So, here is my plea: kick me in the tush when I don't do what I should. Give me praise when I deserve it. Help me do better. I promise to do the same for you.

Off to the gym for only the 2nd time this week. Cheers.

Do You Need a Joke, 'Cause I Need a Joke

2010-02-25T11:51:00.000-05:00

Warning: Off-color joke. If you offend easily, maybe this isn't the day to read my blog. If this joke runs too close to home, then I want to hear all about it.

A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says:

"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch,
You'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

So, it is snowing again in the Garden State. The advantages of snow are that I can work from home (procrastinate from home). The disadvantage is that I am 10 feet from my kitchen filled with yummy delights. So far, the temptation has not taken over, but as the weather is going to continue to decline, Cabin Fever will descend upon me. I will grip the couch, sweat pouring from my brow. My veins will pop with anticipation, and I will have to do something..ANYTHING to get the boredom to go away! Can we say chocolate? Hopefully, snow shoveling will knacker me out enough to not care if I am bored. How do you cope with being snowed in?

So far this week, I have only worked out once. I am only punishing myself by not moving. How is it that I know this, accept this, and still my tush is still sitting on the couch? I am mental.

Have a good one folks!

Week 6 Weight Loss- Hump Week

2010-02-23T23:17:00.000-05:00

“Well begun is half done” –Aristotle

Week 6 Weight Loss also brings us to Hump Week in my 12 week push.. So to review: I have dropped a little over 21 lbs, and have lost approximately 14.5 inches off of my body. As a reward, I am not going to measure myself this week and see what shakes out. Next week, I will post one of my first in-process pics.

So, as I wind down my next 6 weeks, I am going to try to wind things up. I need to keep it fresh so I keep going and not get complacent. I have been squeezing little cheats from my plan all last week. They just seem to pop back in. I am throwing in the ‘out-of-the-box’ towel and getting back on the wagon.

Last week was kind of a blur with sickness and yuckiness, but I am pleased to report that Missa is back in the saddle again. Yesterday, I rocked out the Angry Elliptical and She-Ra tunes in full effect. I then promptly went home and drooled on myself until I realized that I needed to go to bed immediately. You know it is a good workout when you come home and just want to sleep and have no desire to eat. Who is this person? Missa has no desire to eat? Where did she come from? Ethel, did anyone inform you of this behavior?

On a side note, today is my anniversary, so I am going to cut this short.. Sweetheart and me have been smooching now for 17 years. They are still just as delicious as they were back then. I love that one. Gotta go. Time for more smooches.

My New Toy- Daily Mile

2010-02-21T12:34:00.000-05:00

I don't know if any of you have tried this, but I have recently fell in love with the daily mile.

I can map and track my walks, track my treadmill and angry elliptical... and it tracks how many burgers and donuts I burn. How flippin' cool?!? (and it is free)

So, You will see my donut meter on my page going forward, 'cause it's rad.
I just started yesterday, so I am not going to log all my previous miles since the demise of Ethel, but I like the idea of being able to track my fitness. I do track PA cals, but I think it will be good to show how far I have come. I need proof to remind me that I am really going somewhere, even if that somewhere is a loop around my block.

If you are also a dailymiler and want to join me, you can find me at losingethel@gmail.com (Missa)

I am weighing in tomorrow, but am not expecting much progress, thanks to my cold and my blah feeling. I will be happy if I just maintain.

Cleaning My Car & My Head

2010-02-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

I have an hour commute to and from work everyday. I savor the time in my car. In that hour, I listen to news programs, rock out to She-ra tunes, or sometimes just have some me time. I talk to myself a lot in the car. I relive conversations that maybe should have happened or are about to happen, so I do not stumble on my very big, important words. After all, if it all doesn't come out right, maybe no one will really hear me? As car time is my pal and confidante, I need to take care of her better. I decided to give her a proper cleaning.

Well, something unexpected happened. Actually, I should have expected it, but I have been in denial.

I started with the back seat. I had wiped down the seats, dusted. No issues there. But then I wanted to get underneath the driver and passenger's seats. There, I found several: we are talking dozens of fast food bags, junk wrappers and debris. It was a burial ground for thousands and thousands of calories that I have stuffed in my face while on my drives to and from work. As I took each wrapper and put in trash bags I had so much emotion. "What the heck have I been doing?!? How could I have been so stupid?" Dunkin' donuts every morning: donut, coffee-cream-sugar, sausage-egg-cheese on croissants. McDonald's McGriddles with sausage, bacon. Bagels with butter and 4 inches of cream-cheese and lox. French fry crumbles embedded in my floor mats remind me of all the #7's, #5's, #3's and #2's. Candy bar wrappers in my glove compartment, on top of and underneath my car manual.

But then, there was the pie box. An actual pie box in the trunk of my car. That's right. I bought an entire strawberry and rhubarb pie and ate the whole thing in my car with a spoon: while driving. I found myself stuffing all this evidence in a trash bag, tying it as tight as I could, and burying it deep in the back of the garbage dump bin. I am so embarrassed. How the Hades do I explain this to anyone if they find out? In the interest of full disclosure, I know I have tossed other pie boxes in the past.

I can say that I have not stopped at these establishments since I started to lose Ethel, but I am terrified that this is a habit that is hard to break. Is it only a matter of time? Not only did I eat all of this stuff, but I ate in shame: alone in my car, while no one could see me, like it never actually happened. In fact, I remember arriving home saying to my Sweetheart, so what's for dinner: like I never ate. Today I mourn the loss of the comfort my car usually brings. She gets me where I am going, but she isn't telling me when I should turn around and just go home. I hope I can do that for myself. I don't know if I am ready to tell the people in my life that I do this, but for now I am coming out to all of you.

Boundaries Made of Rubber

2010-02-17T16:00:00.000-05:00

How can you have something that sounds wonderful feel like such a turd, just by how it is coming into place?

You tell me:
I have just found out that I will be going on a week-long cruise at the beginning of June.
I will have a balcony room facing the sea
I will be wined and dined
I will have access to world-class spa
I will have a butler
I will have access to food from morning until night
I will have a fully stocked gym with plenty of classes to take
I will have Broadway-style shows, including some ice shows
I will be able to swim at some lovely beaches

So what is the problem?
My mother just sent me a very short email. “It is my birthday, so I booked you, Sweetheart, me and my sweetheart on a cruise. Come by tomorrow so you can pay me for your stateroom. Xoxo, Mom P.S. Don't book the flight yet, because I want to plan a few days for all of us in Florida”

1. While we had discussed the possibility of going on a trip, SHE DIDN’T ASK
2. She committed my money.
3. She just assumed that we could get the time off from work.

On my road to being healthier, I need to manage my stress. So, what do I do? She is my mother and I love her. It is her birthday wish to go on a trip. It is a nice trip, and there will be many opportunities to have a nice time. Somehow though, this REALLY raises the blood pressure. In fact, I haven’t even mentioned it to Sweetheart yet because he will lose his cool. I mean really lose it.

So how do you explain how incredibly messed up this is without sounding like a whiny, little girl. I am in my 30’s and my mother just doesn’t know the word
B-O-U-N-D-A-R-Y.
I am fighting all urges to eat a cheese steak and fries. At least now I can confirm this woman is one of my food triggers.

*image from kevinspear.com*

Week 5 Weight Loss

2010-02-16T07:11:00.000-05:00

I will make this post brief, as I feel like a cannon has blown a hole through my head, and yet the bastard still won't drain. I have been laid up in bed for the last three days coughing, sneezing and hacking. I wonder how many PA Calories I have burned, as this has truly been an Olympic effort. To boot, I have slept funny on my left shoulder, so moving is agony, sleeping is agony... I am in agony.

Anyway, I lost 4.4 pounds. I only did 750 PA Cals of exercise for the week. This translates into going to the gym once and exercising for an hour. I did keep my eating on plan, except for Friday's outing with my GF. My descent into hell started immediately the next morning. I still haven't measured myself, simply out of weakness and the kinked shoulder. I will get to it hopefully today with some assistance and update the grid. I have to go to work today, but I am going to be useless. Hopefully, no one will notice. (Not likely).

Plus Size Moos

2010-02-14T18:19:00.000-05:00

The clothes at these plus size stores are ridiculous. Why can’t they replicate the same fashions for plus sizes that they do for everyone else? Why does everything have to have:

-A test pattern that looks like a curtain
-Sleeves that look like dust ruffles
-A bodice that has no definition, so you look like a blueberry (I have a waist dang it!)
-Lengths of pants which are suitable for women over 6 feet
-Lengths of sleeves which are suitable for women that have been stretched on some medieval rack
-Fabrics that are so synthetic that standing near candles is seriously a hazard
-Colors that either make you look like you work in a mortuary, or Rainbow Brite

Now that I am starting to lose weight, I don’t want to invest in clothing that I absolutely despise. I find myself finding one top that I like, and then I buy it in 10 different colors. So, essentially, I look the same all the time. Why can’t I have a fashion emergency and actually have someone to answer my 911? Where are you guys shopping?

Weigh-in tomorrow. Fingers Crossed.

Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History

2010-02-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

So, after the build-up of my little panic last week, everyone behaved and things went on without incident.

The weather gods obliged, and I finally met up with my old childhood friend last night. She looked exactly as I expected her to: tall, beautiful, well put-together. We sat and ordered food and then the conversation just flowed. There weren’t any awkward moments. We just talked and talked about things in our lives like we used to talk. She told me about her children, her husband’s struggle to find new work in a crap economy. She got personal, and told me about her own struggles with weight after pregnancy, fighting the school system to keep her LD son in the best programs, intimate moments of her own wedding. She told me about her mother’s recent passing. I could tell that it still really stung and that it helped her to talk about it.

I told her what I was up to: my work, my desire to be healthier. I told her about my sweetheart: how we met, what we have done over the years, why we still aren’t married. We reminisced about my family, as so much of our childhood was spent at my home and my grandparents’ home. She missed my grandparents as much as I did. She asked about my aunt and my mother and told me how much she loved them. At the end of the dinner we agreed to meet for dinner again in about a month’s time. I told her that I was sorry that we waited so long to do this, and that she was always really important to me. I found myself fighting tears. Luckily, I didn’t whimper, because that would be creepy.

I feel good and bad. Good that we took the first step. Bad, because why am I so emotional over one person? She isn’t this much of a wreck. How is this all in my head? How do I get unstuck? I also ate at a regular restaurant, right off the menu. I couldn’t bring myself to explaining my diet in detail at dinner. It was too soon. How odd that I can talk about my family in detail, but not a diet plan. So, I had a green salad, one bruschetta, broiled salmon about the size of a deck of cards, and steamed spinach and string-beans. I also had a glass and a half of wine (Dutch Courage). It seemed reasonable, but of course the drawback is you never know what hidden calories are in a meal prepared at a restaurant.

I think this might be the beginning of something big. We’ll see.

Cheating Quickie Aloo Masala

2010-02-12T07:40:00.000-05:00

I love Indian flavors, so I doctored up my own quickie version of Aloo Masala and cut out the oil. I made it last night, and it rocked my world. I found a great blog with lots of Indian recipes that seem pretty easy to follow. You should check out itsalovelyworld to review the original recipe and great photos.

Ingredients:

Potato-4-Small-Washed, Boiled, Peeled and Cubed (I used red potatoes and nuked them for 8 minutes)
Onion-1-Small-Finely Chopped (I used frozen chopped onions and green pepper mix)
Tomato-1-Finely Chopped (I used one small can of diced tomato)
Green Chili-1-Finely Chopped (I used one tablespoon of Chilli Garlic Sauce)
Green Coriander Leaves-For Garnishing-Finely Chopped ( I only had dried parsley and coriander)
Oil-1 tbsp (nixed the oil)
Cumin Seeds-1/2 tsp (had powder, used 2x's as much)
Turmeric Powder-1/4 tsp (had powder, used 2x's as much)
Red Chili Powder-1/2 (didn't have it, so added a little paprika for color)

Coriander Powder-1 tsp
Amchur (Dry Mango) Powder-1/2 tsp (didn't have it, so didn't add it)
Salt-To Taste
Water-1 Cup (as my tomato had juice and my onions and peppers were frozen, I nixed the water)

Directions:
Heat a medium pan with a lip on it. Put on high heat. Toast all the spices till the flavor begins to really come out. I did mine for about 5-7 minutes. In the meantime, nuke your potatoes. (don't forget to poke holes in them or they will POP!)
Take the onions and peppers and put them in the pan with the spices. Mix them around and make sure most of the liquid has evaporated. Add the can of tomato. Let the liquid reduce even more and salt to taste. I usually hold back on the salt till now, because the canned tomato already has salt in it. Once the liquid is reduced to about 75%, take your potatos and slice/cube them. Add them to the mixture and turn the heat down. Right before service sprinkle coriander and parsley.
HEAVEN! Makes about 6 servings.

Happy Eating! I will be adding a serving of this to my meals to really get jazzed!